Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 23743 times)

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Slartibartfast

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2010, 11:23:14 AM »
One courtesy of my library kids: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?  Fo'drizzle.

Namárië

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2010, 01:34:47 PM »
These are cracking me up. I love these kinds of jokes!

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car."
Competence is a trap!
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hobish

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2010, 01:39:48 PM »
A Frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Sabbyfrog2

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2010, 01:54:43 PM »
One courtesy of my library kids: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?  Fo'drizzle.

I am SO stealing this and sharing it with my hubby. His students would get the biggest kick out of it! ROTFL!!!

Coralreef

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #19 on: February 16, 2010, 03:22:15 PM »
Where does the Lone Ranger takes the garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump...
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 04:11:09 PM by Coralreef »

[/right

Coralreef

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #20 on: February 16, 2010, 03:23:00 PM »
One courtesy of my library kids: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?  Fo'drizzle.

I'm sorry to say my rap culture is very, very small.  I don't understand this one.  My age is showing  :-[

[/right

extranormal

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #21 on: February 16, 2010, 03:35:17 PM »
[this one has to be told orally to garner even a groan]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

Bellantara

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #22 on: February 16, 2010, 03:41:01 PM »
Told by five year old Bellantara to her daddy:

"What are the three kinds of sex?"

Nervous daddy, wondering what his child has picked up: "I don't know honey, what do you think they are?"

"Male sex, female sex, and insects!


He still wants to kill me for it.  ;D ;D

LadyClaire

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #23 on: February 16, 2010, 03:54:05 PM »
Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

Shea

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #24 on: February 16, 2010, 09:30:50 PM »
Q: What did the mama buffalo say to her son as he left for school?
A: Bye son! (say it out loud)

Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: No idear. (aloud again!)

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Don't matter, he's not gonna come anyway.

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
A: "Dam!"

There's two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Hot in here, isn't it?" The second says "Oh my goodness, a talking muffin!"


If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

PeasNCues

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #25 on: February 16, 2010, 09:34:28 PM »
Why is an elephant big and gray? Because if it were small and white, it would be an aspirin!
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

beingkj

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #26 on: February 16, 2010, 09:38:48 PM »
Q: How do you hide an elephant?
A: Paint its toenails red and stand it in a strawberry patch.

Follow up: That wouldn't work!
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it works.

Q (ask a pirate): Where are your buccaneers?
Pirate: Under my buckin' hat.

Q: What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A: A sponge
Oh no, I'm blogging!

Paper Roses

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #27 on: February 16, 2010, 09:40:08 PM »
When he was in 5th grade, DS had to give a presentation to the class on Ponce deLeon.  I suggested he start off with this:

What did Ponce deLeon wear under his clothes?  His underPonce!
No, you can't, because you wishpishabonnyfish.

extranormal

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #28 on: February 16, 2010, 10:22:50 PM »
Quote
Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: No idear. (aloud again!)

Q: What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

A: Still no idear.

JadeAngel

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #29 on: February 16, 2010, 10:38:16 PM »
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Because it scares the heck out of their dogs.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one of them looks at the other one and says 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball?
Who could blame her, she had a pumpkin for a coach and was always running from the ball!

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
Time to buy a new fence.


Two parrots are sitting on a perch, one of them looks at the other one and says 'Do you smell fish?'