Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 21810 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2645
Re: Groaners
« Reply #30 on: February 16, 2010, 10:49:36 PM »
How much do pirate earrings cost ? ........A buck an ear ( Buccaneer )

Why are their fences around graveyards.... People are dying to get in.

What happened when the elephant stepped on a grape  - it let out a little whine.

What's green and stays out all night ...... Patti O'Furniture  ( which is the meaning behind my screen name .... POF .... Patti O'Furniture )

Slartibartfast

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11664
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: Groaners
« Reply #31 on: February 16, 2010, 11:15:41 PM »
hah, love the pirate jokes!  I put together a list for last year's Talk Like A Pirate Day (Sept. 19th):

Why are pirates called pirates?  They just ARRRRRRR!

Where did the one-legged pirate go for breakfast?  IHOP

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.  The bartender notices this, and asks "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"  "Arrr . . ." says the pirate.  "I've got a Bounty on me head!"

What do you call 1000 pirates in a room?  Avast conspiracy!

Where did the pirate go to college?  HAAAAAAARvard!

What do pirates from Boston say?  AHHHHHHHHH!

What do a pirate and a bachelor have in common?  They're both lookin' for booty!

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a ninja?  A ninjARRRRRRRRRRR!

What do you call a pirate that skips class?  Captain Hooky!

There once was a pirate who wanted to be a Private Eye.  Unfortunately, he was blind.  So he became a privateer!

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?  A buck-an-ear!

Where do you find very few pirates?  The ARRRRRRRctic!

What does a pirate say when he has a heart attack?  "Arrrr, me heartie!"

What does a dyslexic pirate say?   RAAAAAAAAAAAA!

JonGirl

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4749
  • I'm a JonGirl forever.
    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBAa6CvY-TQ
Re: Groaners
« Reply #32 on: February 17, 2010, 04:05:36 AM »



What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel? Douglas
What do you call a man who lays around? Matt
What do you call a man who hangs on the wall? Art

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea
What do you call Batman and Robin after they got hit by a car? Flatman and Ribbon.
Stewart/Colbert '16

pwv

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 421
Re: Groaners
« Reply #33 on: February 17, 2010, 06:41:11 AM »
What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Two-thirty  (tooth hurty)



Paper Roses

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4790
Re: Groaners
« Reply #34 on: February 17, 2010, 08:16:15 AM »
A couple of DD's favorites:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?  "Where's my tractor?"


Ask me if I'm a tree.

Are you a tree?

No.
No, you can't, because you wishpishabonnyfish.

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9885
Re: Groaners
« Reply #35 on: February 17, 2010, 08:41:53 AM »
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow that's been electrocuted?

Beef jerky.

hermanne

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1621
  • Visualize whorled peas...
Re: Groaners
« Reply #36 on: February 17, 2010, 02:02:44 PM »
What should you say if you step on an ant?

"Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead aaaaaaaaaant..."
(Think theme song to the "Pink Panther")
Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!




rhirhi

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1313
Re: Groaners
« Reply #37 on: February 17, 2010, 02:17:20 PM »
Stolen from Squidward on SpongeBob:

Why couldn't the 11year old get into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated Arrrrr!

WhiteTigerCub

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2423
Re: Groaners
« Reply #38 on: February 17, 2010, 02:38:45 PM »
What do you call a llama that has a baby?   Mama llama

What do you call a llama that has a baby and wears night clothes?   A mama llama in pajamas

What do you call a llama that has a baby, wears night clothes, and is a thespian?  A drama mama llama in pajamas

What do you call a lllama that has a baby, wears night clothes, is a thespian and has been through a tramatic expereince? A trama'd drama mama llama in pajamas

Arizona

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9885
Re: Groaners
« Reply #39 on: February 17, 2010, 02:51:53 PM »
What did the termite eat for breakfast?

Oakmeal.

**

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. Soon the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why," one asked.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


**

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

**

What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.

**

Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second roughs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.

**

Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

Fresh was buried in one of the largest ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker. The gravesite was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much time on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


Sabbyfrog2

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6754
  • I'm a Super Hero! Now where's my cape?
Re: Groaners
« Reply #40 on: February 17, 2010, 03:29:35 PM »
One courtesy of my library kids: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?  Fo'drizzle.

I'm sorry to say my rap culture is very, very small.  I don't understand this one.  My age is showing  :-[

 He is where "fo Shizzle" and "fo rizzle" and all the other "Izzles" came from.  If you have ever heard kids talking like this, he is why.

Scritzy

  • Please do not adjust your set.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15895
  • Passing through the iris of the world ...
Re: Groaners
« Reply #41 on: February 17, 2010, 04:27:50 PM »
Why did the chicken go halfway across the road?

She wanted to lay it on the line.


Why did you go fishing?

Just for the halibut.


A guy in Alaska was killed when an icicle fell on him. He died of cold cuts.


And this is something my former psychiatrist said to me, in all seriousness: "Maybe you're just a tough nut to crack."

And now you know why he's my FORMER psychiatrist. :P
Dragons

SC
It will pass. Or not.

pwv

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 421
Re: Groaners
« Reply #42 on: February 17, 2010, 04:57:39 PM »
Knock Knock

    Who's there?

Dwain

     Dwain who?

Dwain the bathtub I'm dwowning. 

kitty-cat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2779
Re: Groaners
« Reply #43 on: February 17, 2010, 05:06:26 PM »
Hey, quick question- do ya'll mind if I tell these in one of my classes? These are comedy gold, and I think that my class would love it.  Thank ya'll :)




NE Florida

beingkj

  • Demonic kangaroos are far scarier than Drop Bears
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3200
  • I am invisible
Re: Groaners
« Reply #44 on: February 17, 2010, 08:20:15 PM »
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Here come the elephants!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming wearing Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them.

Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom boom (best said with a straight face and totally deadpan)


Hey, quick question- do ya'll mind if I tell these in one of my classes? These are comedy gold, and I think that my class would love it.  Thank ya'll :)

I don't mind, though my jokes are hardly original.
Oh no, I'm blogging!