Warning: Shaggy-dog story, and you probably have to be British and of a certain age to get this...
A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.
"Certainly sir," says Gervaise, the waiter. "Would you like to choose your squid from the tank over there?"
"I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer.
"Oh no!" replies Gervaise. "But he's my favourite! He's so small and cute and friendly... Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier ones?"
"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one."
So Gervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife...and the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin.
"It's no good," says Gervaise, "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed. Hans!"
At which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.
"Sir," says Gervaise, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
So Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off...and once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache.
"I am sorry, sir; I just cannot kill the squid," Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well, sir," sighs the waiter, "I suppose it just goes to show...
...that Hans that does dishes, can be soft as Gervaise for the mild green, hairy-lipped squid!"
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