Groaners

[geordicat]

What's a wok?  Somfing you fwow at a wabbit

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

What do you call a man with a shovel? Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel? Douglas
What do you call a man who lays around? Matt
What do you call a man who hangs on the wall? Art

What do you call a guy floating in the ocean?  Bob
What do you call a guy floating in shallow water?  Wade

What do you call a guy with rabbits in his shirt? Warren.

What do you call a guy in a pile of leaves? Russell.

[rhirhi]

Another from SpongeBob:

What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down three miles from the blood bank?

A cab!

[White Dragon]

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What's white and fluffy?
White fluff.

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What's green and fluffy?
Green fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?
White fluff holding it's breath.

-----
How many elephants can you fit in a minivan?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.

How can you tell when there is an elephant in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.

How can you tell when there are two elephants in your fridge?
You can hear them talking.

How can you tell when there are three elephants in your fridge?
You have trouble getting the door closed.

How can you tell when there are four elephants in your fridge?
Their minivan is parked out front.

[kitty-cat]

I love all of these jokes

As for my joke:

What's black and white and black and white, and black and white, and black and white, and brown, and green, and red, and yellow?

4 zebras fighting over a basket of apples.

[Ferrets]

Warning: Shaggy-dog story, and you probably have to be British and of a certain age to get this...

A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.

"Certainly sir," says Gervaise, the waiter. "Would you like to choose your squid from the tank over there?"

"I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer.

"Oh no!" replies Gervaise. "But he's my favourite! He's so small and cute and friendly... Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier ones?"

"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one."

So Gervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife...and the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin.

"It's no good," says Gervaise, "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed. Hans!"

At which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.

"Sir," says Gervaise, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

So Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off...and once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache.

"I am sorry, sir; I just cannot kill the squid," Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

"Well, sir," sighs the waiter, "I suppose it just goes to show...

...that Hans that does dishes, can be soft as Gervaise for the mild green, hairy-lipped squid!"



[Still confused? Click here. ]

[whylime13]

Why do the irish put exactly 239 beans in their chili?
Because one more would be too farty! (240)

[JonGirl]

Why do the irish put exactly 239 beans in their chili?
Because one more would be too farty! (240)

Haaahaaa!!   

[HushHush]

Ds came up with this one.  There's a local mini golf place called King Putt.

Who tucks King Putt into bed?

King Tuck

[hobish]

What's invisible and smells like carrots?



Bunny farts.

[purplemuse]

A police officer is driving around when he sees a man walking down the street with a penguin.  So the officer pulls up next to the man and tells him:  "You need to take that penguin to the zoo!"  The man agrees, and the officer continues on his way.

The next day, he sees the same man walking down the street with the penguin.  So once again, the officer pulls up next to him.

"I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!" he says.

"Oh, I did," replies the man, "and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the movies today!"

-----------------------------------------------------
And for any chemistry geeks:

Q:  Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
A:  Because it was polar

Q:  Why does steak have more energy than hamburger?
A:  Because hamburger is in its ground state

[Tuhis]

What's the difference between a hamburger and a napkin?

You don't know?
Then, I'll eat the hamburger, you may have the napkin.

[geordicat]

I visited the post card museum.

It was nothing to write home about.

[Seven Ate Nine]

This one is a set:

Q:How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
A: Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.

Q; How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
A: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.

Q: The lions are having a party, and all the animals in the jungle are invited.  Who doesn't come?
A: The giraffe, he's in your refrigerator.

Q: You need to cross alligator infested waters in the jungle, how do you do it?
A: Swim across, the alligators are at the lion's party.

[baglady]

Another shaggy dog story:

Israeli police are looking for a man named Joseph, who is wanted for questioning in connection with several bank robberies in the city of Haifa.

Joseph is a native of Barcelona, Spain. His mother was a sister in the Dominican order, and his father was a German tourist.

In addition to his criminal career, Joseph is an accomplished flautist and works sporadically as a farm hand.

In other words...

He's a Haifa-lootin, flutin' Teuton, son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.