Sister Agatha and the Mother Superior are driving down the road late one night in Transylvania when all of a sudden a vampire lands on the hood of their car, baring his fangs and hissing menacingly.
Sister Agatha turns to the Mother Superior who is driving and says 'Oh Mother Superior whatever shall we do?'
Without taking her eyes off the vampire on the hood the Mother Superior replies 'Quick Sister Agatha, show him your cross!'
'Oh of course,' says Sister Agatha, winds down the window, leans out and yells
'Hey %$^hole get the &%*& off the car!'
That's my favourite joke of all time.
My second favourite is this one:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"