Author Topic: Groaners  (Read 23401 times)

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Wonderflonium

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #180 on: March 31, 2011, 09:05:15 AM »
Slightly risque from "The Vicar of Dibley"

Two nuns and their mother superior die in a car crash. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter says, "You'll each have to answer a question before you get in, but don't worry, it won't be hard." He looks at the first nun and says, "What was the name of the first man?" She replies, "Adam," and St. Peter says, "Right, then, in you go." He looks at the second nun and says, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" She replies, "The Garden of Eden," and St. Peter says, "Right, then, in you go." He then looks at the mother superior and says, "Your question is going to have to be a bit more difficult." She says she understands, so St. Peter asks, "What was the first thing Eve said upon seeing Adam naked?" Mother superior thinks for a minute and mutters to herself, "Oooh, that's a hard one." "Right, then, in you go."
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 11:17:48 AM by Wonderflonium »
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T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #181 on: March 31, 2011, 10:35:13 AM »
My father loved this one:

What's the difference between a duck?
One foot is both the same.

 ;D


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JadeAngel

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #182 on: March 31, 2011, 08:09:43 PM »
What happens if you play a country and western song backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your house back, you get your truck back, you get your dog back...

Ferrets

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #183 on: April 01, 2011, 06:02:31 AM »
;D

What do you get if you play Cliff Richard songs backwards?

Messages from God.

Delia DeLyons

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #184 on: April 01, 2011, 07:45:15 AM »
     How do you make a tissue dance?




     You put a little boggie in it!!    :D
Once in a while you get your delight, in the strangest of faces if you look at it right...

sagiegirl

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #185 on: April 19, 2011, 09:27:11 PM »
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nutter
Nutter who?
Nutter Ether Bunny

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella Nutter Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo "beep, beep" and run over all the Ether bunnies!



Wonderflonium

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #186 on: April 19, 2011, 09:31:35 PM »
How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.
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readingchick

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #187 on: April 20, 2011, 10:37:29 AM »
How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way. Unique up on it.

Wonderflonium

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #188 on: April 20, 2011, 10:44:05 AM »
How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way. Unique up on it.

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I'd forgotten about that part!
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WolfWay

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #189 on: April 21, 2011, 12:17:24 AM »
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.





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Meet Patty.
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violinp

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #190 on: April 21, 2011, 02:57:25 AM »
One courtesy of my library kids: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?  Fo'drizzle.

I'm sorry to say my rap culture is very, very small.  I don't understand this one.  My age is showing  :-[
Oh, good.  Then I'm not alone. Hmmm, there has to be a joke somewhere attached to the front of that line.  I once made a cartoon of a big bank safe in the "Garbo National Bank".  There was a voice coming from inside the vault saying, "I vahnt to be a loan...I vahnt to be a loan....".   ::)

ROFL.
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JonGirl

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #191 on: April 21, 2011, 06:44:30 AM »
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.



Eww! LOL!!   ;D




How does a butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.

Stewart/Colbert '16

Stormtreader

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #192 on: April 21, 2011, 08:26:29 AM »
How many sound engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.....two.....one.....two......

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it has to really WANT to change.

A friend of mine has just opened up a little buisiness building boats in his attic. Sales have gone through the roof! (say it out loud)

Sirius

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #193 on: April 22, 2011, 08:22:12 PM »


How do you get two oboes in tune? Shoot one.



Hey, that's not a joke, it's the truth!  I play the oboe.

True story:  When I was a freshman in high school I learned to play the oboe, although I was never an expert at it.  My band director once told me that I had the tone of a bagpipe in heat.  Which, of course, begs the question:  How do bagpipes mate?  Any answers out there?

Ferrets

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Re: Groaners
« Reply #194 on: April 22, 2011, 10:33:53 PM »
Which, of course, begs the question:  How do bagpipes mate?  

I have no idea, but 'Mating Bagpipes' sounds like a terrific yoga position for an octopus. ;D