General Etiquette > Family and Children

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE Christmas Kosher???

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mrsbrandt:
I'm sorry this is going to be a bit longer than I'm hoping for.

DH, DD and I will be celebrating Christmas & Eve with my MIL (DH's mom) this year.  We're really looking forward to it.  Christmas Eve is at DH's Grandpa's house, he's technically hosting it, but MIL and I are doing the majority of the cooking, cleaning, set up, decorating, etc.  I'm really going to enjoy being able to help set up a great family event at Grandpa's house.  I'm bringing all the desserts and my MIL is bringing all the sides and the rest of the family members who've elected to are bringing smaller items and appetizers.  The main entree is normally a Christmas ham (which is sooooo delish!). 

This year we won't be having a Christmas ham and beef mostaccioli, which is no big deal.  We'll be doing kosher deli trays instead.  This is because DH's aunt (Lola) is flying in from out of state and she's bringing her girlfriend/SO (Bunny) with her.  Bunny is Jewish and wants to have a Kosher Christmas celebration.  This normally wouldn't be an issue at all, but the Kosher trays that Bunny ordered are ALL beef.  I don't have a problem with beef being the main part of the meal, but I'm a touch annoyed since it'll be the only main entree.  I don't eat Beef, I was raised as a Hindu and I'm not offended by other people eating beef, I just choose not to.  (Normally at Christmas gatherings I just eat the non-Beef main entree.)  This means that since Bunny and Lola have chosen to grace us with their presence this year (we haven't seen them in about 2 years) - I don't get to partake of the main part of Christmas Eve dinner.

I'm a bit put off at the moment.  I just feel a touch slighted that Bunny's preference automatically precedes mine.  They're both for religious reasons and I know Bunny has no problem with ham being served because that's the way it has been at other events.  I'm just a touch sad that since they've chosen to fly in this year - Bunny has gotten to run the show and the fact that I won't be able to partake was overlooked by everyone except MIL.  MIL is normally the organizer of all events, even  if they're not being held at her house - it's just the way the family has decided to do things.  She doesn't want to make waves with Bunny and Lola since they don't visit very often and especially since Bunny and Lola elected themselves organizers of this event.  (Side Note: MIL normally organizes because she keeps track of people's food preferences.)  Bunny and Lola also decided that Christmas day we'll have a Beef Tenderloin cooked by MIL, so I'm equally out of luck that day too.  MIL has discreetly decided to change her mind without making Bunny or Lola aware (since they're not paying for anything) and cook a Christmas turkey instead.

I guess I'm just being a pouty girl since I feel like I've just been put in my place.  FWIW Bunny and Lola have had strained relationships with the family in the past, since Lola left her minor children and husband to run off (literally run away) and "marry" Bunny. 

So my etiquette question is would it be rude if I brought a turkey and ham deli tray along with the apple pie, cheesecake and beer I'm bringing?  DH and MIL think I should just do it, Bunny's temperment be darned.  I'm not trying to outrightly offend Bunny, but I feel that as organizers they should made some attempt to make sure that people could partake of the main part of the meal (just like MIL has done in the past).  Or should I just shut my mouth it's only Christmas Eve and would have been Christmas Day (thank you MIL) that I wouldn't be able to eat main entrees?

Sterling:
Do you like turkey?  Could you compromise and just order turkey deli tray?  Although I though Kosher meant blessed?  I personally say order your onw deli tray and explain when she gets there that she doesn't eat pork you don;t eat beef so you both got what you wanted.  If she gets mad she is a pill because no one said she HAD to eat the non-kosher food.

Does this make sense?  I'm really tired and not sure if I am sane right now.

guihong:
I'm with everyone else who said, just do it and don't say anything.  That way, both of you have what you want.

gui

sweedetobee:
I am not a Kosher food expert, but the main things that you can't eat are pork in any form and no mixing of meat and dairy within a certain time frame.

So the bacon cheeseburgers are out! ;)

But since an effort is being made to address Bunny's religious beliefs then they shoudl certinaly be tkaing yours into account too. I woudl not pitch a fit, but I would have DH tell his mother that as she knows (which you stated in your post) you don't eat beef. Since there are other non pork products that can be served and still keep it Kosher, something else should be included for you.

If they really aren't going to accomodate, I would show up with food for yourself, but I would not bring ham or cheesecake (see my first sentence in the post) . Just my opinion though...

mrsbrandt:
I don't know that much about Kosher food either, so I figured I must have been wrong since they asked me to bring my cheesecake.  Seriously do you think Bunny might get peeved that since she keeps kosher and foods shouldn't mix, that everyone else should?  I think that's kinda unreasonable.  I think since I was asked specifically for it, I'll bring it. 

I think you guys are right, bringing a turkey tray would be a good idea, bringing pork might seem a touch over the line.  I'm totally with Sterling, Bunny and I don't have to eat any food that we don't like/can't.  Normally this food thing is a total non-issue, because MIL our organizer of events and informal hostess always addresses my food issues and the other vegetarian's issues.  But since Bunny and Lola took over planning (and they're fairly far removed from the family) they didn't bother to ask about food requirements other than Bunny's.  I think that since the event is at Grandpa's house (Lola's and MIL's dad) that everyone's requirements should be taken into account not just Bunny's, but apparently Bunny and Lola don't feel that way.

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