Special Snowflake Stories

[Outdoor Girl]

You want to do that in the moist public part of the library?

For the love of all that is holy, tell me this is a typo...

Oh gosh!  Yes that is a typo and I am thoroughly horrified by my negligence!

I just assumed it was a Freudian slip...   

[jedikaiti]

You want to do that in the moist public part of the library?

For the love of all that is holy, tell me this is a typo...

Oh gosh!  Yes that is a typo and I am thoroughly horrified by my negligence!

Anyone else thinking of Dead Like Me now?

OP, may I recommend a cattle prod?

[Jocelyn]

My roommate and I were once passing a psychic's shop when the guy was trying to lure in customers. He said the usual patter about finding out about our futures then said, 'Find out why your hair is blonde!' We had to cling to each other to keep from falling down laughing, because the answer was, 'L'Oreal!'

[Kimblee]

Psychics can be hilarious unless you take them seriously. Personally, I wouldn't spend a penny on them but it used to be fun to watch them blow themselves up on TV.

They become dangerous and sad when people hand over substantial amounts of money to rid themselves of a 'curse'.  You wonder how folks could be so gullible.

hey! I'm a certified (I have a certificate! Its for a first grade spelling bee. I was 4th place.) flea market psychic.

For $5 I'll look at your hand and say something mystical. for $4 I'll just tell you who you were in your last life and give you a magic bracelet to bring you luck.

Lots of my customers were goats, just for the record. Surely this had NOTHING to do with there being a livestock seller across from us most weeks.

In all seriousness, when i did this every week, I had repeat visitors. I'm told the predictions were wrong (How could it be? i was so sure that man was going to become the first male pregnancy and have identical quads!) but funny, and the bracelets were mildly lucky. (One repeat customer won $40 in a lottery while wearing one. I was sure to mention that a lot when people walked by our booth.)

[Elfmama]

I've always wanted to go to a fair and describe Ankh-Morpork and see how far I get before they realise.

I want to take one of the cat toys in to see if the psychic can contact the spirit of my poor lost Kirk.  So hey, it won't be my fault if she thinks Kirk was a human boy...  or tell them that I found it in an antique store and want to know about the past owner.  I doubt that they will tell me that he was short and chubby and  had black-and-white fur!

[Thipu1]

I've always wanted to go to a fair and describe Ankh-Morpork and see how far I get before they realise.

I want to take one of the cat toys in to see if the psychic can contact the spirit of my poor lost Kirk.  So hey, it won't be my fault if she thinks Kirk was a human boy...  or tell them that I found it in an antique store and want to know about the past owner.  I doubt that they will tell me that he was short and chubby and  had black-and-white fur!

I seem to recall that Joe Nickell or James Randi did something like this a few years back. 

[Garden Goblin]

My roommate and I were once passing a psychic's shop when the guy was trying to lure in customers. He said the usual patter about finding out about our futures then said, 'Find out why your hair is blonde!' We had to cling to each other to keep from falling down laughing, because the answer was, 'L'Oreal!'

I used to work as a 'fortune teller' renfaires.  For 90% of my customers, it was all in good fun.  On one memorable occasion, a young lady slipped into my tent, handed me $10 and told me how she was about to bring her friend in to keep her occupied for a couple minutes while they arranged the surprise of her fiance, who she thought was still overseas, showing up in full period dress.  I went to town spinning how 'romance was in the air' and 'she was about to meet someone very special'. 

Some of the customers were special snowflakes who just wanted justification for their perceived specialness and to be told how right they were and how they deserved everything they wanted.  One lady got mad and demanded her money back because I didn't tell her she was the reincarnation of 'Morgana' which she apparently felt should have been self-evident, and another threw things at me when I said that there were no witch burnings during the Salem Witch trials because her 'past life' had been burned at the stake there.

It was pretty good money.  I quit because of the folks who actually believed - folks grieving a missing loved one who wanted to be assured that their loved one was happy and would be returning soon, folks who wanted me to make contact with a deceased love one so they could have closure of some kind.  I couldn't give them what they wanted, and I wouldn't scam them, so I quit.