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  • August 26, 2016, 09:21:31 AM

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Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 1073640 times)

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bridalviolet

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I knew that, but then again I'm an avid amateur astronomer.  The way Clyde Tombaugh discovered Pluto is equally fascinating - he did it with pictures, a machine called a blink comparator, and his own eyes.  I've seen replicas of the discovery photos, and it's amazing that he caught such a small, dim object. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clyde_Tombaugh

I'll stop now.

And Robert Heinlein named the first settlement on the moon after Clyde Tombaugh in Have Spacesuit - Will Travel.

I love that book!!!

VorFemme

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  • It's too darned hot! (song from Kiss Me, Kate)

I knew that, but then again I'm an avid amateur astronomer.  The way Clyde Tombaugh discovered Pluto is equally fascinating - he did it with pictures, a machine called a blink comparator, and his own eyes.  I've seen replicas of the discovery photos, and it's amazing that he caught such a small, dim object. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clyde_Tombaugh

I'll stop now.

And Robert Heinlein named the first settlement on the moon after Clyde Tombaugh in Have Spacesuit - Will Travel.

I love that book!!!

That was actually the very first science fiction book that I remember reading in fourth grade.  I remember looking up every one of his "Boys' Life" books and reading them....loved them.  When I was in high school, he started releasing books to a more mature audience...how my father managed to get the library book copy of of Time Enough For Love to fall open just at the page where Lazarus Long describes a nude pair of slaves displayed for sale I do not know.  Teen aged girls don't obsess over that kind of description...but as it was the high school's library copy, there's a good chance that I wasn't the person who'd creased the spine to fall open at just that point.


Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

eltf177

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Wow, one of my first science-fiction books ("space opera" to be more precise) was Bova's THE STAR CONQUERORS and its sequel STAR WATCHMAN. From what I understand Bova is embarrassed over THE STAR CONQUERORS and I don't know why, it's a wonderful book!

Girlie

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I was helping answer the main switchboard for my company one day, when a customer calls in and asked who had called him from our business.

I explained to him that unfortunately, the number that he had called was that of our switchboard and I had no way of knowing who had called him. He asked if I could find out who it was, so I nicely explained that we have about seventy employees spread between four branches, and that whoever had called him should have (as per policy) left a voicemail.

In a very agitated manner, he then instructed me to "Well, then GET UP and GO ASK who called me."

I said, "I'm afraid that's not possible, sir, but you should have been left a voicemail with the name of your caller. Do you happen to know WHY someone would have been trying to contact you?" (At this point, I was thinking that if I could pinpoint WHY someone would need him, I might at least be able to direct him to the correct department).

"Not that I know of. You need to get up and go find out."

"Sir, I have no way of doing that. Were you left a voicemail?"

"LISTEN TO ME. PULL UP MY ACCOUNT AND FIND OUT WHY SOMEONE WOULD HAVE CALLED ME."

"Sir, while I do have the ability to pull up your account, that will in no way reveal to me why someone called you. Did they leave a voicemail?"

"GO FIND OUT."

"Did they leave a voicemail?"

"I DON'T KNOW"

And then....he hung up on me. So, I never did find out who called him. I just don't understand why he couldn't grasp that I honestly had no way of telling him who had called him.

gingerzing

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Girlie..  Yup been there. Done that.   Not sure why people don't want to check voicemail, but that happens at my office quite a bit.  Just listen to the voicemail.

shortstuff

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I don't work directly with customers, but I still hear tales.  My job is to help cover car break downs under the manufacturer warranty,  Usually this is easy, but sometimes customers have unrealistic expectations. 

We just had one guy emphatically swear that he'll "never buy [brand] car again!"  Why?  He wanted his repair covered under warranty... except his car was 9 years old, and the warranty expired over 5 years ago.  He claimed that he had been complaining of the problem since before the warranty expired (for 5 years), and when we said that we have no records of that complaint, then he said it was all verbal and our employees refused to write the complaint down. 

I guess this one could also be in the "scammers, moochers" thread, but people demand coverage when they don't have any far too often. 

Twik

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That reminds me of the opposite of an 'impossible request.' More like an 'impossible patron' and a request that was completely possible except for the patron's craziness.

We were at a pub, and a friend freakkkkked out because "This veggie burger has ants in it!"

I said, "Oh, wow, really? Mine is great."

Friend took another bite. "Ants!"

My husband said, "No, it doesn't. We're all eating veggie burgers, and none of them have ants in them." (He knows his friend!)

"Yes it does! I know what ants taste like!" He takes another bite."Ants! For sure!"

"If you're so sure, open the bun and let me see."

"No, I know what ants taste like! Excuse me, miss! Miss! This burger has ants in it."

Waitress: "What? Are there ants on your plate?"

Friend, talking through another mouthful of burger: "No, I know what ants taste like! I'm a vegetarian!" :o

Waitress: "I'm really sorry you don't like your burger. I'll bring you another one."

"It better not have ants in it."

Friend fumes until the waitress comes back. We ignore him.

"Here's your new burger. By the way, I took your burger back, and all the chefs had a look at it. None of us could see any ants. We really pulled it apart! We'd hate to have an ant problem in the kitchen, but it doesn't look like that's the case. I'm so sorry you didn't like it, though!"

"I know what ants taste like!"

"OK, sir. Can I get any of y'all another drink?"

Husband: "So, Friend, how exactly do you know what ants taste like?"

Friend was silent!

(And yes, the restaurant comped his burger-and-a-half.)

(Waves hand) Oooh! I don't know about ants, but termites taste like carrots! Ask me how I know!
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Twik

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Okay, the official canopic jar did me in.  Happily, I did not spit iced tea all over the computer screen at work.

But it reminded me of a story that I related elsewhere on this site, about my ex sister-in-law's friend who "should go on Jeopardy because she's so smart.

Jeopardy sat in my SIL's dining room holding forth about a chair SIL had inherited from my grandmother.  Jeopardy told her to have the chair assessed because, clearly, with the wooden carvings along the back showing monkeys and llamas (there weren't llamas) what my SIL had there was a genuine Tibetan monastery chair used by the Dalai Lama to hold meetings with those seeking his wisdom.

I would like to believe the Dalai Llama would say to her "Please believe your friend's in-laws when they tells you the chair is something a long deceased Aunt won by selling a great deal of soap for one of those marketing companies back in the 1910s.  Kind of like greeting cards.  P.S., the chair has been reupholstered so many times--most recently by your friend's father in law--that any worth it might have had is gone."

Sadly, Jeopardy passed away a few years ago and never did get to prove her smarts on the game show, but this story continues to tickle us.

If the chair actually had llamas on it, it's probably not indigenous to Tibet.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

LadyDyani

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(Waves hand) Oooh! I don't know about ants, but termites taste like carrots! Ask me how I know!

How do you know?
English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

greencat

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  • Trap...Neuter...What was that third thing again?
Due to my habit as a child of eating the blackberries straight off the bush without bothering to actually look at them first, I know what ants taste like!  Black ants and red (fire) ants taste different, too!

VorFemme

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  • It's too darned hot! (song from Kiss Me, Kate)
Okay, the official canopic jar did me in.  Happily, I did not spit iced tea all over the computer screen at work.

But it reminded me of a story that I related elsewhere on this site, about my ex sister-in-law's friend who "should go on Jeopardy because she's so smart.

Jeopardy sat in my SIL's dining room holding forth about a chair SIL had inherited from my grandmother.  Jeopardy told her to have the chair assessed because, clearly, with the wooden carvings along the back showing monkeys and llamas (there weren't llamas) what my SIL had there was a genuine Tibetan monastery chair used by the Dalai Lama to hold meetings with those seeking his wisdom.

I would like to believe the Dalai Llama would say to her "Please believe your friend's in-laws when they tells you the chair is something a long deceased Aunt won by selling a great deal of soap for one of those marketing companies back in the 1910s.  Kind of like greeting cards.  P.S., the chair has been reupholstered so many times--most recently by your friend's father in law--that any worth it might have had is gone."

Sadly, Jeopardy passed away a few years ago and never did get to prove her smarts on the game show, but this story continues to tickle us.

If the chair actually had llamas on it, it's probably not indigenous to Tibet.

Tibet has yaks. 

Peru (South America) has llamas.

National Geographic reader since I was about eight.  Plus reading back issues while visiting my maternal grandparents' house...and at the library...love the photos.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

Twik

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(Waves hand) Oooh! I don't know about ants, but termites taste like carrots! Ask me how I know!

How do you know?

Ate one, of course!

Now, possibly not all termite taste like carrots, but the sort of termites you find on a trail in Belize, that your Mayan guide assures you are high-protein snacks on legs, do taste strongly of carrots.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

gmatoy

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(Waves hand) Oooh! I don't know about ants, but termites taste like carrots! Ask me how I know!

How do you know?

Ate one, of course!

Now, possibly not all termite taste like carrots, but the sort of termites you find on a trail in Belize, that your Mayan guide assures you are high-protein snacks on legs, do taste strongly of carrots.

This comes under the listing of: "Things I am glad to know, without having to do the taste test."

nutraxfornerves

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I have eaten "lemon ants" in South America.  They do taste lemony.

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data