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Author Topic: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74  (Read 3710010 times)

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kglory

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5985 on: July 06, 2014, 02:18:34 AM »
But, the homeless shelter people started to get pissy.  Saying things like "We budgeted you to give us Y number of donuts, and you only donated X number.  You need to make us some more NOW"  This happened more than once and got heated, so they just stopped donating the donuts at all.

And it's this level of entitlement that causes people to not donate anything at _all_ and go sour on all charities!

I really really try.  But, excluding drop-offs at goodwill, etc, over half my donations to charity have left a bad taste in my mouth.  Nothing like the homeless shelter/donuts though.  I think something happens to people's mind that get enmeshed in that world.  Look at the threads we've had from people that volunteered and then been abused and overworked and totally un-appreciated.  I keep trying different groups, methods.

My family used to really enjoy doing the Angel Tree program every Christmas, picking two kids every year to shop for. My children  (now 6 and 10) would spend days planning just what they wanted to give the kids on the tree and shopping for extra little stocking stuffer type items.  Then we would load the presents into the car and drive them to the local donation center, where you walked in and got to see the volunteers wrapping the presents for the families. The room was filled with toys and people in santa hats and you could NOT convince my son that it wasn't the North Pole. Afterwards, "Santa" sent our family a thank you note for helping him fulfill his Christmas list. My kids looked forward to it every year.

Then three years ago, local management for the charity changed as did the policies for handling the donations. Instead of dropping them off at 'The North Pole' we have to drive to the charity's regional thrift store about 45 minutes away. No toy room. No elves. And instead of being thanked for our donation by smiling staff members, we get a sullen store employee who jerks her chin toward a pile of bags in the corner and says, "Over there."

That's it. 

I know you shouldn't do things to be thanked, but the total lack of gratitude on the part of the organization's staff, not to mention last year, when my kids were told "Don't TOUCH ANYTHING" by the store employee before we even managed to get through the door* have led to my kids losing all enthusiasm for participating.  We've decided to send the charity's national office a check and spend our time/resources on some other local holiday charity project.

*I usually don't get offended on behalf of my kids, but seriously, we hadn't even walked through the door all the way and my kids were too busy hauling in big bags of toys to touch anything in the store. My kids felt unwelcome and hurt.  That was the final straw.

Weeblewobble - I used to donate to the Angel Tree when I was a child, and like your family, loved it.  Now that I've grown, I wanted to donate again, but wanted something more personalized and localized than the warehouse-style dropoff of any generic toy to Toys for Tots.

What worked is, I emailed the guidance counselor of a local elementary school asking if she knew of a family in need.  She quickly replied with a family of 3 kids -- gave me ages, sizes, color preferences, clothing needs as well as a few wants, etc.  My family went overboard buying and wrapping for them!  When I dropped off the multiple bags worth of wrapped gifts at the school, they were in tears.  It was such a hit.  My family has since done this for several more years.  We love it, because it's a way to give back directly to the community, and the guidance counselor of the school will have the information on who is truly in need.

(I have never known the actual names & identities of "our" families.   Nor have they known ours, since I don't want them to feel beholden to me as a person.  But of course the school knows who I am so they can make sure all is safe.)

Just a thought for your family next year :)  Of course, with your kids being school aged, this may not work, since they might be buying for their classmate and that would be awkward.  But maybe for when they are grown, or at a neighboring school?  Just an idea that we have come to love doing!
« Last Edit: July 06, 2014, 02:24:02 AM by kglory »

Shalamar

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5986 on: July 06, 2014, 07:47:17 AM »
My family has occasionally participated in a Christmas Hamper program, and it's been very hit-and-miss.  The best experience was when the family was absolutely overwhelmed by all the boxes of toys and food, and the mother started to cry, saying "God bless you" over and over.  That was sweet.

The worst was when the family had moved, leaving no forwarding address.  We had to return all the boxes to a very grumpy staff member who did the "jerk chin towards pile" thing mentioned earlier.  Still, I could understand her annoyance.  Maybe we should try doing that again ...

Jocelyn

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5987 on: July 06, 2014, 08:27:32 AM »
I don't mean to direct this personally at anyone, but here's a perspective to consider:
When you're giving a lot to one family for one Christmas, yes, the kids may be thrilled to get tons of goodies. It may be the Christmas of a lifetime. But what   happens next year? How does it feel for parents to see this Christmas and know that they will never, ever be able to give their kids a Christmas like this again? How do you explain it next year, when your family isn't adopted, and 'Santa' doesn't bring the kids anything? How does it feel to see the gift you scraped and saved to get your child, scorned for a gift given by strangers? And what do you say when one child is adopted by extra-generous donors, and another child isn't adopted at all?

rose red

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5988 on: July 06, 2014, 08:52:03 AM »
I don't mean to direct this personally at anyone, but here's a perspective to consider:
When you're giving a lot to one family for one Christmas, yes, the kids may be thrilled to get tons of goodies. It may be the Christmas of a lifetime. But what   happens next year? How does it feel for parents to see this Christmas and know that they will never, ever be able to give their kids a Christmas like this again? How do you explain it next year, when your family isn't adopted, and 'Santa' doesn't bring the kids anything? How does it feel to see the gift you scraped and saved to get your child, scorned for a gift given by strangers? And what do you say when one child is adopted by extra-generous donors, and another child isn't adopted at all?

Perhaps that discussion of charity may be better having it's own thread and this thread can just stick with the PD aspect of it :).

Jones

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5989 on: July 06, 2014, 01:42:10 PM »
I don't mean to direct this personally at anyone, but here's a perspective to consider:
When you're giving a lot to one family for one Christmas, yes, the kids may be thrilled to get tons of goodies. It may be the Christmas of a lifetime. But what   happens next year? How does it feel for parents to see this Christmas and know that they will never, ever be able to give their kids a Christmas like this again? How do you explain it next year, when your family isn't adopted, and 'Santa' doesn't bring the kids anything? How does it feel to see the gift you scraped and saved to get your child, scorned for a gift given by strangers? And what do you say when one child is adopted by extra-generous donors, and another child isn't adopted at all?
My family has told the tale of that Christmas when I was 9 for 20 years now. It was amazing. We felt terribly lucky and blessed, knowing it didn't/wouldn't always happen and it took probably many people working together to make it happen. And yes the holidays that followed weren't as materially celebrated, but we felt deep appreciation for the people who gave that one Christmas. I still tear up when I tell the story to my children.

I, for one, hope that people don't stop volunteering time and gifts just because they cannot give to every poor person, every year. Volunteer darwinism at its best, there.
ďA real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.Ē CS Lewis

Cherry91

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5990 on: July 07, 2014, 01:24:25 AM »
I don't mean to direct this personally at anyone, but here's a perspective to consider:
When you're giving a lot to one family for one Christmas, yes, the kids may be thrilled to get tons of goodies. It may be the Christmas of a lifetime. But what   happens next year? How does it feel for parents to see this Christmas and know that they will never, ever be able to give their kids a Christmas like this again? How do you explain it next year, when your family isn't adopted, and 'Santa' doesn't bring the kids anything? How does it feel to see the gift you scraped and saved to get your child, scorned for a gift given by strangers? And what do you say when one child is adopted by extra-generous donors, and another child isn't adopted at all?
My family has told the tale of that Christmas when I was 9 for 20 years now. It was amazing. We felt terribly lucky and blessed, knowing it didn't/wouldn't always happen and it took probably many people working together to make it happen. And yes the holidays that followed weren't as materially celebrated, but we felt deep appreciation for the people who gave that one Christmas. I still tear up when I tell the story to my children.

I, for one, hope that people don't stop volunteering time and gifts just because they cannot give to every poor person, every year. Volunteer darwinism at its best, there.

This makes me think of a line from one of the Dr Who Xmas Specials:

"What's the point in making them happy now when they're going to be sad later? The answer is of course: because they're going to be sad later."
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

ladyknight1

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5991 on: July 07, 2014, 09:58:07 AM »
A colleague who insists new employee be given instant access to everything, even though everything is beyond her pay grade and her training. No. It's not going to happen.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

iridaceae

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5992 on: July 08, 2014, 07:05:17 AM »
Courtesy of our landscapers: our head groundsman had a few people quit so he hired temps. One of them was interested in being hired permanently and said so. Our head said well,  we are hiring. The temp said cool but there's do much to do here- so how about you let me dig up all the plants and replace them with gravel or pave over?

Yes,  way to talk yourself out of being considered for a job.
Nothing to see here.

blue2000

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5993 on: July 08, 2014, 09:45:17 AM »
Courtesy of our landscapers: our head groundsman had a few people quit so he hired temps. One of them was interested in being hired permanently and said so. Our head said well,  we are hiring. The temp said cool but there's do much to do here- so how about you let me dig up all the plants and replace them with gravel or pave over?

Yes,  way to talk yourself out of being considered for a job.

That's hilarious! What did he think he was going to do at work once that happened? They don't hire lawn people for bare parking lots!
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

WolfWay

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5994 on: July 10, 2014, 11:03:26 PM »
Not sure if this qualifies as PD, but it's pretty unprofessional of the instigator of the situation. Personally I'm actually laughing about this situation, but I can see how this would have driven many people on the recieving list utterly nuts.

We have a company wide email list, which goes to several thousand people around the world. Someone who is leaving the company in Germany decided to send an email to Everyone(!) in the company to say good bye. Then people from around the world started replying all with good wishes. Then other frustrated users started replying all to say "stop replying all to this email!" leading other users to reply all to the reply all in increasingly angry and hysterial tones reminding everyone to stop replying all to these emails. About half of the emails are people using Reply all to say "Stop using Reply to all!!"

There's close to 100 emails in my inbox from this chain of rebounding reply all insanity.

The really funny one is the one from the HR person taking this oppurtunity to point out that the fonts and email signatures are wildly variable and not compliant with company standards.  ;D

It finally got shut down when two managers emailed everyone to say that anyone who replied after that email would be reported to their direct managers for violations of company email usage. It turns into PD for the 6 people who continued to reply all after that (with scintillating comments they had to share (like "lol <smiley face>") with several thousand people around the world).

« Last Edit: July 10, 2014, 11:16:06 PM by WolfWay »
<3

Slartibartfast

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5995 on: July 10, 2014, 11:33:51 PM »
Not sure if this qualifies as PD, but it's pretty unprofessional of the instigator of the situation. Personally I'm actually laughing about this situation, but I can see how this would have driven many people on the recieving list utterly nuts.

We have a company wide email list, which goes to several thousand people around the world. Someone who is leaving the company in Germany decided to send an email to Everyone(!) in the company to say good bye. Then people from around the world started replying all with good wishes. Then other frustrated users started replying all to say "stop replying all to this email!" leading other users to reply all to the reply all in increasingly angry and hysterial tones reminding everyone to stop replying all to these emails. About half of the emails are people using Reply all to say "Stop using Reply to all!!"

There's close to 100 emails in my inbox from this chain of rebounding reply all insanity.

The really funny one is the one from the HR person taking this oppurtunity to point out that the fonts and email signatures are wildly variable and not compliant with company standards.  ;D

It finally got shut down when two managers emailed everyone to say that anyone who replied after that email would be reported to their direct managers for violations of company email usage. It turns into PD for the 6 people who continued to reply all after that (with scintillating comments they had to share (like "lol <smiley face>") with several thousand people around the world).

This is why I love Gmail - there's a "mute" button for just this situation.  (It's under the "more" menu at the top of the screen, if anyone's looking for it . . .)  It doesn't delete anything, but it automatically shunts anything else coming in under a specific email tree to the archive so you don't have to see it.  I'm on a mailing list which gets a lot of these, and that button is a lifesaver!

Sirius

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5996 on: July 11, 2014, 01:00:53 AM »
My sister was a Red Cross volunteer for a clinic in a hospital at an overseas base.  (I promise, this is professional Darwinism).  Now, Sis is a credentialed LVN, but she wasn't credentialed for that country so she couldn't work as an LVN so she volunteered.  She was assigned to a department where the people who worked in there were all deathly afraid of the chief, a doctor who thought nothing of yelling and screaming profanities at his subordinates. 

One of the things Dr. Loudmouth always insisted on was a Diet 7-Up waiting for him on the corner of his desk.  When Sis took over the volunteer position no one told her that that was supposed to be her task, so of course she ended up the recipient of a tirade.  Finally she had heard all she cared to, and interrupted him (something that just was not done) with a bit of a dissertation on his ancestry and habits (knowing Sis).  Finally she told him, "Look, I'm not being paid enough to put up with your baloney (she probably didn't say 'baloney').  You have the worst manners of any doctor I've ever encountered!  I quit!"  She took off her smock, threw it on the floor, and stomped out.

Later when she went back to get the smock Dr. Loudmouth apologized to her - sort of.  He treated her almost decently after that, but still yelled and screamed at everyone else in the department.   Where this is PD - this kind of behavior in a military environment can get you in big trouble for lack of professionalism.  Sis told him that if he ever raised his voice at her again she would report him to his squadron chief, and while he managed to control himself when she was around she heard from the others that as soon as she wasn't there the abuse started right back up.  Don't know what happened, but I'm sure that sooner or later he either yelled at the wrong person or in front of the wrong person and got handed his head.


renfield1969

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5997 on: July 11, 2014, 09:20:07 AM »
A friend of mine is an avid collector of action figures, and recently recounted a story of PD from his youth on his review site.

http://thefigureinquestion.wordpress.com/2014/07/08/gahhhhhhhhh/

Basically, when he was a young child he saw an action figure he wanted in a toy store, but right as he reached the row a man in front of him grabbed every single one and put them in his own basket. The child's father was with him, and politely asked the man if he could spare one of the figures so his son could have one. The man looked at the child and said he was welcome to buy one from the man at his dealerís table at the next local convention, for his marked up price.  The father kept his calm and asked the manís name, which the man provided.  The father then asked the name of the convention the man was planning to be a dealer at.  The man said [Local Convention].  The father, the chairman of [Local Convention] at the time, responded with ďNo you wonítĒ and walked away with his child in tow.

gramma dishes

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5998 on: July 11, 2014, 09:31:13 AM »
Around here there are two ways to deal with toy scalpers.  (We saw a lot of them during the Beanie Baby craze.)

1.  Stores refuse to sell more than two of any particular given item to a single customer.
2.  Customers wanting that product refuse to pay inflated prices requested by sellers of such merchandise.  In most cases stores are able to reassure customers that there are more (of given item) coming and they will be notified as soon as said items come in.

If these slugs didn't make a profit off of selling these items at inflated prices, the practice would stop.

Twik

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Re: Professional Darwinism: Update to OP on p.74
« Reply #5999 on: July 11, 2014, 09:54:47 AM »
A friend of mine is an avid collector of action figures, and recently recounted a story of PD from his youth on his review site.

http://thefigureinquestion.wordpress.com/2014/07/08/gahhhhhhhhh/

Basically, when he was a young child he saw an action figure he wanted in a toy store, but right as he reached the row a man in front of him grabbed every single one and put them in his own basket. The child's father was with him, and politely asked the man if he could spare one of the figures so his son could have one. The man looked at the child and said he was welcome to buy one from the man at his dealerís table at the next local convention, for his marked up price.  The father kept his calm and asked the manís name, which the man provided.  The father then asked the name of the convention the man was planning to be a dealer at.  The man said [Local Convention].  The father, the chairman of [Local Convention] at the time, responded with ďNo you wonítĒ and walked away with his child in tow.

That's a great story!
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."