General Etiquette > Family and Children

Uncle Being Unreasonable

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NEDESAPIO:
My uncle (my mom's older brother) is marrying his partner in January 2007.  This will be his fourth marriage.  He lives in Seattle; my mom, my younger brother and I all live in northern Virginia.  He and his partner visited us last October and told my mom about the upcoming wedding while my mom was taking them on a tour of Washington, DC.  Privately, my mom told my uncle that she was sorry but she wouldn't be able to afford to travel to the wedding.  At the time he seemed fine with this.

This morning, he suddenly calls up his mother (my grandmother), irate because "no one" from "the family" will be at the wedding. He said that my brother and I should both go out to Seattle, and that my grandmother should pay for the trip.  Just as background, my grandmother is 91 and legally blind because of macular degeneration; she's in a retirement community, but still my mom doesn't like to leave her for long periods of time. 

I think it was unfair of my uncle to demand his mother pay for the trip and for him to try to dictate what my brother and I, both adults, should do.  I myself don't have the money right now to make such a trip, and neither does my brother.  But more to the point, I hardly even know this uncle.  The few times I did meet him, he either ignored me or was surly.  My mom doesn't get along with him very well, either.

My etiquette question:  what do you think I should say or do if this my uncle calls or e-mails me about why I'm not going to his wedding?
 

DottyG:
Not related to the question, but just out of curiosity.....were the other marriages g@y* ones as well?

(If that's too personal a question, you don't have to answer.  I was just wondering.  Plus, it might make a difference as to whether or not this latest one is one that you feel up to going to.)

*As we found in another thread, the filter doesn't let us post that word with an "a" instead of the "@".

sweedetobee:
To uncle: Thank you so much for inviting us, but neither brother or I have the funds to be able to travel to Seattle and we just don't feel right about accepting grandma's money so we will not be able to make it. The next time we see you we will take you adn your spouse out for a celebratory drink. Please send photos of your wedding. Best Wishes! NEDESAPIO and brother

To grandma: Hi, I know uncle called you about sending us to his wedding, but unfortunately we will not be able to attend so please don't even think about offering to send us. We'll see uncle and spouse in the future and celebrate then. Love you! NEDESAPIO and brother

NEDESAPIO:
By "partner" I meant the woman he lives with.  Perhaps this was a bad choice of word.

Lisbeth:
Write back to your uncle:

Dear Uncle: Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.  Unfortunately, it will not be possible for me to attend.  Thank you very much for the invitation.

Sincerely,

NEDESAPIO

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