Good Morning!

[KitKat]

Dear Abby, second letter:
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100221

It must be tough to be the parent of a child with disabilities.  I can understand feeling sad that people don't return a greeting (if that reason is b/c of the disability), but people in the middle of cell phone conversations are supposed to interrupt their call to greet someone they don't know?  And Abby sympathized with her.

[Hushabye]

It doesn't even sound like he's talking to people they know ("loves to say "Good morning" to people when we're out").  I guess I don't understand why complete strangers should be expected to interrupt their own conversations walking down the street, and if they're wearing headphones, it might be because they're trying to get somewhere or are listening to a book or just don't want to interact with the rest of the world.  I'm not sure what's rude about that.

[KimberlyRose]

Gotta love the blame put on electronic devices.  Don't forget the people who are lost in their own thoughts and don't hear the greeting, or the people who don't realize that this child who they don't know is talking to them.  Unless the people look at him while he's saying it and blank him, or they noticeably look away (granted, this mom would probably would see just about anything as a noticeable snub), then they're not being rude.  I doubt anyone's blowing him off because of a disability.

I don't think this can be pinned on people getting lost in their electronic devices, and even if it could?  It's still not rude, because all these people are doing is going about their business without disturbing anyone else.

[pierrotlunaire0]

Although Abby said that perhaps people perceive that he is a little off, and that's why they don't respond, I thought it was probably the reverse.  People on the street don't perceive the disability.  Having a stranger walk up and greet you on the street for no reason is a little intimidating.  For example, it can be the opening for an obnoxious sales pitch.

Years ago, I worked with the chronically mentall ill, and I had a client who did this, but he was so obviously disabled, that most times, people would say hi back.

[Surianne]

Having a stranger walk up and greet you on the street for no reason is a little intimidating. 

How so?  Maybe this is a regional thing...I say good morning to strangers all the time, and they usually say it back (or beat me to it). 

I doubt people are being rude intentionally--like previous posters said, they could be lost in thought or in the middle of a conversation.  I wouldn't say good morning to someone taking on a cell, since that's interrupting them, and I think the mom should teach her son that as well.

[pierrotlunaire0]

It must be a regional thing, because it is not done here

[Diane AKA Traska]

I'm going to come out and say this... I try to avoid interacting with children.

Now, it's not because I dislike children (I don't, at all.  I don't particularly like them, either... but then I don't particularly like or dislike firefighters, retail cashiers, or gas station attendants.  I judge everyone I meet on a case-by-case basis).  But the news is too full of stories of people who try to be nice to children and the parent goes apescat.  I want to minimize the possibility of being on the tracks when the 10:15 Mama Bear barrels into the station, so I do what I can to minimize contact with kids I don't know.

There was a time when I'd make eye contact, say hi.  But I've gotten too many glares to keep doing that.

[Sharnita]

Having a stranger walk up and greet you on the street for no reason is a little intimidating. 

How so?  Maybe this is a regional thing...I say good morning to strangers all the time, and they usually say it back (or beat me to it). 

I doubt people are being rude intentionally--like previous posters said, they could be lost in thought or in the middle of a conversation.  I wouldn't say good morning to someone taking on a cell, since that's interrupting them, and I think the mom should teach her son that as well.

I have to agree with this.  I've frequently said hello and/or had strangers initiate the same greeting.

I can understand people not responding either because they weren't paying attention, they thought it was meant for somebody else, they aren't sure if there is parental support for their interaction with the child...

[TaylorMade]

I think Abby was 'off' in her answer.

I, myself, say "good morning", "hi", "good afternoon" to strangers.  But, I do not interrupt people that are already engaged in something else.  That could be: listening to their iPod, talking on a cell phone, staring at the ceiling obviously lost in their own thoughts.

I think that the mother should work with her child to teach him when it is appropriate to say greetings while you are out and about.

Also... why did Abby bring up relatives?  The letter writer clearly stated "when we're out"

[Surianne]

I think Abby was 'off' in her answer.

I, myself, say "good morning", "hi", "good afternoon" to strangers.  But, I do not interrupt people that are already engaged in something else.  That could be: listening to their iPod, talking on a cell phone, staring at the ceiling obviously lost in their own thoughts.

I agree.  Eye contact is usually my signal that I should said hi/good morning.  If the child isn't able to recognize that very easily, at least a "no greetings while person is on the phone / talking to someone" rule should be fine.  But it seems like the mom is getting offended when people who are busy don't say hi--when her son shouldn't be interrupting them in the first place.  

Also... why did Abby bring up relatives?  The letter writer clearly stated "when we're out"

I have *no* idea.  My guess is Abby is mad at someone in her family?  It sure would be fun to have a passive aggressive personality and have an advice column...

[blarg314]

Having a stranger walk up and greet you on the street for no reason is a little intimidating. 

How so?  Maybe this is a regional thing...I say good morning to strangers all the time, and they usually say it back (or beat me to it). 

It's definitely a city size thing. In big cities, there are so many people out that you don't, as general good manners, make eye contact or say hello to random strangers  on the street. If you tried to pay attention to everyone, you'd never get anywhere.  At some level you pretend the other people aren't there, to give them and you a bit of mental space, in lieu of physical space.
 
To be honest, if someone I don't know says hello, I'd probably assume they were speaking to someone next to me or behind me. If I noticed a kid saying hello I'd say it back, but odds are I wouldn't notice. And I don't wear headphone on the street at all.

[magician5]

I can understand people feeling a bit uncomfortable when suddenly confronted in a way that seems to violate the usual arms-length social barrier between strangers. I can understand being a bit uncomfortable not quite knowing how to respond when the accustomed "social contract" doesn't apply. I can understand not responding when you're on the phone, thus in your "mental telephone booth" and possibly even blocking your own awareness of intrusive greetings.

Being put off-guard suddenly, it takes a lot of thinking to regain your composure and respond in a way that puts everyone back at ease.

I'd hope, if I were the one being greeted, that I'd have enough presence of mind to smile and nod, at the very least.

[Auntie Mame]

If I heard a "good morning" from a random person I had never seen before, I would honestly assume they were addressing someone else and just keep going. 

Besides I live in a major city, if I was expected to greet every single person I came across "goodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorninggoodmorning" I would lose my voice

Also, I don't respond to greetings from strangers because 99% of the time it's an opening for one of two things 1) a sales pitch 2) creepy random guy wants to hit on me in a wildly obnoxious and inappropriate way.

[TychaBrahe]

Having a stranger walk up and greet you on the street for no reason is a little intimidating. 

How so?  Maybe this is a regional thing...I say good morning to strangers all the time, and they usually say it back (or beat me to it). 

I do, too.  But I don't interrupt groups of people in conversation or people who are obviously talking on their cell phones. 

Imagine this discussion:

My sister is one of those chatty people who loves to talk.  She has a three block walk from her bus stop to her apartment, and most nights she calls me on her cell phone so that we can catch up about our days.  I don't mind this, because I'm a chatty person, too.  (And my husband loves it, because I'm a bit chatted out when I get home and I'm not pestering him to tell me everything about *his* day.)

However, my sister also likes to greet people on the street.  We will be right in the middle of a conversation, and she will break off and I will hear, "Good evening!"  "Hello, Mrs. Smith!" or "Hey there, Bosco!  How's the fire hydrant this evening?"  I think this is very rude.  I feel she should either have a conversation with me, or not and have one with the people she encounters.  It would be one thing if we were physically together, and I could see these people approaching.  I can't.  Instead I suddenly realize she's talking to someone else and hasn't heard a word I've said.

She says I'm petty.

I'm also not too keen on people who expect other people to provide their entertainment.  I especially dislike it when parents expect other adults to entertain their children.  I'm not an employee of the Children's Television Workshop, and I'm not out in public to serve as a background performer a la Sesame Street.

I realize that this mother will have a harder time explaining to her child that other people don't necessarily want to interact with him, but she really does need to get that idea across to him at some point.

[Mahdoumi]

I don't see the harm in responding to a child greeting me with "good morning."  And I believe it is rude to ignore a pleasantry unless you are otherwise immersed in conversation (cell phone or otherwise), asleep or administering CPR. 

Avoiding engagement with a child because one doesn't care for children is - well, I don't know.  What sort of reaction would one get if they claimed to avoid saying "good morning" to purple people or men or tourists or census takers because they simply didn't like them or had bad past experiences with them?