Good Morning!

[Diane AKA Traska]

To clarify:  I like children (well, I like likable children).  I've just seen/heard too much about parents who think *any* adult interacting with said child is a threat.  I used to smile back if a child were staring at me in a supermarket (me behind them in line, for example).  But after one too many glares from the parent, I stopped acknowledging the child's existence.  It's better that way, in the social environment we're in today.

[loner]

When I was younger I rarely replied to people when they say good morning to me.  I would get nervous in social situations so I would always ask myself things like is this person talking to me or what is the correct response or do I know them from somewhere.  By the time I answer those questions I was usually past the person.  I am a lot better about it now but I still have moments where I slip up.
Plus there is always the chance that I am caught up in my own thoughts and simply didn't hear the person.

[TychaBrahe]

I don't see the harm in responding to a child greeting me with "good morning."  And I believe it is rude to ignore a pleasantry unless you are otherwise immersed in conversation (cell phone or otherwise), asleep or administering CPR. 

So if I am reading at the bus stop, or going over my daily tasks in my head, or composing a poem, or trying to look up the bus schedule on my cell phone, or wondering if my friend Debra is going to be free for lunch, or counting the stitches in the piece I am crocheting, or engaged in whatever I choose to be engaged with, I am subject to the whims of other members of the public? 

If you go to Disneyland or Williamsburg, there are people who are paid to stand around and respond to the pleasantries of the passing gentry.  I am not a Docent for the Great Outdoors. 

[Twik]

I don't see the harm in responding to a child greeting me with "good morning."  And I believe it is rude to ignore a pleasantry unless you are otherwise immersed in conversation (cell phone or otherwise), asleep or administering CPR. 

So if I am reading at the bus stop, or going over my daily tasks in my head, or composing a poem, or trying to look up the bus schedule on my cell phone, or wondering if my friend Debra is going to be free for lunch, or counting the stitches in the piece I am crocheting, or engaged in whatever I choose to be engaged with, I am subject to the whims of other members of the public? 

Alas, yes. You will be seen as rude if you cannot disengage from your contemplation of Debra's social calendar to reply, "Good morning," to someone who has addressed you in a similar manner. Society expects a certain minimum level of interaction when you're out in public, and refusing to acknowledge a courtesy greeting does peg you as impolite.

Of course, it is also a good idea for people who want to say "good morning" to others to try to avoid those who appear busy, or distracted, or zoned out.

[Hushabye]

I don't see the harm in responding to a child greeting me with "good morning."  And I believe it is rude to ignore a pleasantry unless you are otherwise immersed in conversation (cell phone or otherwise), asleep or administering CPR. 

So if I am reading at the bus stop, or going over my daily tasks in my head, or composing a poem, or trying to look up the bus schedule on my cell phone, or wondering if my friend Debra is going to be free for lunch, or counting the stitches in the piece I am crocheting, or engaged in whatever I choose to be engaged with, I am subject to the whims of other members of the public? 

Alas, yes. You will be seen as rude if you cannot disengage from your contemplation of Debra's social calendar to reply, "Good morning," to someone who has addressed you in a similar manner. Society expects a certain minimum level of interaction when you're out in public, and refusing to acknowledge a courtesy greeting does peg you as impolite.

Of course, it is also a good idea for people who want to say "good morning" to others to try to avoid those who appear busy, or distracted, or zoned out.

Wait, it's really etiquettely correct to interrupt people who are engaged in other activities?

[Twik]

I would not say "good morning" to someone engaged, say, in brain surgery, if I wandered into the operating theatre. Or even if they look like they're trying to pick up a stitch in their knitting that had just dropped.

But if they're not doing something that obviously requires full concentration, it's polite to greet them, and it's then polite of them to respond back. Greetings usually do not distract people that much to give or receive.

Otherwise, when exactly would you say "good morning" to *anyone*? Most people are doing *something*, or at least look like they're thinking about something, most of the time. If we only greet people wandering around with completely open expressions, we'll say hello or good morning very rarely.

And if you make a habit of not replying to courtesy greetings, yes, you will be considered rude.

[C0mputerGeek]

And if you make a habit of not replying to courtesy greetings, yes, you will be considered rude.

I strongly disagree. I don't think that anyone is ever required to interact with a complete stranger. There are certainly ways to minimize appearing open to conversation - it's why I always have reading material on me in line or on public transportation - but I am not required to interact with someone just because they decided to speak to me*.

I will make an effort to respond to children - if I notice them - but I am not required to do so.

In fact, I think what's rude is to force some random person that does not want to interact with you to recognize your existence.

*Since I know someone will start throwing out completely unrelated strawman arguments, there are obvious exceptions to this such as when a clerk asks a question which is needed to complete a transaction or when the police show up at your door to evacuate you because of a mud slide. However, these instances are also not examples of being approached by some random stranger.

[Auntie Mame]

I don't see the harm in responding to a child greeting me with "good morning."  And I believe it is rude to ignore a pleasantry unless you are otherwise immersed in conversation (cell phone or otherwise), asleep or administering CPR.  

So if I am reading at the bus stop, or going over my daily tasks in my head, or composing a poem, or trying to look up the bus schedule on my cell phone, or wondering if my friend Debra is going to be free for lunch, or counting the stitches in the piece I am crocheting, or engaged in whatever I choose to be engaged with, I am subject to the whims of other members of the public?  

Alas, yes. You will be seen as rude if you cannot disengage from your contemplation of Debra's social calendar to reply, "Good morning," to someone who has addressed you in a similar manner. Society expects a certain minimum level of interaction when you're out in public, and refusing to acknowledge a courtesy greeting does peg you as impolite.

Of course, it is also a good idea for people who want to say "good morning" to others to try to avoid those who appear busy, or distracted, or zoned out.

I have to disagree Twik.  Round these parts, and in my neighborhood, it's a very bad idea to respond to greetings.  

I also don't think I'm rude because I won't greet every.single.person.I.see.  That would be exhausting.

I also don't appreciate some random stranger I have just met interrupting my concentration, for what exactly?  You broke into my personal bubble to say what?  Do we even know each other?

[Diane AKA Traska]

When I'm walking to the store, I may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm always doing *something*.  I may be listening to music.  I may be deep in thought (as an avid roleplayer, I often use that time to work on roleplaying stuff.  It's amazing how much a walk with nothing but your own thoughts can accomplish).  I may just be thinking about what I'm going to buy.  But I'm not going to be on the lookout for people to talk to.  I'm just not a chatty person by nature.

Which brings us to a question... is not being chatty... rude?

[Twik]

I suppose I come from a small town, because I never really thought that simply saying "good morning" made you a target of evil-doers.

Of course, you don't have to respond to people you suspect are actually planning to make your morning a little less good. (I must admit, when I confronted a burglar, whose first comment was ".... And how are YOU today?" I didn't actually explain to him that, all things considered, I'd been better.) But even in Bigtown where I live now, brushing off a "good morning" seems to be ignoring a minimal courtesy.

(Listening to music, etc., clearly comes under the "otherwise occupied" exemption. I would not expect people to remove earphones to greet strangers. But a smile or nod, say, if someone sat down beside them on the subway seems a minimal greeting that says, "Hello, I recognize you as a fellow human being, rather than ignoring you as if you were not there".)

I guess I look pretty non-threatening, because even in big US cities, I've not found many people who wouldn't say "good morning" back, if I said it to them.

It's not about being chatty. It's simply about returning a greeting, and proceeding on your way.

[Mahdoumi]

Exactly, Twik.  Oh, the irony of reading on an etiquette board  about people claiming they are not required to return a "good morning" with a similar pleasantry.  So, just as someone would be labeled rude for chewing with his or her mouth open (excluding the few who will post that they simply must because of nasal polyps or deviated septum or allergy or whatever), it's considered rude not to respond to a quick pleasantry.  Those of you who believe that your Ipod or Blackberry or random thoughts are more important than a strange human being:  Would you ignore the greeting from someone you knew?  Why or why not?  To me, that would be more of an intrusion on your personal time than a quick "good morning" from someone standing at the bus stop with you or sharing an elevator with you.

[loner]

Your forgetting that at the other end of a cell phone is another person.  If I am speaking on the phone and you say good morning to me you are interrupting my conversation. 
I am from a small town too and if I am simply walking or standing at a bus stop or on an elevator I will return the pleasantry, but if I am doing something or thinking about something I may not stop or even realize you are talking to me.

[C0mputerGeek]

Exactly, Twik.  Oh, the irony of reading on an etiquette board  about people claiming they are not required to return a "good morning" with a similar pleasantry.

I don't find it remotely ironic.

I am not required to return the greeting of everyone that says hello to me. It's a safety issue. It's a maintaining boundaries issue. I am just not going to do it.

I also don't see how it's remotely comparable to chewing with one's mouth open.

[Mahdoumi]

Exactly, Twik.  Oh, the irony of reading on an etiquette board  about people claiming they are not required to return a "good morning" with a similar pleasantry.

I don't find it remotely ironic.

I am not required to return the greeting of everyone that says hello to me. Yes, actually, you are.It's a safety issue. Saying "good morning" is a safety issue???  For heaven's sake, I grew up in NYC in the '70s and now live in Philadelphia and do not feel I'm compromising my safety by replying to someone's "good morning" especially if it's a child. It's a maintaining boundaries issue. I am just not going to do it. This is probably explains it best.  You don't want to reply to a pleasantry regardless of whether you're being rude.  However, you choosing to ignore a pleasantry regardless of the reason, doesn't make it any less rude.  We always say, "Safety trumps etiquette," so if you feel unsafe acknowledging certain people, then better to be rude than sorry later.

I also don't see how it's remotely comparable to chewing with one's mouth open.  Both actions are rude.

[C0mputerGeek]

 Mahdoumi you seem unwilling to accept that just because you are comfortable doing something does not mean I or everyone else need to be.

I've already clarified that I usually, but not always, return the greeting of a child. It depends on the expression of their parent's face, whether I am paying attention and other factors as well. Since I've had parents shriek at me like a banshee for returning their child's greeting, I will definitely only respond if I can read the parent they're with.

Maintaining boundaries means, amoung many things, that I am definitely not going to return a greeting that I feel is the beginning of a long conversation I don't want to have.

Franky, I don't feel like I need to list every reason why I or anyone else may or may not return a greeting.

It's not the right of you or anyone else  to force some random stranger to acknowledge you. Frankly, ImHO, the rude person is the one that cannot understand this.