Good Morning!

[Surianne]

I am definitely on the side of it being rude to ignore someone who has greeted you, except when you're doing so for personal safety.  I think Twik has said it better than I could, though.  I'm a small town girl, but even when I lived in the city people smiled back when I said hi.  (Of course, I also got a lot of questions from tourists!  But I'm happy to help.) 

I guess the difference with me is I see it as a kindness someone is offering me, to wish me a good morning, rather than a horrible interruption of my personal time. 

[baglady]

It's unfortunate that the writer of the first Miss Manners letter mentioned the young men's race. Because, as Miss Manners pointed out, approaching strange women on the street is not a young (Insert Ethnic Group Here) guy thing; it's a young guy thing, period. That approach can take the form of a "How you doin'?" or a "Hey, baby" or a whistle -- it still makes many of us uncomfortable, regardless of the ethnicity of the males involved. (Or age, for that matter. I used to get that stuff from middle-aged construction workers.)

But we're getting far, far away from the question Perry's mom is asking, which is: Are these people rude for not acknowledging her son's "Good mornings"? While the letter of the etiquette law says it's rude to not acknowledge a greeting, there may be a million non-rude reasons why they aren't. They didn't hear it (listening to music). They're otherwise occupied (phone call). They didn't realize the greeting was addressed to them.

I know if I were walking down the street, and a child I didn't know called out "Good morning," nine times out of 10 I'd assume that he was either addressing someone else or (especially if it wasn't actually morning) imitating something he'd seen on TV or whatever. If it was obvious that he was addressing me, I'd definitely respond.

[Queen of Clubs]

I guess we won't ever agree with this because I don't feel that Miss Manners supports requiring people to say hello to every person that greets them.

I agree with C0mputerGeek.  I don't feel that I have to interact with a stranger simply because they wish to interact with me.  If I choose to return a greeting, it's a kindness on my behalf but I don't think it's required.

As for the original post, I agree with baglady, in that if I heard a child calling out 'good morning', I'd assume they were speaking to someone they know.

[SkyTalon]

I really think this is a pure regional thing.

I live in suburbia of Philly, and this thing is Just. Not. Done. Saying 'Good Morning' to a stranger will get you a cold look and maybe a verbal reply.

Because of this, I am sort of auto-programmed to assume that any greeting by someone I don't know is for someone else. And FWIW, I do find it rude to randomly greet strangers. I know it makes me feel uncomfortable and usually wrecks whatever train of thought I had going.


I also, like a few PPs, have a policy of not responding (or at least in my case, out right ignoring) children, for the same reasons and then some. I find it creepy and it puts me on high alert.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Perry is learning to communicate effectively with the world around him - a tough task for a child with autism - and he is with his mother.

This is going to sound cruel, but honestly, I have no "soft" way of saying this... it isn't my responsibility to make sure that every child learns basic communications.  Now, yes, this child has special difficulties.  But I'm walking down the street, I may not even know that.  All I know is that a child I don't know is addressing me.  I ignore it for safety reasons, because I avoid interaction with children I don't know, because these days anyone childless who interacts with children they don't know are seen by many to b at least a little creepy.

Also,

I am definitely on the side of it being rude to ignore someone who has greeted you, except when you're doing so for personal safety.

And yet the point has been made... repeatedly... that one needn't be obligated to enter into an interaction.  When the telephone rings, that is a greeting.  It's a "handshake", between your phone and theirs.  It's the telephonic equivalent of a friendly wave.  But just today, the point was made on these forums that "just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it." 

Likewise, a knock on your front door is a form of greeting.  And yet again, the point has been made that just because someone knocks at your front door doesn't mean you have to answer it.  Even if they can see you clearly through a plate glass window that faces the front of the house and the curtains are wide open for all to see, it's been stated that it's not rude to ignore that greeting.

However, now we're being told that just because we are greeted on the street by people we don't know, we are required to respond in kind, or we are rude (no ifs ands or buts).  Why is it true for passing strangers, but not the telephone or the front door?  Is it because they see you out and about?  That seems rather arbitrary.  We're told we should even be interrupting our own phone conversations (incredibly rude, to my mind) to return an unsolicited greeting from someone whom we don't know.  That doesn't seem very polite to me.

Just because I'm not in my house, doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to set personal boundaries.  You have every right to greet me, but that right ends at my airspace... you have no right to expect a greeting in return.  If a greeting *is* returned, that is a pleasant courtesy.  But it is not a requirement.

[Surianne]

I am definitely on the side of it being rude to ignore someone who has greeted you, except when you're doing so for personal safety.

And yet the point has been made... repeatedly... that one needn't be obligated to enter into an interaction. 

That was me you were quoting.  Yes, the point has been made repeatedly, but I don't think that means one more person isn't allowed to chime in to say "I disagree."  And so I'm sharing my opinion.

[Diane AKA Traska]

So then, I need to ask (for clarification, because there's a disconnect that I'm truly not getting):

You're saying if the phone rings, it's rude not to answer it, even if you don't recognize the number?  If the doorbell rings (or someone knocks), and you don't recognize them, you have to answer?  Because that has been stated time and time again to not be the case, and there seemed to be a unanimous consensus.  Was I wrong, or have things changed?

[Mahdoumi]

I ignore it for safety reasons, because I avoid interaction with children I don't know, because these days anyone childless who interacts with children they don't know are seen by many to b at least a little creepy.

Traska, do you really think it's "unsafe" to respond to a child's "good morning?"  My toddler is going through the stage of saying "hi" to everyone as we walk home from the sitter's every day.  I do not think anyone is creepy for cheerfully replying, "Hi!" back to her.  I don't know any other mother who would take offense to this scenario.

I also don't equate not answering the phone or the doorbell with totally ignoring someone who is looking right at you saying, "Good morning."  If I got on an elevator with you, I would greet you with a "Good morning" and not expect to be BFFs or even to carrying on any further conversation.  I consider it polite and would think you were very rude if you kept staring straight ahead without acknowledging my greeting or even my presence.

A greeting on the street without the scenario of the first Miss Manner's letter, which was NOT a greeting but thinly veiled harrassment deserves a response, even if it's a nod of the head.

[SkyTalon]

I ignore it for safety reasons, because I avoid interaction with children I don't know, because these days anyone childless who interacts with children they don't know are seen by many to b at least a little creepy.

Traska, do you really think it's "unsafe" to respond to a child's "good morning?"  My toddler is going through the stage of saying "hi" to everyone as we walk home from the sitter's every day.  I do not think anyone is creepy for cheerfully replying, "Hi!" back to her.  I don't know any other mother who would take offense to this scenario.

I've had it happen to me. Little girl cheerily says 'Hi' to me, I (in a moment of foolishness apparently) say 'hello' back. Mother then looks like she's going inflict unholy wrath apon me, grabs her child and reprimands her for talking to strangers.

As I said, it's purely regional. In this scenario:

If I got on an elevator with you, I would greet you with a "Good morning" and not expect to be BFFs or even to carrying on any further conversation.  I consider it polite and would think you were very rude if you kept staring straight ahead without acknowledging my greeting or even my presence.

A greeting on the street without the scenario of the first Miss Manner's letter, which was NOT a greeting but thinly veiled harrassment deserves a response, even if it's a nod of the head.

A grunt or a nod of the head is about all you'd really get in my area, if that. Trust me, I've seen it. Occasionally there're those who say 'Good Morning' back in a warm manner, but likely you wouldn't be getting anything but frost. Where I'm from the most greeting you see is eye contact, maybe a twitch of the head downward if you're feeling friendly.

[Diane AKA Traska]

I also don't equate not answering the phone or the doorbell with totally ignoring someone who is looking right at you saying, "Good morning."

I don't understand why not.  All three are invitations to interactions.  The only difference is that there's no physical structure separating you in the last example.

And I'm just going to agree with Talon, because it's precisely what I was talking about.  It's not every parent who does that, but it's enough that I no longer take my chances.

[Mahdoumi]

SkyTalon, I'm so sorry you ran into such a paranoid mother.  While she was correct in instructing her child not to approach strangers, she should never have given you the look of death.  I appreciate that you gave the child the reaction she was seeking.  

As far as your regional custom, thank you for explaining it even though the behavior is completely foreign to me.  And I'm from a big city!

However, after considerable thought over why some posters adamantly refuse to acknowledge a stranger, I will admit that when I take public transportation, I have never sat down next to someone with a "good morning."  I only greet someone I sit next to on an airplane since we're in closer physical contact for longer periods of time.  And I hope no one thinks I walk through the lobby of my office building greeting each and every person with a "Good morning," "hiya!" or "Howya doin'" like a politician!

[kareng57]

I ignore it for safety reasons, because I avoid interaction with children I don't know, because these days anyone childless who interacts with children they don't know are seen by many to b at least a little creepy.

Traska, do you really think it's "unsafe" to respond to a child's "good morning?"  My toddler is going through the stage of saying "hi" to everyone as we walk home from the sitter's every day.  I do not think anyone is creepy for cheerfully replying, "Hi!" back to her.  I don't know any other mother who would take offense to this scenario.

I also don't equate not answering the phone or the doorbell with totally ignoring someone who is looking right at you saying, "Good morning."  If I got on an elevator with you, I would greet you with a "Good morning" and not expect to be BFFs or even to carrying on any further conversation.  I consider it polite and would think you were very rude if you kept staring straight ahead without acknowledging my greeting or even my presence.

A greeting on the street without the scenario of the first Miss Manner's letter, which was NOT a greeting but thinly veiled harrassment deserves a response, even if it's a nod of the head.

No, I don't think that anyone is creepy for responding to a small child's greeting.  But I don't think they ought to be obligated to do so either, whether or not it contributes to the child's social education.

DS #2 was like this when he was about 2 - wherever we were - in a park, in a shopping mall or at the airport, he would cheerfully say "hi!" to about every other person that we passed.  I'd say that maybe about one person in five responded - often with just a smile.  It didn't really bother either of us.  DS #1, however (one year older) was very disapproving.  As far as he was concerned, his brother "should not be talking to strangers!"  I did my best to explain that talking to "strangers" was perfectly fine if Mom or Dad was right there, but he wasn't having any of that.....

For OP - I think you need to understand that a child of around age 6 who gives a "good morning!" greeting at any time of the day, to just about anyone, might seem to be a bit odd.  Personally, I would probably respond with a nod and a smile, probably not much more.  It sounds great that he is becoming more socialised, but it could take a few years for him to learn that no-response isn't necessarily rude.  Lots of people are just so preoccupied that they won't have heard him - or, simply don't respond to strangers in the street whether they are kids or adults.

[SisJackson]

I must say that I wouldn't notice a child saying anything to me because I am not tuned into children's voices.  I don't have children, and when I'm out and about, there are no children who should be speaking to me, so I am not programmed to listen for them.  If a child were to say "Good morning" within earshot of me, I would likely not realize it at all as my subconscious brain would push the voice aside with a that couldn't possibly have been meant for me.

I cannot even imagine the difficulties of trying to teach proper manners and boundaries to a child with a disability.  However, I don't think I can be expected to know in most cases that the child saying hello to me on the street is disabled, so even if the sound did happen to register on my radar, I wouldn't likely respond; where I live, greeting strangers in the street is just not done.

[pierrotlunaire0]

It has been said here that if you feel intimidated then not responding to the stranger greeting you is understandable, but it is rude in principal to not respond to a friendly greeting.

The reason I do not respond relates to 2 instances I experienced.  In the first, the man who said hi, and then excused himself to get past me to the greeting cards, initiated a conversation with me.  I was responding to his questions until I realized that he was using the opportunity to masturbate  and was attempting to stand ever closer so that he could rub up against me.

The second instance was the absolutely adorable child who was trying to speak to me, and was (it turned out) the distraction for the adult who was attempt to steal my purse.

Yes, I live in a not very nice neighborhood, but I have adopted t fairly cool stance when greeted by strangers.  I may nod in a very nondescript manner, which is an acknowledgement that I heard the greeting, but it also makes it clear that I have no wish to go further. 

[stargazer]

I also don't equate not answering the phone or the doorbell with totally ignoring someone who is looking right at you saying, "Good morning."

I don't understand why not.  All three are invitations to interactions.  The only difference is that there's no physical structure separating you in the last example.

And I'm just going to agree with Talon, because it's precisely what I was talking about.  It's not every parent who does that, but it's enough that I no longer take my chances.

I totally agree as well.  We've even been told that if someone is outside your door/windown and you can hear them say "good morning" it is absolutely not rude to ignore it. 

I tend to walk around in a daze anyway - I've had people that I "know" come up to me and say they've been calling my name and I don't hear them.  I'm in my own little world so I probably wouldn't hear a good morning anyhow.