Large Family Bingo- Rant

[AdakAK]

She sent him to live IN A CHILDREN'S HOME. And it wasn't that she couldn't afford to look after him, it was just that she lived with her daughter (20 years older than her son) and preferred her daughter's children! This child had to see his mother come pick up his niece and nephew from school on a daily basis while he had to wait for the bus from the children's home. I swear, every time I saw that mother I felt like killing her.

That breaks my heart!!    I can't imagine doing that to a child.  Why did her daughter put up with that??  That's her brother!

Susan

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I can't imagine doing that to a child.  Why did her daughter put up with that??  That's her brother!

Well, the child had ADHD and it was quite severe. If he didn't take his meds he would turn into a whiny brat who fought with everyone, threw tantrums, etc. I know because I witnessed it more than once; even having to send him out of the class a couple of times because he was so disruptive. But if he took his meds he was fine. If he just got some attention, he was fine.

The mother originally sent him to live in the children's home as she "couldn't cope", but this was after she moved in with her daughter. They then said that the child was "getting sneaky" and "picking up bad behaviour" from the other kids at the home, and he was a "bad influence" on his niece and nephew.

And I saw just what a lovely, creative boy he was. Give him attention, make sure he takes his meds, he's a love. He even designed me a card for my brother's housewarming and it was lovely! I think his mother honestly just did not want him, and neither did his sister. At one stage the home asked his mother to consider taking him back, and she refused because "he'll be a bad influence on my grandchildren".

Sometimes I still see his mother around (she lives near the school) and I feel like throttling her and her daughter every time!

[AdakAK]

Sometimes I still see his mother around (she lives near the school) and I feel like throttling her and her daughter every time!

I nominate you for sainthood for restraining yourself.  Sometimes you wonder, if the child's behavior is a chicken or an egg.  It couldn't help that his family treated him that way! 

I just can not express how sad that makes me.  That doesn't sound like he really needed much 'extra'.  (Not that kids who do need extra care don't deserve it as well, at all.) 

Susan

[NOVA Lady]

Its always stunned me when people think that commenting on reproductive choices like how many kids to have is OK.

I for one want 0 children, none at all. I get it ALL the time....I am a child hater, I will be lonely, I am a selfish monster who never thinks of others, I will never be a woman because a real woman isn't complete until she is a mother and on and on. I get so annoyed.

But apparently when you do what people say I should and go ahead and have children then they make negative comments. They mock people with just one child (wont she be lonely, she'll be spoiled, she wont know how to share) and then they mock people with a lot (and I dont think 4 is really a lot or unusual, is it?) by asking if you know where they come from, how they're made and on and on and on.

But seriously, let people have have as many or as few as they want and like you said as long as they are paying for them and raising them themselves, who really cares?

And saying "better you then me", really why even say it. I have a feeling some people just like the sounds of their own voices.

[NOVA Lady]

Guess it's good that they weren't passing out flyers from Planned Parenthood.

I just wanted to ask.... why was it good they weren't passing out flyers on planned parenthood? Is planned parenthood somehow against larger families or families with closely spaced kids?

Hmmm, last I knew of them they provided family planning and me the health needs of women no matter what their reprodutive decisions were (as in no kids, putting off having kids, having as many as possible, planning on a few, etc).

Sorry to pick on this but I really dislike the public perception that all planned parenthood does is give abortions and therefore is anti-children or child birth.

[hjaye]

“Oh my, are ALL those kids yours?”

"OH MY GOODNESS! Where did the other seven go?"

Either that or,

"HOLY TOLEDO! That dream wasn't a dream after all!"

She might try saying something along the lines of "we really didn't plan on it, it's all the tossing and turning my husband does in his sleep"

[ehartsay]

WOW.

It is amazing how people think that it is OK to make rude and intrusive remarks or ask rude and intrusive questions of women whose reproductive choices are different from theirs.

It is the same d-mn thing when someone finds outthat you DON'T want kids.

[Clara Bow]

Marina, I don't mean to pry but do you have a female reproductive organ? If so, congratulations on being a complete woman....
People are idiots. I'm not a "real" mother because I only have one child.

[NOVA Lady]

LOL Auntie Venom!

I have fulfilled my motherly urges by spoiling my cats rotten. They're not allowed in my office because thats where we're hiding their huge new cat condo for christmas/Hanukah (they're mixed cats)

 

[goblue2539]

People are idiots. I'm not a "real" mother because I only have one child.

My mom told me this was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to her.  Because being a mother should be enough.  There shouldn't be a real or fake.  I'm sorry someone said it to you. 

[HogwartsAlum]

But if he took his meds he was fine. If he just got some attention, he was fine.


And I saw just what a lovely, creative boy he was. Give him attention, make sure he takes his meds, he's a love. He even designed me a card for my brother's housewarming and it was lovely! [/quote]

Oh the poor, sweet little guy.  I don't blame you for wanting to throttle the mom.  I do too!

[AdakAK]

Its always stunned me when people think that commenting on reproductive choices like how many kids to have is OK.

(and I dont think 4 is really a lot or unusual, is it?)

Yes, I don't understand it.  I would never tell someone to have/not have children, especially not a stranger!

I don't think four is a large family.  I think I get it for two reasons.  One is that I had my boys, then my girl, so clearly our last son was not planned.  Two is that I look a bit younger than I am and I had my kids earlier in life.  I was 22 when I had my first son and will be 33 in Feb.   Add in the fact that I tend towards jeans and a t-shirt with no make-up and a ponytail and clearly I must be too stupid to understand where babies come from...    

It works for us, and that's all that should matter.

Susan

[Suze]

there were a couple of families in town when I was growing up that had 19 and 21 children.

I was a junior in high school when it went around that there wasn't a kid from the one family in every grade.  While they were huge families (at least I think so) no one ever seemed neglected or unloved.

Four doesn't seem like a big family to me - sounds about right.  I grew up an only child (my only sibling is 14 years older than I am and was married when I was about 5)

That and I was a "are you sure?" kind of surprise. so all my cousins were 20 years older than me, no family to play with till they started having kids. (I was the last baby of two last babies, so they are great-grandkids older than I am.)

[Cyndi]

The only time I question someone having a ton of children is if the family is obviously poor and they have more than three children. It's no wonder they can't afford anything, children are expensive!

I never say this though.

I remember reading once that way back in the old days, families were large because disease killed children frequently.

[Gwywnnydd]

I remember reading once that way back in the old days, families were large because disease killed children frequently.

And because effective birth control methods... weren't. The rhythm method is (barring modern medical advances) about 60% effective. That's an awful lot of not-effective .