Potluck Etiquette, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

[deadbody]

When I was a vegan I just accepted that when I went to a work Potluck I would be bringing a dish I could eat as a full meal (like chili or a pasta dish).  And my co-wokers knew about the veganism, just didn't understand that I wouldn't eat stuff with cheese, and didn't think to modify recipes. 

16 out of 20 dishes are edible?  I'd say that person was lucky.  Trying to force everyone to bring something that they are not allegic to is absurd and very Snowflakish

[curly sue]

I was suppose to inform people of her allergy but I told her directly I didn't feel comfort disclosing personal information. 

I think you tripped up there; that's info that people preparing food need to have. I'd be a little annoyed too if such an important fact about me wasn't passed on because someone didn't feel like it.

As for the issue at hand - I agree with the PP's that so long as there's a range of food without the offending item (more than just a token dish or two) then I don't see coworker has anything to complain about. Oh, and depending on the food in question (if it's one that you can't always tell has been added, for example) I think some kind of labeling is a good idea too, so no-one accidentally hurts themselves.

I disagree that she tripped up here. I have a food allergy and I would never ever expect a pot luck to have any items I can eat. I am allergic to corn and corn is in EVERYTHING in some form or another. In my case I know that I can eat whatever I bring. Usually there are a few other items I can eat and that's good enough for me. It is not up to others to work around my food allergy and I would never expect them too. I also wouldn't expect the organizer to inform people that I have a food allergy and that all dishes shouldn't contain the allergen. In my case, some people will say a dish doesn't have corn but fail to mention that it contains corn starch. They just don't think of ingrediants containing corn derivatives as dangerous to me. My health, my responsibility.

If the potluck was with friends or family then I might feel a little differently. But not for a work event.

[pierrotlunaire0]

If I were at a potluck, and ate something from each of 20 dishes, I would be sick from gluttony.  Actually, the gluttony applies to the 16 dishes as well.

[TychaBrahe]

OK, first off, I think your office policy is ridiculous.  In general, that's a good idea.  I don't care to know who is diabetic, who has high blood pressure, or who is on cholesterol drugs.  SOOOOO not my business.

But a deadly allergy?  Really?

Suppose someone had a peanut allergy and I bought in something that doesn't look peanuty, but I made it with peanut oil.  Suppose she's lactose intolerant; I put parmesan cheese in my spaghetti sauce.  (Not just on top of the sauce, but I mix it in while it's cooking.)

If we're sharing food in the workplace, I think I should know that something I'm bringing in could kills someone.

[Harlow]

OK, first off, I think your office policy is ridiculous.  In general, that's a good idea.  I don't care to know who is diabetic, who has high blood pressure, or who is on cholesterol drugs.  SOOOOO not my business.

But a deadly allergy?  Really?

Suppose someone had a peanut allergy and I bought in something that doesn't look peanuty, but I made it with peanut oil.  Suppose she's lactose intolerant; I put parmesan cheese in my spaghetti sauce.  (Not just on top of the sauce, but I mix it in while it's cooking.)

If we're sharing food in the workplace, I think I should know that something I'm bringing in could kills someone.

It's not a deadly allergy my coworker has. It's a minor inconvenience to her, with a very low affect if she eats the offending food.

I do think it's a different rule, but they ran into some legal trouble a few years ago. They ended up paying out the end for a settlement.
We do have a few people with peanut allergies, but as far as I know no one in my department does because I checked. I asked everyone," Who has an allergy." in an email. She had ample time to speak up with everyone about her allergy. She was being rather difficult and was making a lot of passive aggressive re-marks towards me, and the food served.

I think generally my coworker was just being a pain in the bum. I told her I could send out an email saying " Hey, we have someone allergic to this, please specify if you are making a dish with said thing in it." My coworker absolutely threw a fit demanding I use her name. So I told her the ball was in her court. Personally, but I didn't say was I didn't want to get caught up in her dramatic game she was trying to play.

[CrayonOutlines]

FYI: It's possible to have an allergy/intolerance to cheese without an overall allergy to dairy products:
http://www.allergies-team.com/a39-help-i-am-allergic-to-cheese.php

[Vegemite Girl]

I was suppose to inform people of her allergy but I told her directly I didn't feel comfort disclosing personal information. 

I think you tripped up there; that's info that people preparing food need to have. I'd be a little annoyed too if such an important fact about me wasn't passed on because someone didn't feel like it.

As for the issue at hand - I agree with the PP's that so long as there's a range of food without the offending item (more than just a token dish or two) then I don't see coworker has anything to complain about. Oh, and depending on the food in question (if it's one that you can't always tell has been added, for example) I think some kind of labeling is a good idea too, so no-one accidentally hurts themselves.

I disagree that she tripped up here. I have a food allergy and I would never ever expect a pot luck to have any items I can eat. I am allergic to corn and corn is in EVERYTHING in some form or another. In my case I know that I can eat whatever I bring. Usually there are a few other items I can eat and that's good enough for me. It is not up to others to work around my food allergy and I would never expect them too. I also wouldn't expect the organizer to inform people that I have a food allergy and that all dishes shouldn't contain the allergen. In my case, some people will say a dish doesn't have corn but fail to mention that it contains corn starch. They just don't think of ingrediants containing corn derivatives as dangerous to me. My health, my responsibility.

If the potluck was with friends or family then I might feel a little differently. But not for a work event.

I just think it's basic manners that, if someone is aware of an allergy, etc, in a shared food situation, to work around it. I certainly can think if plenty of dishes off the top of my head that do not include corn or corn derivatives such as corn starch, etc. And I'm not some kind of uber-cook, far from it.

[PeterM]

I join the consensus in thinking she was being ridiculous. It's the insisting on using her name that does it for me, more than anything else. It's not enough for everyone to know that they're making an exception for someone with an allergy, they have to know that they're bowing down to the will of She Who Must Be Named. That's just crazy even in a situation that doesn't include your specifically restrictive office rule. I'm trying to understand why it mattered to her, and I've prepared a little skit. For the purposes of this skit, your co-worker shall be named Petunia and she's allergic to love.

Bob: "Say, Earl, you gonna make something for the potluck?"

Earl: "Sure am, man. Making my special bacon-cheeseburger meatballs and I'm adding a double shot of love 'cause this office rocks!"

Bob: "Great Caesar's ghost, man! You can't bring anything made with love! Petunia's allergic!"

Earl: "What? Oh, man. I am disappointed. I suppose I'll just have to bring loveless meatballs and make do."

Bob: "That's the spirit! Now get out there and get some pictures for Lois' story!"

Earl: "On it, chief!"

Bob: "Don't call me chief!"

Earl: "Sorry, chief!"

Well, that's my creative writing exercise for the day. Two notes:

1) Allergic To Love might or might not be a good name for a rock band, but it would be an awesome song title.

2) Somewhere in the middle of the skit Bob and Earl turned into Perry White and Jimmy Olsen, respectively, but I didn't want to ruin the integrity of the skit by going back and changing the names.

[Namárië]

OT: I now have to urge to try to make bacon cheeseburger meatballs.

I think she is being unreasonable; you offered a reasonable solution that you were comfortable with, and she refused it.

[Genna]

I disagree . I don't think I tripped up. I told her directly that she needed to tell people about her It's not my responsibility for people to know she has a food allergy . It's not like I didn't feel like it , I didn't feel comfortable . I  gave her ample time to let people know. It's not like she told and I didn't bother to tell her how I felt. We were sending mass emails back and forth about who was bringing what.  She was give ample timeto speak up and advise people. I sent out an email CCing everyone asking who has an allergy and to let everyone know. She emailed me privately told me about her allergy and let everyone know she was allergic to this food. I emailed her back and advised her I didn't feel comfortable doing it because I didn't know the facts or details regrading it and to please let people know.

POD.  She is responsible for making her food allergies known to others.  If she fails to do that well she will miss out, really no one's problem but her own.  People are not mind readers, if you fail to communicate with them you cannot expect to have your special needs taken into consideration.

[PeterM]

OT: I now have to urge to try to make bacon cheeseburger meatballs.

They are excellent. My wife created them after an idle comment from a cousin about what sort of appetizers should be present at an upcoming appetizers and dessert family dinner. If I recall correctly they were basically seasoned ground beef wrapped around a bit of cheddar cheese, with a strip of bacon wrapped around that, and all of it baked together. They came out tasting great, but they were a bit too big to be easy appetizers for some people. I was thinking maybe the thing to do next time would be crumble up the cheese and bacon and mix it in with the ground beef, then form that into smaller meatballs. We shall see.

[BeagleMommy]

OP, if I went to a potluck and could eat 16 out of the 20 dishes I'd be throwing a party.  Potluck means you never know what's going to show up on the table.  If you wanted to send an email stating "Remember, we have someone who is allergic to XYZ.  Please be sure to let us know if you're bringing a dish containing XYZ." that would be great.  Your coworker insisting her name be used and pouting because not EVERYTHING was without the allergen screams of Snowflakiness.  It would be the same as if I insisted that everyone needed to bring a sugar-free dessert so I can eat all of them.

[Cattitude]

FYI: It's possible to have an allergy/intolerance to cheese without an overall allergy to dairy products:
http://www.allergies-team.com/a39-help-i-am-allergic-to-cheese.php

I read that page.  As it states, it is most likely an intolerance if it is not an allergy to dairy.  In 14 years as a health care professional, dealing with thousands of patients, I have never seen anyone with just a cheese allergy,YMMV.  As the OP stated, the woman didn't even want to tell anyone so I doubt it was an allergy.  Every single person with food allergies that I've ever met/dealt with, takes them seriously and has no issue with revealing them.

[EagleEye]

If you are planning a potluck, and one person has a food alergy . Does all the dishs brought have to be minus the offending food item, or just have ample choices with the offending food object, and ample choices without the offending food?

Unless the allergy is a life-threatening one and involves not just ingesting the food, but can be triggered by mere contact with it, then no.  In those instances, yes.

I agree with KeenReader, except if one had such a severe allergy ("triggered by mere contact", or even inhalation of particles, as I have heard some extreme peanut allergies are),it seems coworkers should already have been advised of this as has been said.  Very dangerous otherwise.

Next, I want to say - it is amazing what the offer of "free food" will do to some people.  

I only have one person in my office area (of about 20 people who partake in departmental potlucks) who has digestive issues with a lot of common foods (note, NOT an extreme and deadly food allergy as I mentioned above, just a bad digestive disorder) and she brings in something she can herself eat.  In the early days she did this without any comment, now that she has been there a while and people know her and have learned over time about her food intolerances, some people will make it a point to tell her "you can eat this"; BUT she has never expected nor demanded that everyone's dish has been altered to suit her.  She takes responsibility for her own food issues (however, if it is her birthday, we all try to comply!)

That is just ridiculous IMO.  An office potluck does not mean "people must bring in anything I will want, and/or can eat".  It means "whatever individuals want to provide".  If the offerings are not suitable for you for whatever reason, bring something you can eat - or grab something outside.  I do that myself, and I don't have ANY allergies or intolerances.

If one has serious allergies or intolerances, one should take responsibility for providing  for themselves in such circumstances.

[Alida]

She could eat half the dishes there, and she still complained? Yeah, I call SS.

So do I.  No potluck can accommodate all dietary needs.  Kosher, vegetarian, allergic, dieting (and let's not get into the sub-categories of diets!) - as long as everyone has something they can eat and, assuming they brought at least one thing they could eat, everything is fine.

I'm going to hug my coworkers on our next potluck day - I haven't heard any SS stories there!