Author Topic: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...  (Read 8582 times)

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SisJackson

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #45 on: March 26, 2010, 12:51:21 PM »
Was reminded of another one - one of my friends was chatting with a coworker (who happens to be Puerto Rican) at her office when her boss came over and said, "Oh, hi there [Puerto Rican Coworker].  I heard your son is going to be deported soon, when is that?"

Friend said she could see the coworker's spine straighten as she prepared to give the man a polite earful about citizenship and such, but the boss went on to say, "I hear sometimes the military doesn't give its guys very much notice sometimes."

He meant deployed.

HeebyJeebyLeebee

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #46 on: March 26, 2010, 04:30:26 PM »
When I waited tables, I would do my best to not cringe when someone ordered "scrimps" with their meal.  That one drives me bonkers.

Any chance you were waiting tables at a chain of family owned restaurants that now has restaurants that specialize in seafood, Cajun seafood (-deaux), steak house, Italian (-mia), Greek (Ya-Ya), and of course, Mexican (-sitos)?  I've waited tables there and we all laughed about those scrimps!!  Unfortunately it was a glaring red sign that said the tip would be minimal or non-existent also.

I know which restaurants you're refering to.  But no, it was a small family owned italian restaurant in Bellaire, TX.  It's not there anymore.

I had a coworker in Chicago who also part-timed at Joe's and she had the same compaint.  "If I hear 'scrimp special' one more time, I'm gonna scream!"  Of course, she never did.  But I felt her pain.
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Clara Bow

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #47 on: March 26, 2010, 04:46:04 PM »
Mortify, mortified: it's most common definition is "to humilate". It can also refer to self-scourging or necrosis of the tissue, but most commonly it means embarrassment. You cannot be mortified with pain. I know Tom Sawyer said it, but that's the reason that the story was funny....the word was being misused.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Mortify

This one is commonly bungled and it drives me insane.
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Punky B.

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #48 on: March 26, 2010, 05:54:26 PM »
The one that drives me insane is "fustrated".  "That sudoku puzzle got me so fustrated!"  *falls over dead*

One I like it "It's not rocket surgery."  Courtesy of Kat on LA Ink.

edited to correctly mispell word.

M-theory

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #49 on: March 26, 2010, 07:00:02 PM »
One I like it "It's not rocket surgery."  Courtesy of Kat on LA Ink.

This originally appeared as a Headline on Leno. I use it all the time.

Ondine

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #50 on: March 26, 2010, 07:21:31 PM »
My aunt once worked with a lady who told her
"It was bleeding like a stuffed pig." My aunt was like "ummm, my kids have stuffed pigs on their beds, and I haven't once seen them bleed."

One I said myself: My mom's dryer had gone kaput - I asked her if it had 'given up the goat." She burst out laughing, and then told me the correct term was 'given up the ghost'.

Paper Roses

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #51 on: March 26, 2010, 08:10:06 PM »
Oh, here's another one I just remembered:

I was in the fourth grade, and for some reason I had to bring some money to school with me for something I was doing after school - can't remember what, or how much money - but my mother told me to have my teacher hold onto the money for me during the day, which I did.

Later, I was telling my mother how my teacher had almost forgotten to give me the money at the end of the day - and so I asked her for it.  She was at the opposite side of the room, so she told me I could get it from her desk myself.

I said, "She said, 'Oh, you can get it.  It's right under my bladder.'"

My mother almost couldn't breathe for laughing so hard.  She finally calmed down enough to ask me some questions and ascertain that what the teacher actually said was that it was under her blotter.
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whatsanenigma

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #52 on: March 27, 2010, 06:10:22 PM »
My mom isn't usually prone to this kind of thing, but this morning she said a good one.

One of the kids left a radio sitting on a window ledge that was just barely wide enough to hold it. For this reason, and because we have several cats and dogs, my mom picked it up to relocate it.

As she did so, she said, "Whoever left this here wasn't the sharpest cookie in the box."

And then she realized she'd mangled it and said "or however you say it".

M-theory

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #53 on: March 27, 2010, 09:29:28 PM »
My mom isn't usually prone to this kind of thing, but this morning she said a good one.

One of the kids left a radio sitting on a window ledge that was just barely wide enough to hold it. For this reason, and because we have several cats and dogs, my mom picked it up to relocate it.

As she did so, she said, "Whoever left this here wasn't the sharpest cookie in the box."

And then she realized she'd mangled it and said "or however you say it".

Props to your mom. I'm going to start using that ironically.

whatsanenigma

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #54 on: March 27, 2010, 09:42:48 PM »
Props to your mom. I'm going to start using that ironically.

Thanks! I think we'll be doing that ourselves.  ;D

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #55 on: March 27, 2010, 09:53:36 PM »
When she was 3, my younger sister spent a good long while setting up a pretend tea-party in the living-room - plastic tea-set, soft toys, chequered cloth, the lot. Finally satisfied with the layout, she toddled over to my parents, and grandly proclaimed: "I invite you all to a gormless dinner!"

MizB

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #56 on: March 28, 2010, 11:44:35 AM »
I used to get amused at customers coming to the pharmacy for their subscriptions. Because there are magazines inside those tiny pills, you see.

I have the flip side of this. I work at a newspaper and everyone needs to renew their prescription!!!
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baglady

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #57 on: March 28, 2010, 05:08:17 PM »
The one that drives me insane is "fustrated".  "That sudoku puzzle got me so fustrated!"  *falls over dead*


When I was a wee one, I thought it *was* "fustrated," because frustration made me fuss!

I can't remember where I read it, but on one of the boards I hang out on, a poster accused another of being a "cognizant dissident." What s/he really meant was that they were experiencing "cognitive dissonance."

I'm in a band that specializes in protest songs. If we ever decide to change our name, I think we should call ourselves the Cognizant Dissidents!

And a friend of mine used to refer to "oppressive-repulsive" behavior. But it wasn't a true malapropism; he was just punning.
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Luci

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #58 on: March 28, 2010, 06:48:42 PM »
Why am I feeling like watching "Married with Children" and "Friends" and "Joey" again?

SisJackson

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Re: And here's to you, Mrs. Malaprop ...
« Reply #59 on: March 29, 2010, 11:48:03 PM »
I just heard an awesome one at the store tonight.  The two ladies in front of me at the store were discussing an upcoming event.

"Are you going to go see Circus Olé when it comes to town?" said one.

"I heard about it on the radio but I haven't made plans yet, why?" said the other.

"It's supposed to be really good," the first responded.

"That's the French circus with no animals, right?" the second asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's Mexican," the first reasoned.  "You know, Circus Olé."


I managed to not burst out laughing.  I would imagine that the Cirque du Soleil folks get that all the time.