I suppose you're not allowed to pull the fire alarm? The firemen will wake him up.
And if he isn't bad enough, I have a guy fast asleep in the back of the library, snoring his lungs out, and he's apparently got his hand in a place you don't put it when in polite society. Is our security guard here? Nope. Is my boss here? Nope. Am I allowed to yell at or touch this guy? Nope. Are other special snowflake patrons complaining? OH yes!
Surely you're not suggesting criminal activity in response to a sleeping patron? I don't know that it's legal anywhere to pull a fire alarm when there's no actual emergency...
And imagine if it triggers the sprinklers!
Sprinklers...in a library...
*shudders in horror*
Well, the place could use a good cleaning...... ;-)
I don't suppose you could accidentally spill a glass of ice water on him...after all, then you didn't touch him...(no, that is NOT a serious suggestion!)
Too bad I can't loan you one of our cats. They started out as barn kittens at my parents' place. Mom brought them into the house and took care of them until we were able to pick them up. Anyway, Dad was napping in his recliner one day, snoring away (and my Dad can SNORE). Xena (as she was later named), proceeded to march her tiny little tabby kitten self up Dad, and bit him right on the end of the nose (not hard enough to break the skin). Dad, of course, sat up with a startled roar, and the kitten puffed up and took off for the bathroom. Mom managed not to laugh at the time, but she and I had a good giggle when she told me the story later