Author Topic: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?  (Read 1781380 times)

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Adelaide

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9840 on: November 28, 2012, 01:36:03 PM »
People keep telling me that my life will "experience a wonderful change" if I decide to have children. Probably not. I don't have a child-shaped hole in my heart. My least-favorite arguments are "kids make your life better" and "we had kids to be happy" and "you learn to be less selfish with children". Kids only make your life better if you want them, and even then they don't make you happy. They make you feel fulfilled, sure, but again that's only if you want them. You have PLENTY of struggle ahead if you have them. And excuse you, but I'm going into a field that's all about helping people, my family donates thousands to charity every year, and I do volunteer work on the side. Not having kids won't make me the epitome of American selfishness/materialism.

ladyknight1

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9841 on: November 28, 2012, 02:05:19 PM »
People keep telling me that my life will "experience a wonderful change" if I decide to have children. Probably not. I don't have a child-shaped hole in my heart. My least-favorite arguments are "kids make your life better" and "we had kids to be happy" and "you learn to be less selfish with children". Kids only make your life better if you want them, and even then they don't make you happy. They make you feel fulfilled, sure, but again that's only if you want them. You have PLENTY of struggle ahead if you have them. And excuse you, but I'm going into a field that's all about helping people, my family donates thousands to charity every year, and I do volunteer work on the side. Not having kids won't make me the epitome of American selfishness/materialism.

My mother often says certain people she knows are childish because they never had children, and never had to put their desires aside for their children. IMHO, it is a very bad decision to have children unless you want them. I know so many unloved and unwanted children in my area that prove your point.

sevenday

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9842 on: November 28, 2012, 03:09:41 PM »
That whole "you're childish because you never had children" thing drives ME up the wall too.  I've put aside plenty of desires and I don't have children.  And now I say to you, being somewhat self-centered is not a mortal sin.  You should be self-centered enough to know yourself and how to carry a shiny steel spine so that others do not trample over you with their OWN childish, self-centered behaviors.

mrs_deb

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9843 on: November 28, 2012, 03:22:35 PM »
I love my MIL.  I do.  She's a wonderful woman.

But she has NO concept of personal space - we're standing in line at a funeral home - she and my FIL insist we stand in front of them - and she stands so close to me she keeps bumping the purse on my shoulder.  Bump, bump.  I step forward - so does she.  Bump, bump.  I step sideways - so does she.  Bump, bump, bump.

She also doesn't say my name or gently touch my arm when she wants to get my attention - she pokes me repeatedly in the back of the shoulder.  Poke poke.  Poke poke poke.

AAAAAGH

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9844 on: November 28, 2012, 03:36:33 PM »
I hate some of the arguments out there for having kids and I do have them.  But not every woman feels a deep need to be a mother.

- "Who will take care of you when you get old if you don't have kids?" Wow what an assumption, when so many things could happen making you still out of luck even if you have kids.

-"It's so selfish to not have kids!"  ::) No it's not in the least, for pete's sake. 

And oh that would bug me too, Mrs. Deb!
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

RingTailedLemur

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9845 on: November 28, 2012, 03:42:03 PM »
Besides, being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing.  If choosing to live my life the way I want to in terms of choosing my life partner, jobs, whether or not to reproduce is selfish then fine I'm selfish.  I'm not letting someone else choose for me.

It irritates me beyond reason when people insist I'll change my mind (even though I've been very sure about being childfree since my teens).  I'm married and have a mortgage, but I'm not able to make a decision about kids?!


-"It's so selfish to not have kids!"  ::) No it's not in the least, for pete's sake. 

I wonder if these people imagine some kind of spiritual world, where a white-robed figure says to a tiny spirit, "You don't get to be born because Ring Tailed Lemur is so selfish!"?
« Last Edit: November 28, 2012, 03:43:34 PM by RingTailedLemur »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9846 on: November 28, 2012, 03:59:03 PM »
I mentioned once to an acquaintance when we were talking about kids and I mentioned that a friend of mine was childfree and did not want to have kids. The woman said "Oh she'll change her mind." I couldn't help but smile as I told her it was too late for her to change her mind.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

RingTailedLemur

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9847 on: November 28, 2012, 04:17:29 PM »
I'm surprised how many people ask if I've talked to my husband about not wanting kids.  It seems bizarre to me that anyone would not have that conversation.

snowflake

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9848 on: November 28, 2012, 05:02:08 PM »
People keep telling me that my life will "experience a wonderful change" if I decide to have children. Probably not. I don't have a child-shaped hole in my heart. My least-favorite arguments are "kids make your life better" and "we had kids to be happy" and "you learn to be less selfish with children". Kids only make your life better if you want them, and even then they don't make you happy. They make you feel fulfilled, sure, but again that's only if you want them. You have PLENTY of struggle ahead if you have them. And excuse you, but I'm going into a field that's all about helping people, my family donates thousands to charity every year, and I do volunteer work on the side. Not having kids won't make me the epitome of American selfishness/materialism.

As someone who has spent much time in social services (in one form or another)  I must say kids are NOT the magic they are made out to be.

The other day I actually had a conversation with a woman about how she still was angry at (her now adult) daughter because she "faked" toilet training at 14 months and then "regressed."  She thought the kid was just messing with her to be mean.  When I hear that level of self-absorbedness, I'm pretty sure kids don't cure selfishness. 


Diane AKA Traska

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9849 on: November 28, 2012, 05:09:09 PM »
I'm surprised how many people ask if I've talked to my husband about not wanting kids.  It seems bizarre to me that anyone would not have that conversation.

It seems to me that if you're possessing a *husband*, that you should have already had that discussion... I would consider it vital in the "let's get married" discussions.
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RingTailedLemur

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9850 on: November 28, 2012, 05:14:27 PM »
I'm surprised how many people ask if I've talked to my husband about not wanting kids.  It seems bizarre to me that anyone would not have that conversation.

It seems to me that if you're possessing a *husband*, that you should have already had that discussion... I would consider it vital in the "let's get married" discussions.

Yes, exactly.  I just don't get it.

Thipu1

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9851 on: November 28, 2012, 06:00:34 PM »
Some years ago I was seated next to a woman at a cocktail party on a cruise ship.  It was one of those, 'please move in and fill all seats' events.  I couldn't move unless I wanted to leave the room entirely.

This lady asked about our children.

We don't have any. 

We got the whole rigmarole about how selfish we were not to have children and how impoverished our lives must be without progeny.  It was awful.

On a later cruise we mentioned this at our dinner table.  A fellow diner asked what the Lady was drinking.  Mr. Thipu chimed in and said, 'Whatever it was, it wasn't the milk of human kindness'. 

I rather liked that.   :)



Giggity

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9852 on: November 28, 2012, 06:53:19 PM »
An ingrown hair. In the worst of all possible locations. OUCH.
Words mean things.

Giggity

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9853 on: November 28, 2012, 06:55:44 PM »
My hate it 'salt to taste'. I usually cut the salt in half anyway, but I need a place to start! I finally decided to try 1 tsp. per quart of product and go from there. Sigh.

That makes me N-V-T-S nuts. How on earth do I know how much salt is to my taste until after the dish is cooked?
Words mean things.

BabyMama

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #9854 on: November 28, 2012, 08:33:04 PM »
I was reading a (professional) blog by a journalist today and he wrote "per say." No. Nononononoooo.
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