News: IMPORTANT UPDATE REGARDING SITE IN FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT FOLDER.

  • May 24, 2018, 12:53:09 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?  (Read 5499649 times)

0 Members and 3 Guests are viewing this topic.

kherbert05

  • Member
  • Posts: 7946
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10950 on: February 26, 2013, 05:44:16 PM »
Helicopter parents are driving me up the wall. When does it end?

I know someone whose son is graduating with his Bachelor's degree in two months, and she feels it is her job to remind him to start a paper, or schedule a meeting with his advisor, or order his cap and gown for commencement. I don't know if her son needs her to keep this kind of management of him and his schooling, but it seems odd to me.

DS is starting his sophomore year in high school in the fall, and other than asking my opinion on a few electives, I have let him handle that on his own. I try to encourage independence on his part, because I won't always be living with him or able to give him advice.
Sis is having a similar problem with copter parents. Brett wants to have and go to sleep overs. Loren was going when she was about his age now - to with friends' kids. But those friends don't have boys Brett's age. Last weekend a friend came over to play - it was the 1st time the boy had been on a playdate where mom didn't stay the whole time. A sleep over was not even in the ballpark. The fact they "have" to organize play dates is also frustrating. There is only one other family in the neighborhood that lets their kids go back and forth on their own - but there is a MAJOR road between them with major speeders that don't recongize the crosswalk. So someone has to take them across that road - then they go the rest of the way themselves.

Loren had a slumber party last year. One group of parents blocked Sis and BIL's cars in the drive and went out to eat with a couple other parents. Sis was spitting nails
1. BIL needed to take Brett to his cousins' for his sleep over
2. When he got back Sis was going to go pick up the movie the girls ordered from Red Box.
3. There was a child (not part of that group of parents) who has peanut allergy. One of the rules we were raised with is you NEVER leave people blocked in because what if they had to rush Kimberly to the ER. Knowing that she couldn't get out made sis nearly have a panic attack. Older niece took Brett to his sleep over - I stayed until the parents came back from eating out.

They were well ticked off. They expected their girls to be ready to pack it in and go home because sleeping over was so scary. The girls were fine - happy as Larks. These girls were from Loren's new school. Her friends where the Moms and Dads went to HS with Sis and BIL - had made it clear that they were perfectly fine sleeping over and did it regularly. I think they without meaning to shamed the other girls or maybe gave them the courage to see it wasn't a big deal. I left after the parents left leaving the girls. Sis said they called every hour on the hour till about 1 am when she told them to knock it off the girls were asleep and she and BIL were trying to sleep.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10951 on: February 26, 2013, 06:52:52 PM »
Not so much annoyed, but I can't help but snort when I see people on fbook post ecards or other memes making fun of a certain type of poster when they do that very thing themselves. 

Sometimes I think maybe they're making fun of themselves, like one friend who will share several pictures of her toddler and then the next day share something about people who share way too many pictures of their kids.   I know in her case it's purely tongue in cheek cause she's said "Yeah, I'm going to be one of those moms right now..."

Others will vaguebook or overshare about their relationships, then they'll share things that make fun of vaguebookers.  With friends who have a self-depricating sense of humor I'm sure they're poking fun at themselves but others who I know to not be terribly self-aware it's just kind of funny. 

Ie Monday:  "Ugh"
Tuesday: FML
Wednesday: Why me?
Thursday: Why are the fates aligning against me?
Friday: Hey look at this meme poking fun at pouty vaguebookers! Aren't they annoying?

Me:  ??? ???
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 12217
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10952 on: February 26, 2013, 06:54:17 PM »
Being involved in Scouting, there is always at least one boy whose mother won't let them go camp with the group without the mother being there. We actually have two, both 12 nearly 13, boys who have never spent a night away from their mothers.

Having grown up as the oldest of three girls, DH has a lot more input for boundaries for DS, since he was once a teenage boy.  ;) I have always been of the mindset that it is the parent's job to prepare their children to be capable adults.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10953 on: February 26, 2013, 07:08:57 PM »
At the risk of sounding like an armchair shrink I am going to guess that some helicopter parents are afraid of not being needed anymore.   They are either afraid that the growing child will go away from them (which eventually they should) or they fear that their children will become more competent than they are.  For others it could be about control as well.

I suspect you're right about that, as many of the helicopter parents I've known do seem to be quite codependent, or needy at least.  One woman I knew wasn't so much a helicopter parent in that she wasn't always hovering over her kid but she didn't want to teach him to do anything that would mean independence for him as an adult like doing laundry, cooking or cleaning up after himself because "He can always live with me!"

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

  • Member
  • Posts: 17103
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10954 on: February 26, 2013, 07:39:25 PM »
At the risk of sounding like an armchair shrink I am going to guess that some helicopter parents are afraid of not being needed anymore.   They are either afraid that the growing child will go away from them (which eventually they should) or they fear that their children will become more competent than they are.  For others it could be about control as well.

I suspect you're right about that, as many of the helicopter parents I've known do seem to be quite codependent, or needy at least.  One woman I knew wasn't so much a helicopter parent in that she wasn't always hovering over her kid but she didn't want to teach him to do anything that would mean independence for him as an adult like doing laundry, cooking or cleaning up after himself because "He can always live with me!"

My response to that would be "Be careful what you wish for."





Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10955 on: February 26, 2013, 07:54:47 PM »
I thought that, when she told me but I wasn't going to say it. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

  • Member
  • Posts: 17103
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10956 on: February 26, 2013, 08:22:57 PM »
 ::)  Do these people have any idea how they are crippling their children later in life?  How do they think their children will get on after they're too old to do everything or gone altogether?  Or are they narcissists who think the world will end when they die?





diesel_darlin

  • Member
  • Posts: 1313
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10957 on: February 26, 2013, 09:22:43 PM »
Not so much annoyed, but I can't help but snort when I see people on fbook post ecards or other memes making fun of a certain type of poster when they do that very thing themselves. 

Sometimes I think maybe they're making fun of themselves, like one friend who will share several pictures of her toddler and then the next day share something about people who share way too many pictures of their kids.   I know in her case it's purely tongue in cheek cause she's said "Yeah, I'm going to be one of those moms right now..."

Others will vaguebook or overshare about their relationships, then they'll share things that make fun of vaguebookers.  With friends who have a self-depricating sense of humor I'm sure they're poking fun at themselves but others who I know to not be terribly self-aware it's just kind of funny. 

Ie Monday:  "Ugh"
Tuesday: FML
Wednesday: Why me?
Thursday: Why are the fates aligning against me?
Friday: Hey look at this meme poking fun at pouty vaguebookers! Aren't they annoying?

Me:  ??? ???


So, you have my sister as a Facebook friend, then?  ;D ;D ;D

Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10958 on: February 27, 2013, 07:33:05 AM »
LOL! Possibly! :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

siamesecat2965

  • Member
  • Posts: 9319
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10959 on: February 27, 2013, 08:54:19 AM »
::)  Do these people have any idea how they are crippling their children later in life?  How do they think their children will get on after they're too old to do everything or gone altogether?  Or are they narcissists who think the world will end when they die?

No. I have two here at work. Both have daughers who are freshman in college. One, away at school, about an hour and a half from here, the other was away, but locally, maybe 40 minutes away.

HP #1 is a control freak. Plain and simple, When said child was still in HS, and I'm talking jr. and sr. years, she still had to call when she was leaving schoool, call when she got home or whatever destination seh was going to, call when she was leaving for the next one, and when she arrived back home. She would also call said child during days off from school, and berate her for sleeping in, watching tv, and so on. Child is flaky and scatterbrained, so there have been many long, drawn out, phone calls about losing and forgetting things, and so on.

The lastest issue was child has money she's earned in the summers etc. But since she has no clue how to budget or anthing like that, mom puts money in her account on a regular basis. but she will spend money earmarked for books on b-day presents for friends, eating out, etc. I said why not just give it all to her, if she spends it all, let HER figure it out. But she can't give up that control.

Second HP is a doormat. child walks all over her and is quite maniupalive. Mom will not stand up to her. Child was sick, and in the hospital, missing first three weeks of the semester. Due to poor grades 1st semester, she is on academic probation, so can't do a medical leave. So she simply withdrew. She made no effort whatsoever to attempt to catch up. I get she was sick, and missed a lot, but its the beginning of the semester, so it would seem to me putting in a little effort, and at least finding out waht you missed would have been a good start.

Its really a good thing I don't have kids. I'd be the mean mom my kids hated. My parents, while there for advice, etc. were of the philosopy "suck it up and figure it out" so when I spent almost all my money first sememster freshman year on LD charges calling my then BF, I figured it out. And got a PT job with the school food service catering.

And finally, and I almost forgot about him, Useless, my former CW. Who spent hours a day on the phone, doing this and that for his kid,s and then CALLINg them to tell them, in minute detail, who to call, what to say, etc etc etc.

But I agree. Parents like this are not doing their kids any favors. Sure, I made mistakes, but I'm a firm believer in you LEARN from your mistakes.


Thipu1

  • Member
  • Posts: 7439
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10960 on: February 27, 2013, 09:31:04 AM »
I think HPs are the  way they are because everything relating to children is so competitive these days.  Parents in our neighborhood are paranoid about their children getting into the 'proper' Pre-School.  Everything must be managed to give the child the best possible chance. It's insane! 






Piratelvr1121

  • Member
  • Posts: 9123
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10961 on: February 27, 2013, 09:35:33 AM »
I think some part of it might be control issues or narcisissm but I also think it may be societal pressure as well.  Parents who just want to do well by their kids and there is a lot of pressure in the way of "If you don't do all you can to get your child into an Ivy League school (whether child wants that or not), you have failed as a parent!" So they get sucked into that mindset and despite wanting to do the best they end up stressing their child out even more.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

JenJay

  • Member
  • Posts: 7020
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10962 on: February 27, 2013, 09:48:19 AM »
That could be dangerous for him. He'd see all these poor dogs and would to bring them all home!  On the other hand it might give him a bit of a clue of how much maintenance it could be.

This is my DH, too. He'd want to adopt his three or four favorites. Maybe five.

My kitty is about 11 and DH's is 5. I don't think they'd be very happy if we brought a dog home. Also we're currently trying to move every couple of years for DH's job (transfers for promotions) and it's hard enough finding rentals that will accept cats. Most places say cats OR dogs, not both. I think these are valid reasons to wait until our kitties have passed and we're settled somewhere and then get a dog. DH and the kids act like I'm a big meanie. DD asked why I get the final say and I told her "Because regardless of how much you all promise that you'll walk, train, feed, bathe and scoop up after a dog, we all know that mom will end up doing it 75% of the time. If I'm going to get to do all the work then I get to do all the deciding!" Nobody could argue with that.

The fact that we've had this discussion a dozen times over the past 18 months drives me up the wall!

magicdomino

  • Member
  • Posts: 5806
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10963 on: February 27, 2013, 10:36:27 AM »
At the risk of sounding like an armchair shrink I am going to guess that some helicopter parents are afraid of not being needed anymore.   They are either afraid that the growing child will go away from them (which eventually they should) or they fear that their children will become more competent than they are.  For others it could be about control as well.

I suspect you're right about that, as many of the helicopter parents I've known do seem to be quite codependent, or needy at least.  One woman I knew wasn't so much a helicopter parent in that she wasn't always hovering over her kid but she didn't want to teach him to do anything that would mean independence for him as an adult like doing laundry, cooking or cleaning up after himself because "He can always live with me!"

My response to that would be "Be careful what you wish for."

My oldest niece didn't want her oldest daughter going away to college, "I'm not ready for her to leave yet."  She did indeed get her wish.  More than fifteen years later, Oldest Great-Niece is still living with her mom, and has rarely had a job, much less a career.  Meanwhile the less pretty, not quite as smart* younger daughter moved out on her own long ago, has always worked (sometimes two jobs at once if she needs extra money), and has been in a stable relationship for about 10 years.  I've often thought that the best thing Younger Great-Niece did was to move halfway across the country.

Edited to clarify this statement, since it sounds like I'm insulting Younger Great-Niece.  Everyone always talked about how beautiful Older Great-Niece was, and how she was doing so well in school.  Younger Great-Niece was pretty too, and a lot smarter than she got credit for.  But she had a serious weight problem, and wasn't much of a student.  (I suspect one of the learning disabilities that run in the family, but no one asked me.   :-\ )  As a result, the older sister was clearly the favorite.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2013, 02:41:24 PM by magicdomino »

2littlemonkeys

  • Member
  • Posts: 2888
Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #10964 on: February 27, 2013, 11:05:46 AM »
My mother-in-law pronounces "antipasto" as "antipasta" and "margarine" as "mar-jeen".  If I liked her, I'd probably think it was cute.  I ... do not.  :)

I do like my MIL and the way she pronounces things still drive me bonkers.  Some of it is regional accent and some is just...I have no idea.

Valentime's Day
Libarry
dubya dubya dubya (I'll give a cookie to whomever can figure that out!  It took me a while.)


Everything with a "th" at the end gets a hard "t".  Booth = boot.  Teeth = teet.  This is doubly annoying because my kids are now pronouncing and spelling things this way.  Then I have run the risk of her thinking I'm a jerk when I make sure they know the correct pronunciation/spelling so they don't get marked down in school.

Don't even get me started on double negatives.  Another awesome opportunity for me to look like the grammar police.   ::)