Author Topic: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?  (Read 1619541 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11025 on: February 27, 2013, 09:54:19 AM »
::)  Do these people have any idea how they are crippling their children later in life?  How do they think their children will get on after they're too old to do everything or gone altogether?  Or are they narcissists who think the world will end when they die?

No. I have two here at work. Both have daughers who are freshman in college. One, away at school, about an hour and a half from here, the other was away, but locally, maybe 40 minutes away.

HP #1 is a control freak. Plain and simple, When said child was still in HS, and I'm talking jr. and sr. years, she still had to call when she was leaving schoool, call when she got home or whatever destination seh was going to, call when she was leaving for the next one, and when she arrived back home. She would also call said child during days off from school, and berate her for sleeping in, watching tv, and so on. Child is flaky and scatterbrained, so there have been many long, drawn out, phone calls about losing and forgetting things, and so on.

The lastest issue was child has money she's earned in the summers etc. But since she has no clue how to budget or anthing like that, mom puts money in her account on a regular basis. but she will spend money earmarked for books on b-day presents for friends, eating out, etc. I said why not just give it all to her, if she spends it all, let HER figure it out. But she can't give up that control.

Second HP is a doormat. child walks all over her and is quite maniupalive. Mom will not stand up to her. Child was sick, and in the hospital, missing first three weeks of the semester. Due to poor grades 1st semester, she is on academic probation, so can't do a medical leave. So she simply withdrew. She made no effort whatsoever to attempt to catch up. I get she was sick, and missed a lot, but its the beginning of the semester, so it would seem to me putting in a little effort, and at least finding out waht you missed would have been a good start.

Its really a good thing I don't have kids. I'd be the mean mom my kids hated. My parents, while there for advice, etc. were of the philosopy "suck it up and figure it out" so when I spent almost all my money first sememster freshman year on LD charges calling my then BF, I figured it out. And got a PT job with the school food service catering.

And finally, and I almost forgot about him, Useless, my former CW. Who spent hours a day on the phone, doing this and that for his kid,s and then CALLINg them to tell them, in minute detail, who to call, what to say, etc etc etc.

But I agree. Parents like this are not doing their kids any favors. Sure, I made mistakes, but I'm a firm believer in you LEARN from your mistakes.


Thipu1

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11026 on: February 27, 2013, 10:31:04 AM »
I think HPs are the  way they are because everything relating to children is so competitive these days.  Parents in our neighborhood are paranoid about their children getting into the 'proper' Pre-School.  Everything must be managed to give the child the best possible chance. It's insane! 






Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11027 on: February 27, 2013, 10:35:33 AM »
I think some part of it might be control issues or narcisissm but I also think it may be societal pressure as well.  Parents who just want to do well by their kids and there is a lot of pressure in the way of "If you don't do all you can to get your child into an Ivy League school (whether child wants that or not), you have failed as a parent!" So they get sucked into that mindset and despite wanting to do the best they end up stressing their child out even more.
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JenJay

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11028 on: February 27, 2013, 10:48:19 AM »
That could be dangerous for him. He'd see all these poor dogs and would to bring them all home!  On the other hand it might give him a bit of a clue of how much maintenance it could be.

This is my DH, too. He'd want to adopt his three or four favorites. Maybe five.

My kitty is about 11 and DH's is 5. I don't think they'd be very happy if we brought a dog home. Also we're currently trying to move every couple of years for DH's job (transfers for promotions) and it's hard enough finding rentals that will accept cats. Most places say cats OR dogs, not both. I think these are valid reasons to wait until our kitties have passed and we're settled somewhere and then get a dog. DH and the kids act like I'm a big meanie. DD asked why I get the final say and I told her "Because regardless of how much you all promise that you'll walk, train, feed, bathe and scoop up after a dog, we all know that mom will end up doing it 75% of the time. If I'm going to get to do all the work then I get to do all the deciding!" Nobody could argue with that.

The fact that we've had this discussion a dozen times over the past 18 months drives me up the wall!

magicdomino

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11029 on: February 27, 2013, 11:36:27 AM »
At the risk of sounding like an armchair shrink I am going to guess that some helicopter parents are afraid of not being needed anymore.   They are either afraid that the growing child will go away from them (which eventually they should) or they fear that their children will become more competent than they are.  For others it could be about control as well.

I suspect you're right about that, as many of the helicopter parents I've known do seem to be quite codependent, or needy at least.  One woman I knew wasn't so much a helicopter parent in that she wasn't always hovering over her kid but she didn't want to teach him to do anything that would mean independence for him as an adult like doing laundry, cooking or cleaning up after himself because "He can always live with me!"

My response to that would be "Be careful what you wish for."

My oldest niece didn't want her oldest daughter going away to college, "I'm not ready for her to leave yet."  She did indeed get her wish.  More than fifteen years later, Oldest Great-Niece is still living with her mom, and has rarely had a job, much less a career.  Meanwhile the less pretty, not quite as smart* younger daughter moved out on her own long ago, has always worked (sometimes two jobs at once if she needs extra money), and has been in a stable relationship for about 10 years.  I've often thought that the best thing Younger Great-Niece did was to move halfway across the country.

Edited to clarify this statement, since it sounds like I'm insulting Younger Great-Niece.  Everyone always talked about how beautiful Older Great-Niece was, and how she was doing so well in school.  Younger Great-Niece was pretty too, and a lot smarter than she got credit for.  But she had a serious weight problem, and wasn't much of a student.  (I suspect one of the learning disabilities that run in the family, but no one asked me.   :-\ )  As a result, the older sister was clearly the favorite.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2013, 03:41:24 PM by magicdomino »

2littlemonkeys

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11030 on: February 27, 2013, 12:05:46 PM »
My mother-in-law pronounces "antipasto" as "antipasta" and "margarine" as "mar-jeen".  If I liked her, I'd probably think it was cute.  I ... do not.  :)

I do like my MIL and the way she pronounces things still drive me bonkers.  Some of it is regional accent and some is just...I have no idea.

Valentime's Day
Libarry
dubya dubya dubya (I'll give a cookie to whomever can figure that out!  It took me a while.)


Everything with a "th" at the end gets a hard "t".  Booth = boot.  Teeth = teet.  This is doubly annoying because my kids are now pronouncing and spelling things this way.  Then I have run the risk of her thinking I'm a jerk when I make sure they know the correct pronunciation/spelling so they don't get marked down in school.

Don't even get me started on double negatives.  Another awesome opportunity for me to look like the grammar police.   ::)

laud_shy_girl

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11031 on: February 27, 2013, 12:27:01 PM »
My mother-in-law pronounces "antipasto" as "antipasta" and "margarine" as "mar-jeen".  If I liked her, I'd probably think it was cute.  I ... do not.  :)

I do like my MIL and the way she pronounces things still drive me bonkers.  Some of it is regional accent and some is just...I have no idea.

Valentime's Day
Libarry
dubya dubya dubya (I'll give a cookie to whomever can figure that out!  It took me a while.)


Everything with a "th" at the end gets a hard "t".  Booth = boot.  Teeth = teet.  This is doubly annoying because my kids are now pronouncing and spelling things this way.  Then I have run the risk of her thinking I'm a jerk when I make sure they know the correct pronunciation/spelling so they don't get marked down in school.

Don't even get me started on double negatives.  Another awesome opportunity for me to look like the grammar police.   ::)


WWW?
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Betelnut

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11032 on: February 27, 2013, 12:36:57 PM »
This is a very little thing but...mishapen toilet rolls.  When I pull on the toilet roll to get some paper, since the cardboard toilet paper thingy is not perfectly round, I get: Thump! Thump! Thump!  Very annoying.  Trying to reshape it doesn't really help.

What a strange thing to be bugged by but there you are...
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siamesecat2965

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11033 on: February 27, 2013, 12:40:56 PM »
I think HPs are the  way they are because everything relating to children is so competitive these days.  Parents in our neighborhood are paranoid about their children getting into the 'proper' Pre-School.  Everything must be managed to give the child the best possible chance. It's insane!

Hehe - have you seen the documentary "Nursery University"? About NYC parents who went to great lengths to get their child into the "right" preschool. And their reactions when some did not gt into or ever rate an application to them! Wow.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11034 on: February 27, 2013, 12:43:47 PM »
I think HPs are the  way they are because everything relating to children is so competitive these days.  Parents in our neighborhood are paranoid about their children getting into the 'proper' Pre-School.  Everything must be managed to give the child the best possible chance. It's insane!

I would agree.  Helicopter Moms and Dads are applying the competitiveness they learned in the workforce and applying it to the Mom role.  The Mommy Olympics is really cutthroat!  I get hit with the shrapnel sometimes and I don't even have children.

Venus193

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11035 on: February 27, 2013, 01:16:44 PM »
Quote
HP #1 is a control freak. Plain and simple, When said child was still in HS, and I'm talking jr. and sr. years, she still had to call when she was leaving schoool, call when she got home or whatever destination seh was going to, call when she was leaving for the next one, and when she arrived back home. She would also call said child during days off from school, and berate her for sleeping in, watching tv, and so on. Child is flaky and scatterbrained, so there have been many long, drawn out, phone calls about losing and forgetting things, and so on.

The lastest issue was child has money she's earned in the summers etc. But since she has no clue how to budget or anthing like that, mom puts money in her account on a regular basis. but she will spend money earmarked for books on b-day presents for friends, eating out, etc. I said why not just give it all to her, if she spends it all, let HER figure it out. But she can't give up that control.

I wonder whether this mother was trying to get the daughter to believe she was incompetent and helpless without her, because that's what she got.  She must have created massive insecurity in her by creating the inability to make sensible decisions and experience the consequences of her actions.

2littlemonkeys

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11036 on: February 27, 2013, 02:28:11 PM »
My mother-in-law pronounces "antipasto" as "antipasta" and "margarine" as "mar-jeen".  If I liked her, I'd probably think it was cute.  I ... do not.  :)

I do like my MIL and the way she pronounces things still drive me bonkers.  Some of it is regional accent and some is just...I have no idea.

Valentime's Day
Libarry
dubya dubya dubya (I'll give a cookie to whomever can figure that out!  It took me a while.)


Everything with a "th" at the end gets a hard "t".  Booth = boot.  Teeth = teet.  This is doubly annoying because my kids are now pronouncing and spelling things this way.  Then I have run the risk of her thinking I'm a jerk when I make sure they know the correct pronunciation/spelling so they don't get marked down in school.

Don't even get me started on double negatives.  Another awesome opportunity for me to look like the grammar police.   ::)


WWW?

Yep.  That's what she calls websites.  "What's the dubya dubya dubya for Target?"  I had no idea what she was talking about the first time she asked.

Venus193

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11037 on: February 27, 2013, 03:09:55 PM »
She must be related to my friend Blanche, who would ask me "What's the earl for that?" 

Me:  The what?
Her:  The earl.
Me:  Excuse me?
Her:  The website name or whatever.
Me:  That's U-R-L.  Nobody says "earl."
Her:  Well, that's what I call it.

 ::)

violinp

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11038 on: February 27, 2013, 03:12:19 PM »
She must be related to my friend Blanche, who would ask me "What's the earl for that?" 

Me:  The what?
Her:  The earl.
Me:  Excuse me?
Her:  The website name or whatever.
Me:  That's U-R-L.  Nobody says "earl."
Her:  Well, that's what I call it.

 ::)

...I called it that for years, because it was faster, and most people knew what I meant. Granted, I'd also been told as a child that that was the proper pronounciation. Now I just say "website."
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snowflake

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11039 on: February 27, 2013, 03:16:02 PM »
I think HPs are the  way they are because everything relating to children is so competitive these days.  Parents in our neighborhood are paranoid about their children getting into the 'proper' Pre-School.  Everything must be managed to give the child the best possible chance. It's insane!

I would agree.  Helicopter Moms and Dads are applying the competitiveness they learned in the workforce and applying it to the Mom role.  The Mommy Olympics is really cutthroat!  I get hit with the shrapnel sometimes and I don't even have children.

I don't think you need to be in the Mommy Olympics to be a helicopter parent.  Where I grew up, there were several parents who who expected their kids to be hairstylists or construction workers.  (Not that those aren't good jobs, but not the stuff of people who get competitive about preschools.)  But that didn't stop them from hovering, hovering, micromanaging, and keeping them immature.

Sometimes if someone feels that they have never been able to control life, they feel like they have to control their kids.

About five years ago I had a discussion with someone who grew up in such a home and plans to do the same for her children.  I very nearly started throwing things because it drives me up the wall.  I do not talk to anyone about this now because I want to stay sane.