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Author Topic: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?  (Read 5500130 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11685 on: May 01, 2013, 08:24:25 AM »
At the risk of sounding like an armchair shrink I am going to guess that some helicopter parents are afraid of not being needed anymore.   They are either afraid that the growing child will go away from them (which eventually they should) or they fear that their children will become more competent than they are.  For others it could be about control as well.

Speaking as a parent w/a  kid in college right now, I will say this:

We have also been bombarded with the message that it is up to US to be sure our child succeeds. That WE are to blame for anything that ever goes wrong in our kid's life. That we are SUPPOSED to "be involved."

The idea that we're supposed to go "eh, your problem" is absolutely not somethign that has been part of the messages sent to parents--by magazine & newspaper articles, by other parents, by grandparents, and yes, by people on the Internet (EtiquetteHell, I'm looking at you).

It is now, but it sure wasn't until the last couple of years!

I just read these two articles. VERY interesting.  My parent's basic philosophy was "suck it up and figure it out"

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1027485-1,00.html

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1940697-1,00.html

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11686 on: May 01, 2013, 08:48:40 AM »
Where I used to live, the air was rife, rife I tell you, with helicopter parents.   I'll never forget how Pirateboy1's 2nd grade teacher told me that if he was having trouble with his book report, I could do it for him because all the other parents had.   ???  Not to mention the booklet of questions had to do with things they hadn't even learned, like conflict resolution, rising and falling action. 

I remember when I was attending this school, somehow it was well known that a set of twins in my grade always had their mother doing their homework for them.  I tried not to laugh when my mother criticized her for that when she'd stood by and helped my father do my project for my 2nd grade book report, while not letting me touch the thing.

I will help my children but I refuse to do the work for them.  As it is I'm having to push my middle child to even give packing his bag for the beach a try.  He whines "I dont' know how to do it!" 

I made him a list and said I'd check it over but I have enough to do without doing something he's old enough to do himself. (10 1/2)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Calistoga

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11687 on: May 01, 2013, 09:21:18 AM »
Not sure if this is an extension of helicopter parenting, but it drives me up a wall when people encourage their children to blame inaniment objects for their own mishaps. The other day my niece was sitting in a chair and tipping it backwards. She, predictably, fell on her butt. Instead of "Why in the world were you sitting like that?" her grandmother said the "Mean old chair had tipped her out." The chair is the victim here!

magicdomino

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11688 on: May 01, 2013, 09:35:53 AM »
Not sure if this is an extension of helicopter parenting, but it drives me up a wall when people encourage their children to blame inaniment objects for their own mishaps. The other day my niece was sitting in a chair and tipping it backwards. She, predictably, fell on her butt. Instead of "Why in the world were you sitting like that?" her grandmother said the "Mean old chair had tipped her out." The chair is the victim here!

It's often meant as a joke.  Doors, corners, and chairs are always getting blamed, when all they were doing was sitting there, minding their own business.  Haven't you ever had a tree or post jump out in front of you?   Why, I've even confirmed it for friends:  "Yup, that trash can delibrately tripped you, all right.  I saw it move."  ;)

TootsNYC

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11689 on: May 01, 2013, 09:38:43 AM »
Not sure if this is an extension of helicopter parenting, but it drives me up a wall when people encourage their children to blame inaniment objects for their own mishaps. The other day my niece was sitting in a chair and tipping it backwards. She, predictably, fell on her butt. Instead of "Why in the world were you sitting like that?" her grandmother said the "Mean old chair had tipped her out." The chair is the victim here!

See, I don't even think the bolded is appropriate. I'd say, "Are you all right?"

The fall should be consequence enough. I think when you admonish children unnecessarily, you actually send the message to them that you're "in charge of" them, and if that's the case, then THEY aren't "in charge of" themselves.

As for the "mean old chair"--isn't it clear that it's a joke? A way of saying, "sorry you got hurt"?

Calistoga

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11690 on: May 01, 2013, 09:55:56 AM »
Not sure if this is an extension of helicopter parenting, but it drives me up a wall when people encourage their children to blame inaniment objects for their own mishaps. The other day my niece was sitting in a chair and tipping it backwards. She, predictably, fell on her butt. Instead of "Why in the world were you sitting like that?" her grandmother said the "Mean old chair had tipped her out." The chair is the victim here!

See, I don't even think the bolded is appropriate. I'd say, "Are you all right?"

The fall should be consequence enough. I think when you admonish children unnecessarily, you actually send the message to them that you're "in charge of" them, and if that's the case, then THEY aren't "in charge of" themselves.

As for the "mean old chair"--isn't it clear that it's a joke? A way of saying, "sorry you got hurt"?

I just have too much experience with people doing it as more than a brief joke. It's really like they're blaming the object, to the extent that the kid doesn't even recognize that they were responsible for whatever happened.

Thipu1

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11691 on: May 01, 2013, 10:18:11 AM »
Not sure if this is an extension of helicopter parenting, but it drives me up a wall when people encourage their children to blame inaniment objects for their own mishaps. The other day my niece was sitting in a chair and tipping it backwards. She, predictably, fell on her butt. Instead of "Why in the world were you sitting like that?" her grandmother said the "Mean old chair had tipped her out." The chair is the victim here!

It's often meant as a joke.  Doors, corners, and chairs are always getting blamed, when all they were doing was sitting there, minding their own business.  Haven't you ever had a tree or post jump out in front of you?   Why, I've even confirmed it for friends:  "Yup, that trash can delibrately tripped you,
 all right.  I saw it move."  ;)

I think we've all encountered 'attack furniture' from time to time.  I swear that our bed sometimes trips me up when I go for a glass of water in the middle of the night.  You can almost hear the blankets chuckling when that happens. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11692 on: May 01, 2013, 10:36:41 AM »
I sometimes apologize to things I bump into.  And curse the  things that trip me up.  Like you know, the air.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Calistoga

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11693 on: May 01, 2013, 11:04:26 AM »
I sometimes apologize to things I bump into.  And curse the  things that trip me up.  Like you know, the air.

Heh. "Sorry about that table, didn't see you there."

laud_shy_girl

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11694 on: May 01, 2013, 11:26:17 AM »
I thank things, like when the car beeps telling me the lights are still on I thank her.   ;D
“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

TootsNYC

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11695 on: May 01, 2013, 11:41:24 AM »
I used to get the urge to kiss our car--we park on the street in our NYC neighborhood, so normally the car is a block or more away. Every now and then I'd come home and see that DH had found a parking space right in front of our building. I'd get this surge of affection for the car and go over and pat it.

But that's not something that drives me up the wall, so I suppose we should get back on topic.

Calistoga

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11696 on: May 01, 2013, 11:53:30 AM »
When our younger daughter was about four years old and was sitting at the kitchen table, she suddenly swung her legs up and pushed her feet against the table, hard.  We'd told her over and over not to do that.  Predictably, her chair fell over backwards.  She wasn't hurt, but she was shaken and crying.  After cuddling her and making sure she was okay, we said "And THAT'S why we always tell you not to do that!"  She never did it again.

Speaking of helicopter parents, my daughter once had a birthday party to which we'd invited all of her daycare friends.  The idea was that the children would have fun in the basement (with adult supervision provided by my husband and/or myself), and the parents could go away and come back later.  One of the mothers refused to leave.  (She seemed shocked at the suggestion, actually.)  Not only would she not leave the house, she wouldn't leave the basement, and she hovered around her little boy the entire time.  We had the kids do an arts and crafts project (something simple with markers and glitter glue), and she kept telling him what to draw.  :o  After he'd finished his project and left with the other children to have cake, she corrected his drawing (adding details and fixing some of the glue) before running after him.  Oy.

o.O Now that's...a level of neurosis I'm unfamiliar with.

snowflake

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11697 on: May 01, 2013, 11:59:47 AM »
My brother still blames a wall for jumping in front of him and totaling my parents' car.  (It has now been 30 years.)  That's how he described the accident and that's how he insists it happened now.

Believe it or not, his blood tested clean and pure afterwards.
 

ladyknight1

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11698 on: May 01, 2013, 12:03:02 PM »
I am so sorry to hear that. I know a mother like that, and we had to cut ties with the family.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What little things drive you completely up the wall....?
« Reply #11699 on: May 01, 2013, 12:04:34 PM »
DH knows my organizational skills are less than sublime. He also knows that since he can't accompany us on our camping trip, the planning and preparing has fallen to me and that it's a bit more stressful for me than it might be to him, making sure all's done and ready.

But, that said I'm pretty proud of myself. I've gotten several lists together and have crossed quite a few things off them already and made decisions as to what's really important and what's not, to simplify my life and minimize our packing.  I do think everything will be ready by the time my friend's train gets in next week, provided my children don't make a whole new mess o' things in the next week.

So it truly annoys me when he gets smug about me finding out how much planning is involved in all of this. Dude, I know! It's not like I didn't lift a finger to get ready last time, we just shared this responsibility.

To his credit, he would help if I asked but dangit, I am stubborn and want to prove to myself that I can do this without his help.  Beyond packing things into the van, that is, and getting the carrier on top of the roof of the van. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata