Car Situation...HELP!!!!

[Suze]

Here's what you do.

Sell the car.

Sell it and pocket the money. Get around town on your bicycle for a while if you have to, but sell the car.

Then buy a new car. This one will clearly be YOUR car, since it was never your mother's car to begin with.

Either that, or just drive down to the local used car lot and "trade" it for a car of nearly equal value. Tell your mother something about the insurance being cheaper for a different car. Old Honda Civics retain their value for a long time, btw, and are great for students. Trade in the car, get yourself a new car, and make sure it has an alarm on it.

Tabris get off off of my wavelength , please.

I was just thinking the same thing.

She can also tell her Mom that if she really wants to have use of "that" car she can go back down to the car dealers and Buy. It. Back.

I feel for her, when I was her age my car was still legally my folks. (cheaper insurance) I paid for it and all it's upkeep, but it was still in my Dad's name.

It did get kinda frustrating to go out to get in the car to go somewhere and it wouldn't be there.  But then again I just went in the house and told Mom that Dad took my car and I am taking yours. (2 car family) this went on a while till he got tired of not finding HIS car at home and stopped taking mine. Gas tank was not a big deal Mom told him it was only fair that if he was useing my gas I could use his.

[BatCity]

Sell the car.

Sell it and pocket the money. Get around town on your bicycle for a while if you have to, but sell the car.

Then buy a new car. This one will clearly be YOUR car, since it was never your mother's car to begin with.

Heh.  Better yet, sell the car and buy a motorcycle!

[FoxPaws]

Re: the "sell the car" advice. I know money changed hands, but did the actual title?? If not, I would get that taken care of ASAP - definitely before leaving for school.

The whole "I know! Let's have the kid pay off the car note!" thing sounds a little sketchy to me.

[Lauren]

You poor thing. I was *given* a car by my parents (as was my bro) and they have NEVER taken either of our cars out. (except in emergency's, or their cars aren't working, which is completly expected) And both cars were in their names! (insurance) That is just so disrespectful to you. I'm going to agree with the leave no petrol in the car advice. Sure, its passive agressive, but at your age there's not much else you can do.

[Lisbeth]

Selling the car might be the best thing you can do in this situation.

Either that or parking it someplace that your mother can't access while you're gone.

[ettacat]

Well, since you are underage and don't have too many options, here is what I would do.

Clean it, etc. Then make sure the gas tank is not full. That way they at least have to put gas in it.

Hang in there.

[AndreaBeth105]

Any chance that you have a friend with a legitimate reason to borrow your car while your out of town?

Ie. "So sorry Mommy-Dearest, but Susie-Q, my oldest and dearest friend, has her car in the shop right now because she's having engine trouble.  I figured that since you and Step-Daddy-Dearest both having working vehichles, and since Susie-Q needs to be able to get to her rehearsals for her starring roll in School-Play-To-Benefit-The-Underprivileged, you'd be ok with my loaning my Baby-Car to Susie-Q next week while I'll be out of town.  Thanks for understanding.  Susie-Q and I are really-very-grateful! 

Please Note: Voice dripping with honey-and-sugar-and-all-things-sweet the entire time is absolutely necessary in order to pull this off.

[smarterthanu213]

Like I said, KewpieDoll, my sis and her husband were FURIOUS when they found out that Mom had me pay off the car. She claimed it was my choice, but really...no.

Anyway, I am going to just let it go. She's offerning to help me buy a better car before I go to college...as long as I stay in her good graces. I am, however, going to fill up the tank before I leave and ask that the tank be full when I get home. I was also thinking about mentioning something like "It would be nice if you would ask before taking my car, just the same as I would do for you." Because, you know, she would flip out if I ever took her car without permission. That's the only thing that really bothers me, is the lack of respect.

[Suze]

Like I said, KewpieDoll, my sis and her husband were FURIOUS when they found out that Mom had me pay off the car. She claimed it was my choice, but really...no.

Anyway, I am going to just let it go. She's offerning to help me buy a better car before I go to college...as long as I stay in her good graces. I am, however, going to fill up the tank before I leave and ask that the tank be full when I get home. I was also thinking about mentioning something like "It would be nice if you would ask before taking my car, just the same as I would do for you." Because, you know, she would flip out if I ever took her car without permission. That's the only thing that really bothers me, is the lack of respect.

You do relize that if you let her "help" get you a better car before you go to college you will never get away from -- I NEED to use your car dear, make sure you have it back home for the weekend.

Please don't fall into that trap.

And you KNOW the tank won't be full when you get home.  My advise on that would be to tell Mom you'll fill the tank up, can I have the money to do it.  And if she dosen't give you the money ---- DON'T DO IT !!!

Suze (we all feel for you. time to pick yourself up off of the ground under her feet)

[NOVA Lady]

Ugh what a yicky situation. Sorry about that. But there is light at the end of the title. My own mother/father has no problems letting me an adult (and at 23 I have been fully supporting myself in my own place for 4 years the 2 before that getting minimal financial help during my first 2 years of undergrad in the dorms).

However, my SO's mother was suffering from letting her first "baby" leave the house syndrome and would badger us constantly (we've lived together since 19/almost 20 supporting ourselves and recieving no financial assistance from her in any way) about what we doing, how late we were staying out, what furniture we were purchasing, why we decided to own pets, and on and on.

He basically stopped talking to her altogether until she could call him and have a normal adult conversation. The moment she would start in with questioning his life and our decisions or disparing me/our situation he would simply hang up.

But I do want to warn you, if you let her buy the car for you strings might come with that money. While supporting youself financially will be hard at first it allows for so many mental health benefits I would suggest that you free yourself from her financially as soon as you are able to do so (when you reach legal age that is). The new car might be nice, but she will always be able to hold it over your head. (Believe me SO's mom loaned him 600 bucks when we first moved in for moving expenses and still do this day mentions it, even though the money was repaid in 30 days once we had settled)

For your current situation...how viable is it for you to forget to gas the car up thus forcing her to put gas in it? Or could you start keeping track in a notebook the mileage of the cost, the dates (and costs etc) of each fill up. Not only will you figure out the miles per gallons your car gets and cost per mile you will have a record of how much her using your car is costing you (note who drove the car and who paid for the fillup in your notes). Sje might be able to argue that its simply your perception that she never buys gas when she uses your car but if she is confronted with actual proof over a few months time perhaps she wont be able to deny it as much and may start seeing it as a legitamite concern?

Good luck

[Rei-chan]

Any chance that you have a friend with a legitimate reason to borrow your car while your out of town?

Ie. "So sorry Mommy-Dearest, but Susie-Q, my oldest and dearest friend, has her car in the shop right now because she's having engine trouble.  I figured that since you and Step-Daddy-Dearest both having working vehichles, and since Susie-Q needs to be able to get to her rehearsals for her starring roll in School-Play-To-Benefit-The-Underprivileged, you'd be ok with my loaning my Baby-Car to Susie-Q next week while I'll be out of town.  Thanks for understanding.  Susie-Q and I are really-very-grateful! 

Please Note: Voice dripping with honey-and-sugar-and-all-things-sweet the entire time is absolutely necessary in order to pull this off.

I wouldn't necessarily do this, as Mommy Dearest might go into a tirade about the fact that if Susie-Q were to have an accident, it would be the owner of the car held responsible.  I know it would be a ruse, but it could just give her ammunition to throw at the OP....

[beakiebean]

At 17 I'm not sure you can sell/trade/or buy with a car dealer. If you are underage you can't legally enter into a contract and the dealer can't do anything with you. I bought my first car when I was 17 and the dealer couldn't even negotiate with me because of my age-my mom had to do the negotiating, sign everything, ect.

You could sell the car privately (but then would have the hassle of people calling your house and tipping her off) and then buy another car from a private party and that would be legal.

Your mom unfortunately sounds like one of those toxic people-and sadly I'm not sure you can do to much of anything about it until you can move out and be on your own.  I think it's doubly sad that will all the crap most teenagers pull your mom doesn't appreciate what a great daughter she has!

Becca

[wetblanket]

This is beyond etiquette - this is toxic family stuff.

I say: do what you can to get by until you can get out of the house.  Start preparing yourself psychologically for the massive loads of guilt and manipulation your mother will dish out in the coming years.  The more independent you become, the less control she will have.  That's why she's pulling this stuff on you now - she's grasping at the last scraps of control that are left.  Soon she will not have legal or financial control over you so her only option is to amp up the emotional control.

Whether you sell the car or park it elsewhere or whatever - just do what works for you while you are in survival mode.

[Tabris]

If you can't sell the car because the title's in your mom's name, I have a better idea. Leave it unlocked with the keys in the ignition somewhere and let it get stolen.

Then when your mom gets the insurance payoff, make her put the new car in your name only. 

[gjcva1]

to the OP, i sympathize, i really do.  what your mom is doing is completely disrespectful, and it's nothing i ever did, nothing i ever thought of doing.  BUT, and i don't know what country you live in, or what state you live in, at 17, you are underage, and you cannot go against what your mom says (unless you can prove that she is abusive).  you just have to suck it up until you turn 18 and move out.  that's what the cop told my son when he and his dad got into it while i was gone for 20 minutes to pick up a freaking pizza  (don't ask, it'll take a whole nother thread for THAT one!). you live in her house, you are underage, you have to abide by her rules, even if they are unreasonable.

having said that, once you turn 18, move out and can afford your own car, then mumsie needs to keep her hands off.  in fact, she shouldn't even have a key to your car. and that lure of her helping you to buy a better car when you've graduated?  check for strings attached.