Author Topic: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62  (Read 14609 times)

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Stranger

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The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62
« on: March 20, 2010, 05:34:28 AM »
It was DS's birthday party today. He turned 8, and he invited 8 friends to enjoy the afternoon at our house. The program was focussed on keeping boys busy (paintball shooting, making a fire and grilling sausages, and bike races).

The party was an undisputed success, bar *one* incident.

One of the neigbours have a 5 year old daughter (almost the same age as DD). Jamie and DD play almost every day, and they are good friends. Jamie's mum is not a friend of mine, and she never will be, but I quite like her daughter. DS's party started at 1 this afternoon, and DD told Jamie that she had to go home. Not five minutes later, the phone rang for the first time.

Jamie's mum: Jamie wants to know why she is not invited to DS's party.
DH: It's a boys party, he invited no girls.
Jamie's mum: Jamie is upset, you need to explain to her.
DH: No, I am busy with the boys.
Jamie's mum: *whine, whine, whine*
DH: I'm sorry, I can't talk now. (hangs up)

Five minutes later, the phone rings again. This time I answer.

Me: Hello?
Jamie: sob, sob (she was crying uncontrollably)
Me: Jamie, put your mum on the phone please.
Jamie's mum: Jamie wants to know why she was not invited.
Me: I can't supervise a 5 year old today. I have 8 eight year olds here, doing things 5 year olds can't do. I'm sorry.
Jamie's mum: Well, you can explain that to Jamie.
Me: No, you can explain to Jamie that there will be parties she is not invited to. You need to make her understand. That's not my job.
Jamie's mum: *silence*
Me: OK, Jamie's mum. Bye!

Five minutes later, the phone rings again!

Jamie: sob, sob, can I speak to DS?
Me: Sure (hands the phone to DS)
DS: I will get call you when the party is over, ok?

*SECONDS* later. Jamie arrives. I see her mum DRIVING OFF.

Jamie joins the party. I can't send her home, there is nobody there. My DS didn't get a party pack (there wasn't enough) or a prize after the paintball shooting (again, not enough prizes).

I am LIVID at myself.

How could I have dealt with this differently?
« Last Edit: March 27, 2010, 03:49:29 AM by Stranger »

MariaE

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2010, 06:14:42 AM »
I hope you called Jamie's Mum and reamed her out (politely, of course - but it's possible to be angry and polite at the same time) after the party.

And I agree with Lulupop - tell her that if she does that again, you'll call the police about an abandoned child.

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Azrail

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2010, 06:44:36 AM »
I hope you called Jamie's Mum and reamed her out (politely, of course - but it's possible to be angry and polite at the same time) after the party.

And I agree with Lulupop - tell her that if she does that again, you'll call the police about an abandoned child.

Gah! The Snowflakyness is making me fit to be tied!

Please, if it ever happens again, do the bolded. Please.
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kckgirl

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2010, 07:00:27 AM »
Stop answering the phone! Seriously. You were busy with the kids at the party. If you have a party when DS is 9, either turn the ringer off during the party or ignore the ringing phone and let your callers leave a message. You truly are not required to answer the phone just because it rings.
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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2010, 09:38:48 AM »
If she stops answering, the "drive over and drop the kid off" part just gets accelerated, not ameliorated.  That's the problem with users like Jamie's Mom... they truly think they're deserving, owed, and entitled to whatever it is that they're using you to get.

I agree with the police idea... but only if you're comfortable with Jamie never playing with your daughter again, as it's not something her mom will let slide.  Not that it isn't a positively fabulous idea, of course...

Above all, though, let this woman know, in no uncertain terms, that she crossed a line that Shall Not be crossed, and you are not at all happy about it, and that it Shall Not happen again.
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missmolly

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2010, 09:43:24 AM »
What a nasty piece of work. As sad as it is, it may be difficult to maintain your DD's friendship if the mother is behaving like this.
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shhh its me

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2010, 10:13:51 AM »
  The only thing in retrospect I think you could of done differently would have been to not put your DS on the phone.  I think could of told her Jamie DS is busy now Let me speak to you Mom.  Jamies mom this is a party for 8 year old boys Jamie can come over tommrow , please stop interrupting us.....but she 5 and crying so of course I see why you made the small accommodation and I don't know that it would have changed the outcome.

If you have the number of any of Jamie other realtives I would have called them to pick her up , in fact after this I'd ask for other realtives phone numbers. I would perfer to call the child Grandparent/father/Aunt etc before calling the police and hopeful the rest of the family is sane and would give the mother the reaming out she deserves. 

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2010, 10:16:58 AM »
Are you posting this ater the fact or is Jamie still at your house ?

if she has been picked up what did you say to Jamie's Mum.??


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« Last Edit: March 20, 2010, 10:19:31 AM by Dragons 8 Cactus »

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kherbert05

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2010, 10:57:56 AM »
If she is still there call the cops and report an abandoned child. You shouldn't have let the girl participate at all, and surely you should have given the prizes to your son not her.

If the Mom is back, you need to go talk to her. Is the Dad in the picture? If so talk to both of them make sure it is clear that if they ever do this again you will call the cops and report them for abandoning their child.

I wouldn't let the children play together anymore.
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Luci

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2010, 11:43:54 AM »
In the interest of efficiency in dealing with the 5 year old and 8 8 year olds, the OP did all she could. If she had called in an abandoned child report, she would have been caught up in paperwork and police questioning for hours.

I still don't think I would have given the party crasher a gift bag. Let her cry, even if the whole thing was not really her fault. She's only 5 and hasn't been taught some boundaries yet by her mother, who is not capable of teaching her.

A firm talk and explanation with the mother is in order, but I can't give any advice about what to say about that - Lucy, with 2 left feet in her mouth at all times here.

I am still wondering why you answered the phone. Even before answering machines and turning off the ringer were possibilities, I always said, "If it's important, they'll call back. (Once, I even took the phone apart and stuffed the ringer with a tissue! Mechanics sometimes rule over microchips.) There was someone ill during one of these occasions, but if I got the news of a death or crisis, I couldn't do anything anyway. Sorry to inconvenience the caller, but that's the way it was.


Shoo

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2010, 11:55:39 AM »
So.....what happened?  What did you do/say when Jamie's mom came to pick her up? 

itsmeforever

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2010, 12:11:56 PM »
Holy Hannah!!!  :o :o :o I've never....O my!

Well, OP....I feel you did all you could. But, I POD the other posters. You really should stopped anserwing the phone after the first time. You have caller ID? Then you knew you could safely ignore the call. Pushy Mom might have done the same thing, though. Tough situation. I don't envy you this.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2010, 01:24:48 PM by itsmeforever »

Giggity

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2010, 12:50:10 PM »
I honestly can't think of any sort of response that would affect her mother instead of Jamie.

Too bad, so sad. Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not Stranger's problem make.
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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2010, 12:57:45 PM »
I honestly can't think of any sort of response that would affect her mother instead of Jamie.

Too bad, so sad. Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not Stranger's problem make.

And Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not make upsetting a child any less of a jerk move.
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kherbert05

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2010, 01:01:52 PM »
I honestly can't think of any sort of response that would affect her mother instead of Jamie.

Too bad, so sad. Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not Stranger's problem make.

And Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not make upsetting a child any less of a jerk move.

Distancing you and your children from a family because the parent is unreliable is not a jerk move.
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