Author Topic: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62  (Read 14387 times)

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Livia

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62
« Reply #75 on: April 27, 2010, 03:53:13 PM »
Any update on this situation?

Stranger

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62
« Reply #76 on: April 27, 2010, 04:09:25 PM »
It is easier to get an audience with the pope than to see Jamie's mum. She's not daft, I think she knows pretty well that she pulled a fast one and that I have a lot to say to her, but she has excellent avoidance tactics  ::)

I have limited DD's contact with Jamie, we have only seen her twice since the party.

Both times were very short "playdates" where Jamie came over and spent some time here (without any contact from her mum's side). My backbone is made of titanium now, because on both occasions I sent Jamie home after two hours or so, and I didn't even feel bad about it! It feels good to be able to say "Jamie, thank you for visiting. You need to go home now." while I hold the front door open.

Thanks for all the advice!

artk2002

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!
« Reply #77 on: April 28, 2010, 06:18:46 PM »
I honestly can't think of any sort of response that would affect her mother instead of Jamie.

Too bad, so sad. Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not Stranger's problem make.

And Jamie's mother's lack of parenting does not make upsetting a child any less of a jerk move.

The fact that Jamie has a mother who has no concept of manners isn't the OP's responsibility.  Specifically, the OP (or anyone else in this situation) is not responsible for protecting Jamie from the consequences of her mother's actions.   If we take the "I don't want to be a jerk to a little kid" position, then people like Susan can walk all over the rest of us, using their children as an excuse.  "Oh, you're going to Disney World?  Jamie will be so disappointed of you don't take her.  Oh, you won't?  Look, she's crying, you jerk!"

Any jerkiness here is on Jamie's mother.  If the OP upsets the child, she's merely passing on what she started.  It's certainly unfortunate that it plays out that way, but a host in this situation isn't being a jerk at all saying "no."
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Giggity

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62
« Reply #78 on: April 29, 2010, 01:15:30 PM »
Thank you, Art! You said it better than I did.
Words mean things.

katarain

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Re: The perfect response, if only I had used it!Update #62
« Reply #79 on: April 29, 2010, 01:30:40 PM »
I apologize if someone else mentioned this, I didn't see it.

Isn't it standard etiquette that you not mention a party in front of people who aren't invited?  I think you should teach your children to be a lot more careful about not talking about parties in front of people who aren't invited to them.  Adults get their feelings hurt when they find out about parties they aren't invited to, even when they understand it, how much more hurt will a five-year-old feel?  I'm not saying you need to invite her, but goodness--two parties that she knows about in the space of a couple of weeks?  Stop talking about the parties in front of her!