Author Topic: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts  (Read 6960 times)

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Jolie_kitten

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #15 on: March 25, 2010, 10:08:47 AM »
OK, but if you live in the utmost famine and offering some food to your guest would equal to  starving your kids (which it doesn't show from the text that they did) you can  wait until your guests leave before announcing dinner. I mean, for God's sake, it was 5:30 not 8!!!!!!! Or you can ask your guest to leave claiming that you've got some urgent matters to resolve, not exclude her downright and explicitly from dinner.
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Psykogrl

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #16 on: March 25, 2010, 11:01:46 AM »
While I agree the Parents are allowed to send home a guest, the dad didn't exactly do that. He didn't come to the door and say "Hey, time to wrap it up.." or "It's time to go."  It sounded like he ignored the LW like she wasn't even there, and that is rude, imo.

Julia S

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #17 on: March 25, 2010, 11:47:54 AM »
OK, but if you live in the utmost famine and offering some food to your guest would equal to  starving your kids (which it doesn't show from the text that they did) you can  wait until your guests leave before announcing dinner. I mean, for God's sake, it was 5:30 not 8!!!!!!! Or you can ask your guest to leave claiming that you've got some urgent matters to resolve, not exclude her downright and explicitly from dinner.


I'd like to point out that not everyone eats dinner at the same time. :) My parents (and my grandparents, when they were alive) always have dinner at 5pm. Due to ManInTheShadows' work hours, we often don't have dinner before 7pm.
Once a week, I get to assign an early-dinner-night, where we eat around 6pm, so I can raid with my guild (raids start at 7pm). If we have an unexpected guest over around that time, I'll mention I have plans. Depending on the guest, we'll invite him/her to eat with us or just say we're about to have dinner. I don't even ask them to leave, it's up to them to realise that (and I've never encountered someone who didn't get the hint, but then we don't often have people over anyway).

TylerBelle

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2010, 12:16:46 PM »
While I agree the Parents are allowed to send home a guest, the dad didn't exactly do that. He didn't come to the door and say "Hey, time to wrap it up.." or "It's time to go."  It sounded like he ignored the LW like she wasn't even there, and that is rude, imo.

Pod. I got the LW was fine about not being invited to dinner at the time Dan's dad called him, it was that the dad "pointedly" looked at her with his announcement, causing her to feel without a doubt she wasn't included in the invite and so she felt as an intruder. Evidently Dan knew she wasn't suppose to eat with them as well because he wanted her to stay in his room while he ate. Which is tacky in itself, for it's fine if there's not enough for guests, but allow them to leave. I can't imagine keeping someone waiting around the house for you like so if there's nothing to be offered.
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Daquiri40

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2010, 03:00:47 PM »
This is one of my favorite stories!

The cooking them the spaghetti dinner put it over the top.  Dan was a nitwit and a clod!  And the mother!  I can't imagine treating anyone so rudely.  Cook my dinner; now get out.  I probably would have been just as gobsmacked as the story writer and left.  How do you respond to that level of rudeness?

Jolie_kitten

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2010, 04:08:57 PM »
Er...  by never having another date with the guy again? :P  >:D
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Emmy

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2010, 05:01:30 PM »
Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  I do agree that it wasn't rude of Dan's family not to feed the OP dinner.  If an extra person was unexpected, the family might not have enough food to go around.  I do feel it is rude for Dan's family to never invite the OP for dinner after Dan has had dinner with her family several times. 

Some of my friends had dated guys like Dan.  Maybe not the same story, but the same type of selfish, inconsiderate, clueless behavior.  In my opinion real men don't act like that, real men look out for their girlfriend.  Glad the OP ditched the zero and found a hero.

MDefarge

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2010, 10:02:20 PM »
It also sounds like this family didn't have a lot of money to throw around feeding unexpected guests.
Yeah, sure, a plate of food would totally ruin them....  :P

Why couldn't it be that they had 3 hamburgers for 3 people? Were one of the family members supposed to go without dinner so that the OP could eat with them?  And really your reply is quite snide.

whatsanenigma

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #23 on: March 25, 2010, 10:10:00 PM »
it's fine if there's not enough for guests, but allow them to leave. I can't imagine keeping someone waiting around the house for you like so if there's nothing to be offered.

POD.

IMHO both the BF and the Dad fell short of the mark on this one.

Jolie_kitten

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2010, 03:30:47 AM »
It also sounds like this family didn't have a lot of money to throw around feeding unexpected guests.
Yeah, sure, a plate of food would totally ruin them....  :P

Why couldn't it be that they had 3 hamburgers for 3 people? Were one of the family members supposed to go without dinner so that the OP could eat with them?  And really your reply is quite snide.

I know a lot of hosts who are able to improvise gracefully, even in situations like this. (excepting, of course, cases of utmost famine, which we already discussed)
« Last Edit: March 26, 2010, 03:35:05 AM by Jolie_kitten »
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Jolie_kitten

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #25 on: March 26, 2010, 03:36:39 AM »
I do feel it is rude for Dan's family to never invite the OP for dinner after Dan has had dinner with her family several times. 
POD
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MariaE

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #26 on: March 26, 2010, 03:54:10 AM »
Why couldn't it be that they had 3 hamburgers for 3 people? Were one of the family members supposed to go without dinner so that the OP could eat with them?  And really your reply is quite snide.

I know a lot of hosts who are able to improvise gracefully, even in situations like this. (excepting, of course, cases of utmost famine, which we already discussed)

Definitely. But it's not rude not to do so.
 
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Jolie_kitten

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #27 on: March 26, 2010, 02:51:25 PM »
Then, I guess I have to agree it's a cultural issue.  :)
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HonorH

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #28 on: March 26, 2010, 09:54:25 PM »
I grew up in a family of six, so at times, it would've been difficult to add another person to the table.  My parents' response was always, "Honor, it's time for dinner.  Becky, it's probably time for you to get home, too."
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

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whatsanenigma

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Re: From the Guests archive 2003- horrible, horrible hosts
« Reply #29 on: March 27, 2010, 06:01:53 PM »
I grew up in a family of six, so at times, it would've been difficult to add another person to the table.  My parents' response was always, "Honor, it's time for dinner.  Becky, it's probably time for you to get home, too."

I think this is the way to handle it. Some variation on telling your own child it is time for the meal and also telling the guest to leave or hinting at it, like by saying, "It was great having you over, hope to see you again soon."

Father and son both dropped the ball. Son shouldn't have told the girl in the OP to just hang around, but Father, being the adult, really should have indicated that the OP was expected/free to leave.

And I wouldn't expect that all families could just invite another random person to eat a random meal with them (for any number of reasons), but it does seem a little "off" to me that the girl in the OP was NEVER invited specifically for a meal. Even if financial constraints were involved, I think there probably would have been a way to do it if planned in advance. So you can't afford to buy steak for everybody. So what? You can cook some hot dogs. It's the hospitality that counts, I think, and the joy of sharing with which the meal is served.

The thing where she cooked the meal FOR THEM and they expected her to leave, that is truly awful and suggests to me that maybe they wouldn't have ever invited her for a pre-planned meal even if they were multi-millionares.

But I could be wrong.