Their hearts were in the right place but...

[Betsy]

I received an invitation to my godmother's 50th birthday party yesterday. Her oldest daughter, who is one of my best friends, told me about the party well b/4 invitations went out so that I could plan on coming since the invites weren't going out till late. Great, I passed on the word to my Mom and sisters so that they would all know too. At the same time said daughter tells me that Aunt J (my godmother) would prefer that any gifts might be a picture, memory, recipe, etc (something small that can be put into an album basically) instead of any large gifts (for her 40th there were some rather outrageous gifts that embarrassed her greatly). I thought this was great and also passed word on to mom and sisters about the gifts.

Then I got the invitation, rather prominently on the invite it states "No Gifts! Rather please bring a favorite picture, memory, recipe, etc to share with J." Now the guest list is comprised solely of family members and a very few close friends. Not exactly a huge party and definitely can use the "grapevine" since said family members gossip like its their job.

I know her daughters hearts were in the right place, but it just blew me away. Oldest daughter knows enough about parties to know who can and cannot throw a bridal or a baby shower, to not include registry info, to make sure that there is enough food and drink for guests and all the rest of good hostessing etiquette... so what were they thinking? 

More of just a rant, and I'm not sure that theres much of a faux pas here, but please post your thoughts.

[FoxPaws]

I am definitely going to e-hell over the no "no gifts" rule, but at least I'll have plenty of company. Where I grew up, indicating "no gifts" is as much a part of an adult birthday or anniversary invitation as the date and time. It's usually in a lower corner, and sometimes with nicer wording ("your presence is our present" or "your friendship is a treasured gift"), but it's always there.

And frankly, I don't think it's a terrible idea. On the occasions where people have brought gifts to the above mentioned celebrations, most of it is stuff you can tell is going to end up in a box in the attic until somebody can sneak it into a Goodwill Drop Off out of town.

I've also seen the "bring a story or photo" you mentioned, and I think that is actually very nice, although in that case, I think I would have left off the No Gifts Exclaimation Point.

[freakyfemme]

I am definitely going to e-hell over the no "no gifts" rule, but at least I'll have plenty of company. Where I grew up, indicating "no gifts" is as much a part of an adult birthday or anniversary invitation as the date and time. It's usually in a lower corner, and sometimes with nicer wording ("your presence is our present" or "your friendship is a treasured gift"), but it's always there.

How about this?  "In lieu of gifts, please bring a cash donation to put towards renting a U-Haul to cart away all the useless crap people have given us over the years."

[Virg]

Freakyfemme wrote:

"In lieu of gifts, please bring a cash donation to put towards renting a U-Haul to cart away all the useless crap people have given us over the years."

I think that's going on all of my invitations from now on.  Thanks for the laugh.

Virg

[sweedetobee]

While word of mouth would have been more appropriate, I really don't think this one was so bad. I mean the "No Gifts!" part was bad, but I would not be offended at all if on/in the invite I was asked to bring a picture, memory, recipe, etc.

You know there is just so much out in the world that is in poor taste and against etiquette, that when I see what I consider to be minor infractions I just don't have the energy to get annoyed   But it is also a matter of perception - so what bothers me might not bother you.

[Rose2Bear]

I dunno, I don't see this wording as that offensive. While "No Gifts!" alone sounds as though the person 1. Was expecting gifts and 2. Secretly does want them but is just trying to look polite, at least this gives a clear, nice alternative. 

Putting "No Gifts" leaves guests in that weird state where they wonder "should I bring something? should I not?" but at least with the part about pictures/recipes etc. they KNOW they should not fret over brining a gift and rather just bring these nice, inexpensive memories instead.   

[kareng57]

I think perhaps they were simply trying to reinforce the message.  They might have figured that the verbal no-gift-please could be interpreted that your godmother just didn't want to seem grabby and some guests would have brought gifts anyway.  But when people saw it on the invitation they'd know that she REALLY doesn't want them.

I'm aware that any mention of gifts on an invitation is an etiquette no-no but personally I don't think that people who put a "no gifts please" message deserve a one-way ticket into Ehell; I'd cut them some slack.

[Lunadiana75]

I may cut them a little slack on that one.  Considering how people went over the top at her 40th and embarassed her.  It sounds like Mom and daughter are trying to avoid that situation again.

[Betsy]

I may cut them a little slack on that one.  Considering how people went over the top at her 40th and embarassed her.  It sounds like Mom and daughter are trying to avoid that situation again.

That was sort of what I was thinking... that they just really didnt want a repeat. It more annoyed me because of how often they "remind" me not to do things that I already knew not to do and then they go against one of the "biggie" rules.