I'm so excited that EHell equipped me with the perfect response to my MIL's weirdness earlier today.
BG: MIL seems to be a little Jekyl/Hyde. She will seem nice for several months and then suddenly flip out. No one is off limits when she goes off. At Thanksgiving my BIL (husband's only brother who is several years younger) had just gotten out of drug rehab. Long story short -- she spent the entire day carping on how horrible BIL is, BIL's wife is, etc. She chews BIL out repeatedly in front of everyone for not being available to his mother 100% of the time now that he's married. (He used to live with MIL and if she called he dropped everything to attend to whatever she wanted right that second) The last straw for BIL was when she then blamed BIL for MIL being in such a bad mood because he'd stolen all her valium -- which is what had landed him in rehab! Well, the biggest problem I had with everything was that this was being done in front of everyone -- including my children (2yo DD and 7 month old DS). You may have problems with people but you don't cuss them out in front of my children. So we did our best to keep children occupied in the den while BIL, MIL, and GMIL were in the kitchen/dining room -- on Thanksgiving, while MIL kept asking me to help her with the meal. We juggled the best we could and after BIL left we had DH take DD with him to take GMIL home so that she wouldn't hear any more of MIL's rant.
I thought that was an isolated incident due to stress. GMIL had fallen earlier in the day but was fine. BIL had just gotten out of rehab. I thought -- hey, everyone loses it sometimes. I've never lost it like that but I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I just really hated that it was in front of my kids.
Fast forward to a month ago. DS gets sick at daycare and DH picks him up. However DH absolutely has to work the next day and so do I. We each have major events at work that we just.can't.miss. We call MIL and ask if she can babysit. She can't and wants to give DH a lengthy lecture on why she's just too busy to help out in an emergency. (To clarify I didn't blame her too much for being too busy. DH didn't either. He just didn't have time for a lecture as he *had* to find someone to keep our child). So he cut the lecture short, apologized and said he had to go so he could find someone to watch DS. She was irate. While DH contacted several other options, apparently MIL got in an argument with her mother where she called her mother "nothing but a crippled old woman" (according to GMIL). MIL then called DH back and lit into him again. DH didn't have his bluetooth in when he answered and so put the phone on speaker. He didn't have a chance to tell GMIL this or that the kids were with him. He tried. She was in a tirade and blamed him for her argument with GMIL. It ended with her telling DH to F*** off! Yes, my 2 yo DD heard it. And repeated it. And we had to fight the battle of why that's not a good word "even though grandma said it?"
After that last incident, which MIL has never apologized for or taken any responsibility for, DH and I decided that we simply can't trust MIL to be around our children unsupervised. The majority of the time she behaves well. But when she's in a tiff, there's just no telling what will come out of her mouth and she has absolutely no regard for anyone or anything other than what she's thinking. [/BG]
So I get a text message from MIL today saying that since "Everyone but Danismom" is off work on Wednesday, wouldn't it be a great day to go to the zoo?! (Note: DH and I are the only ones in the family with jobs!) And can't Danismom just take the day off?
I was so proud of myself....
I'm afraid that won't be possible.
I didn't go on to say that you are asking me on Sunday to take Wednesday off? No can do!
She responds that maybe DH can come and take care of one of our 2 kids since she doesn't think she can manage GMIL's wheelchair and both our children on our own. (Umm, I said that won't be possible. You aren't taking our kids without us!)
I simply said I'd have to talk to DH after he gets off work. I did ask why she wanted it on Wednesday instead of a day that DH and I are both off work.
Her answer was that her "friend" (guy she's been on again off again with for years) is only off on Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays. Plus he may not even be able to be off this Wednesday. She's still waiting to hear.
Soooo, you are planning a trip to the zoo not around your grandkids but around your wanna-be-BF. You want me to take a day off work *in case* he can get the day off and then we can all go to the zoo. (Knowing MIL if WBBF can't get the day off work then we won't go). You also want me to hand at least one of my children over to you if DH and I can't go so you can play grandma?
"I'm afraid that won't be possible"