Bridezilla: Was the salesperson at fault?

[Rosey]

Reading through a lot of these stories, I often think back to my experience as a salesperson in a bridal store and wonder what became of some of "my brides". Of course there was a regular dose of snobby mothers, and whiny brides, but one group has stood out in my mind for over three years now.

The bride came in with her mother, grandmother and a few bridesmaids--standard entourage. They did their typical browsing and perusing, and I was very surprised the bride was having a lot of trouble finding what she wanted, since a lot of the dresses were quite lovely on her--ample figure and all. She kept pointing to dresses and asking if I had anything "lower cut" that "showed a lot of cleavage", which rather surprised me...most brides her size are trying to tug the things up to retain some sense of modesty.

Finally, she got very frustrated that I was trying to politely choose things for her that were very lovely and feminine without being bawdy, which was obviously what she was craving. Her mother, too, was getting frustrated and started roving through the racks. "Don't you have anything that shows a lot of cleavage? She needs to keep her husband's attention up there!! Last thing she needs is him %&*$#!#^ another one of the bridesmaids!"

Well, I don't remember if my draw dropped at that moment (she was getting a lot of looks from around the store!) but I do remember wondering if the mentioned bridesmaid was one of the girls present. I didn't even want to look the grandmother in the eye!

I was VERY glad they didn't find what it was they were looking for there. Perhaps a lingerie store? Sometimes I wonder if their time would have been better spent going ahead and picking up the divorce papers!

ezilla1027-00

Okay, I understand that a revealing gown is often considered inappropriate for a bridal gown, but it wasn't the salesperson's job to choose the dress or to teach the bride etiquette. It was her job to help her find the gown she wanted. The bride and her mom may have been crss, but the salesperson was out of line in my opinion. Your thoughts?

[DottyG]

The saleslady was rude on many counts.  And, not a good salesperson.  If the customer knows what she wants, you help her find that - not try to steer her into what you think she should have for her "ample figure."

And, the comment about the divorce papers was extremely snarky and inappropriate.

[Namárië]

I agree with Dotty. It was certainly not "polite" to steer the bride towards what the salesperson thought was "appropriate."

[Rosey]

The saleslady was rude on many counts.  And, not a good salesperson.  If the customer knows what she wants, you help her find that - not try to steer her into what you think she should have for her "ample figure."

And, the comment about the divorce papers was extremely snarky and inappropriate.

I'm glad you said that! I've noticed so many posts in the archives where people are celebrating/predicting/taking bets on the couple's impending divorce! It seems so sad to me! I don't care how rude a person was, how tacky their wedding was, or what they did to you; unless someone is abusive, you should never find joy in another person's divorce! A bad wedding lasts as long as the engagement and wedding day takes. A divorce affects the rest of a person's life.

[Squeaks]

Hind sight is 20/20

The clerk was trying to find things she thought the bride would like.  Predicting what the bride will like is combination of the brides description, and experience.

With experience you learn what cuts/dress minimize/maximize what.  You also like get an idea of what women usually like and don't.  Yes it might be judgmental to pick more modest gowns for larger women, but frankly you are asking the clerk to make a judgment call for you.  And if 9/10 brides are happy with with the clerk picks,  due to the clerks experience and predictions, it really is not that bad.

The clerk was likely on auto pilot and stuck in habit. I suspect the idea of what the bride wanted formulated more clearly in hindsight.  I just don't see her as that horrid.  She was picking dresses that looked good on the bride, and did not come off with an attitude of it being hard to make her look good. Just the tastes were a bit different.  If you really do think X looks good and Y does not it is not rude to suggest X even if the bride hates it and likes Y better.   You like what you like and proceed accordingly.  And there is room for disparity in descriptions.  I am sure bridal clerks have frequently seen the same dress called too simple and too gawdy by different brides.

And no the sales person was certainly not at fault for the rude behavior.  She may not have been doing a good job, but they were the rude ones.  

[DottyG]

I might be able to agree with you, Squeaks, if the LW hadn't included that last, extremely rude, line in the story.  To me, that shows her true motives and colors more than the entire rest of the story did.

[PeasNCues]

I would agree if the letter writer hadn't specifically said that the family was getting really frustrated with her. If the family is getting frustrated - they mean what they say and want what they say they want and she should give it to them and stop trying to "guide" them in the direction she would prefer that they go.

And I agree about the divorce comment.

[Squeaks]

I might be able to agree with you, Squeaks, if the LW hadn't included that last, extremely rude, line in the story.  To me, that shows her true motives and colors more than the entire rest of the story did.

I think she was trying to be funny.  I think it had more to do with the cheating and fear of continued cheating than anything else.  

[DottyG]

I might be able to agree with you, Squeaks, if the LW hadn't included that last, extremely rude, line in the story.  To me, that shows her true motives and colors more than the entire rest of the story did.

I think she was trying to be funny.  I think it had more to do with the cheating and fear of continued cheating than anything else. 

Not a very funny joke.  I don't find it humorous at all to joke about someone's getting a divorce.

[Squeaks]

I would agree if the letter writer hadn't specifically said that the family was getting really frustrated with her. If the family is getting frustrated - they mean what they say and want what they say they want and she should give it to them and stop trying to "guide" them in the direction she would prefer that they go.

And I agree about the divorce comment.

But failing to "get it" (i.e. what they want) is not rude.  I think she was having trouble understanding/finding what they want.  It sounds like this store may not of been right for this bride and have what she wants.  If her idea of low cut happens to be higher than the brides, that is not rude.  

I think she was more of a bad salesman that day than rude.  Yeah she likely did fail at her job that day, but failing is not rude.  Doing it on purpose would be.

[Squeaks]

I might be able to agree with you, Squeaks, if the LW hadn't included that last, extremely rude, line in the story.  To me, that shows her true motives and colors more than the entire rest of the story did.

I think she was trying to be funny.  I think it had more to do with the cheating and fear of continued cheating than anything else. 

Not a very funny joke.  I don't find it humorous at all to joke about someone's getting a divorce.

And i don't find it sad or tragic when someone stands up for themselves and leaves a cheater. Sometimes divorces can be good for people in bad relationships. 

[PeasNCues]

I would agree if the letter writer hadn't specifically said that the family was getting really frustrated with her. If the family is getting frustrated - they mean what they say and want what they say they want and she should give it to them and stop trying to "guide" them in the direction she would prefer that they go.

And I agree about the divorce comment.

But failing to "get it" (i.e. what they want) is not rude.  I think she was having trouble understanding/finding what they want.  It sounds like this store may not of been right for this bride and have what she wants.  If her idea of low cut happens to be higher than the brides, that is not rude.  

I think she was more of a bad salesman that day than rude.  Yeah she likely did fail at her job that day, but failing is not rude.  Doing it on purpose would be.

The post said, "Finally, she got very frustrated that I was trying to politely choose things for her that were very lovely and feminine without being bawdy, which was obviously what she was craving," which leaves me to believe that yes, she knew that she was purposefully not fullfilling the brides' questionable but (as the poster admits themselves) obvious desire.

[Mediancat]

Plenty of rudeness to go around, here. It's not the salesperson's job to steer the bride to something "appropriate" (it may be their job to steer them to the higher-priced gowns, but that's a different discussion) and for her to continue to do so despite the express wishes of the bride was rude.

Some kind of reaction, irritated but polite, would not have been out of line. The reaction the mother of the bride, however, most definitely was. A profanity-laced tirade wasn't nearly justified.

The bride herself seems to have been perfectly polite, though.

Rob

[DottyG]

And i don't find it sad or tragic when someone stands up for themselves and leaves a cheater. Sometimes divorces can be good for people in bad rel@tionships. 

Except that we're not talking about someone who is leaving a cheater.  The mother's comment (which, you'll notice came FROM the mother and not even the bride) does not mean that the future groom has cheated.  So, there is no reason why speculation on an impending divorce is necessary.

[Tiamet]

And i don't find it sad or tragic when someone stands up for themselves and leaves a cheater. Sometimes divorces can be good for people in bad rel@tionships. 

Except that we're not talking about someone who is leaving a cheater.  The mother's comment (which, you'll notice came FROM the mother and not even the bride) does not mean that the future groom has cheated.  So, there is no reason why speculation on an impending divorce is necessary.

I certainly read 'another one of the bridesmaids' to mean that he had already played scrabble with one of the maids previously.  If someone made this suggestion about my (hypothetical) DF, I would confront them immediately.  The fact the bride ignored the comment is worrying.  She is either marrying someone who would cheat on her with a friend or is a doormat with her mother.

Of course, this doesn't justify the saleslady deciding to ignore the wishes of the bride and her mother in regard to the dress.