Bridezilla: Was the salesperson at fault?

[missmolly]

I think most brides go to find a gown that they will look good in, not one in which they are trying to look bawdy enough to keep the groom's sexual attentions on them.
 
I agree with the LW that maybe these folks would have been better off looking in a lingerie store instead of a bridal store.
 
It is certainly not good etiquette for the bride to dress as if she is trying to attract the sexual attentions of anyone--it is assumed that the bride already has the sexual attention of the groom.
 
These people were crass and should not have drawn the sales clerk into their sleazy little drama.

For the record I think that the bride and her family sounded very demanding, but the LW was the rude one IMO. There's a line between a suggestion and imposing your views on others, and when the LW repeatedly refused to take the bride's request into account, she was imposing her own tastes onto someone else.

I think though that the LW thought she was helping a regular bride and it turned out not to be the case.  The bride was not looking for a dress like most brides are, she was looking for something sleazy.  Would you expect the salesperson to come up with a dress that looked sleazy on her?
 
I don't think that's reasonable.  And the dress shop apparently didn't have what she was looking for because the bride herself perused the aisles and couldn't find something cut low enough for what she wanted--she was not limited to what the LW was bringing to her.
 
Essentially, they told the salesperson that there wasn't anything sleazy enough for them in her shop.  I wouldn't want to deal with people like that either.
 
Taste doesn't even enter into--its more of a lack of taste.  How distasteful can it be to dress in a bawdy way for your wedding because you can't keep the groom's attention.  Sounds like a bad situation all the way around.  And since wedding dress shops have to have repeated contact with their clients I can well imagine that the LW was relieved that they didn't find what they were looking for.
 

But why should it matter so much to the LW how 'sleazy' the bride might look? All she has to do is sell the woman a dress, it's not like she has to attend the wedding or have her photo taken with it. Why should it matter so much to someone if a complete stranger looks 'tasteful' or 'sleazy'?

[iridaceae]

I think most brides go to find a gown that they will look good in, not one in which they are trying to look bawdy enough to keep the groom's sexual attentions on them.
 
I agree with the LW that maybe these folks would have been better off looking in a lingerie store instead of a bridal store.
 
It is certainly not good etiquette for the bride to dress as if she is trying to attract the sexual attentions of anyone--it is assumed that the bride already has the sexual attention of the groom.
 
These people were crass and should not have drawn the sales clerk into their sleazy little drama.

For the record I think that the bride and her family sounded very demanding, but the LW was the rude one IMO. There's a line between a suggestion and imposing your views on others, and when the LW repeatedly refused to take the bride's request into account, she was imposing her own tastes onto someone else.

For the record, it sounds to me like the saleswomen thinks any plus-sized woman should be grateful for a white tent.

Seriously, it sounds like this saleslady thinks all plus-sized women should dress covered from head to toe. So the bride wanted some cleavage; big deal.  Lots of brides do. It's just, apparently, okay by this saleswoman for thin ones to do so.

[missmolly]

I think most brides go to find a gown that they will look good in, not one in which they are trying to look bawdy enough to keep the groom's sexual attentions on them.
 
I agree with the LW that maybe these folks would have been better off looking in a lingerie store instead of a bridal store.
 
It is certainly not good etiquette for the bride to dress as if she is trying to attract the sexual attentions of anyone--it is assumed that the bride already has the sexual attention of the groom.
 
These people were crass and should not have drawn the sales clerk into their sleazy little drama.

For the record I think that the bride and her family sounded very demanding, but the LW was the rude one IMO. There's a line between a suggestion and imposing your views on others, and when the LW repeatedly refused to take the bride's request into account, she was imposing her own tastes onto someone else.

For the record, it sounds to me like the saleswomen thinks any plus-sized woman should be grateful for a white tent.

Seriously, it sounds like this saleslady thinks all plus-sized women should dress covered from head to toe. So the bride wanted some cleavage; big deal.  Lots of brides do. It's just, apparently, okay by this saleswoman for thin ones to do so.

POD. The fact that she keeps referring to the bride's weight speaks volumes to me.

[Waltraud]

I agree that the bride's weight, taste in dresses or cleavage preferences don't matter at all in this context. It is also irrelevant if the dress is considered bawdy, inappropriate or far too revealing by the salesperson, or if the salesperson would prefer a less modest, longer/shorter/offwhite dress on the bride.

It is any salesperson's job to find clothing the customer likes, and therefore, purchases. Even if the salesperson themselves would not be caught dead in it. The weight references sound very suspicious to me, too.

Waltraud

[mechtilde]

(emphasis mine).

I think that might be the key (and really is something that only the OP can clear up).  I didn't read it that way with that kind of emphasis.  It could go either way, depending on how it's said.

I am not sure what other way it could be taken besides an indication that the groom slept with one of the bridesmaids.

I agree. If she had left the "another" out, then it would just probably be hyperbole. But to say "another one" definitely indicates that he had slept with one of the BM's already.

It just sounds like a very poor joke to me. Of course it could have been meant in all seriousness, in which case the bride has all my sympathies- not only for having such a dreadful groom, but also for having a horrible mother prepared to make such a vile remark.

But as none of us were there then we will never know.

As for the OP, her attitude is dreadful. It isn't her job to decide what looks good, unless she is asked to do so. Some big girls like to show a lot of cleavage- and it is up to them.

[Audrey Quest]

I agree that the bride's weight, taste in dresses or cleavage preferences don't matter at all in this context. It is also irrelevant if the dress is considered bawdy, inappropriate or far too revealing by the salesperson, or if the salesperson would prefer a less modest, longer/shorter/offwhite dress on the bride.

It is any salesperson's job to find clothing the customer likes, and therefore, purchases. Even if the salesperson themselves would not be caught dead in it. The weight references sound very suspicious to me, too.

Waltraud

They are relevant to the fact that most larger women also have rather large busts which usually require some sort of consideration so that cleavage does not turn into a wardrobe malfunction.

The problem was that this was a wedding shop and they didn't have the bawdy costume the bride was looking for.  Is the LW supposed to sell her something she doesn't have?
 
It seems to me that they wasted the LW's time and not the other way around.
 
They weren't looking for a dress for the bride to get married in, they were looking for something sexually revealing to keep the groom's attention
 
As far as I can see, the LW did nothing rude.  She picked dresses and I would presume that given the fact that the bride and her entourage had the run of the place, they also picked dresses but couldn't find anything low cut enough.

Nowhere does the LW imply that she prevented the bride from trying on a low cut dress, just that she looked great in all the ones she tried but wasn't satisfied with any of them.  She doesn't say that she tried to dissuade the bride from anything lower cut--the dresses on hand simply weren't low cut enough for this bride.
 
And no salesperson is obligated to refer you to somewhere else.

I don't think that any of this makes the bride a bridezilla--tacky maybe.  The rude one was the person who blurted about the groom.

[missmolly]

I agree that the bride's weight, taste in dresses or cleavage preferences don't matter at all in this context. It is also irrelevant if the dress is considered bawdy, inappropriate or far too revealing by the salesperson, or if the salesperson would prefer a less modest, longer/shorter/offwhite dress on the bride.

It is any salesperson's job to find clothing the customer likes, and therefore, purchases. Even if the salesperson themselves would not be caught dead in it. The weight references sound very suspicious to me, too.

Waltraud

They are relevant to the fact that most larger women also have rather large busts which usually require some sort of consideration so that cleavage does not turn into a wardrobe malfunction.

The problem was that this was a wedding shop and they didn't have the bawdy costume the bride was looking for.  Is the LW supposed to sell her something she doesn't have?
 
It seems to me that they wasted the LW's time and not the other way around.
 
They weren't looking for a dress for the bride to get married in, they were looking for something sexually revealing to keep the groom's attention
 
As far as I can see, the LW did nothing rude.  She picked dresses and I would presume that given the fact that the bride and her entourage had the run of the place, they also picked dresses but couldn't find anything low cut enough.

Nowhere does the LW imply that she prevented the bride from trying on a low cut dress, just that she looked great in all the ones she tried but wasn't satisfied with any of them.  She doesn't say that she tried to dissuade the bride from anything lower cut--the dresses on hand simply weren't low cut enough for this bride.
 
And no salesperson is obligated to refer you to somewhere else.

I don't think that any of this makes the bride a bridezilla--tacky maybe.  The rude one was the person who blurted about the groom.

But Audrey, I keep asking you why it is any business of the salesperson how the bride looks on her wedding day?

[DottyG]

Or, why it's appropriate for her to "joke" about a divorce being
a good idea for a bride.

[Audrey Quest]

I agree that the bride's weight, taste in dresses or cleavage preferences don't matter at all in this context. It is also irrelevant if the dress is considered bawdy, inappropriate or far too revealing by the salesperson, or if the salesperson would prefer a less modest, longer/shorter/offwhite dress on the bride.

It is any salesperson's job to find clothing the customer likes, and therefore, purchases. Even if the salesperson themselves would not be caught dead in it. The weight references sound very suspicious to me, too.

Waltraud

They are relevant to the fact that most larger women also have rather large busts which usually require some sort of consideration so that cleavage does not turn into a wardrobe malfunction.

The problem was that this was a wedding shop and they didn't have the bawdy costume the bride was looking for.  Is the LW supposed to sell her something she doesn't have?
 
It seems to me that they wasted the LW's time and not the other way around.
 
They weren't looking for a dress for the bride to get married in, they were looking for something sexually revealing to keep the groom's attention
 
As far as I can see, the LW did nothing rude.  She picked dresses and I would presume that given the fact that the bride and her entourage had the run of the place, they also picked dresses but couldn't find anything low cut enough.

Nowhere does the LW imply that she prevented the bride from trying on a low cut dress, just that she looked great in all the ones she tried but wasn't satisfied with any of them.  She doesn't say that she tried to dissuade the bride from anything lower cut--the dresses on hand simply weren't low cut enough for this bride.
 
And no salesperson is obligated to refer you to somewhere else.

I don't think that any of this makes the bride a bridezilla--tacky maybe.  The rude one was the person who blurted about the groom.

But Audrey, I keep asking you why it is any business of the salesperson how the bride looks on her wedding day?

Because she is trying to sell her a wedding dress.  It isn't normal for a bride to want to look bawdy or sleazy on her wedding day.  And if that is what she wants then she should be up front about it so that the salesperson can tell her that they don't have what she is looking for.
  
The point of the LW is mainly to communicate the outrageous reasoning behind what kind of dress this bride was looking for.

The only person who was rude was the one who dished about the groom.

[Audrey Quest]

Or, why it's appropriate for her to "joke" about a divorce being
a good idea for a bride.

This was submitted to a site where the stories are meant to be entertaining--she didn't say this to the bride or her entourage.  It's certainly not out of character for some of the comments that are made on this board.
 
If your prospective groom has done the dirty with one of your bridesmaids and you think he might sleep with someone else, it stands to reason that your time would be better spent either not getting married in the first place or making sure you know a good lawyer.
 
There are just some things that have "bad idea" written all over them.

[Rosey]

Because she is trying to sell her a wedding dress.  It isn't normal for a bride to want to look bawdy or sleazy on her wedding day.  And if that is what she wants then she should be up front about it so that the salesperson can tell her that they don't have what she is looking for.
  
The point of the LW is mainly to communicate the outrageous reasoning behind what kind of dress this bride was looking for.

The only person who was rude was the one who dished about the groom.

I'm sorry, but I completely disagree. I think my biggest problem is the idea that the salesperson was so sure the shop couldn't possibly have anything she was looking for. The whole idea reeks of "Pretty Woman." I won't even consider the idea that the shop couldn't help the bride because the very idea of a bridal gown calls for fittings, adjustments, and so forth. It is entirely possible to make something more low cut if that is what the bride wants. Also, the letter writer is very open about the fact that she brought the bride "nicer" dresses (I believe that is the word she used).

It is not the salesperson's job to make the bride "normal." It is the salesperson's job to sell her a dress that fits what she wants. Bridal stores frequently only carry a small portion of what they have available. For example, it isn't "normal" to wear a full bridal gown in red, but Maggie Sottero makes them, and a huge percentage of bridal stores carry her gowns.

[DottyG]

Surprisingly enough, I don't find the comment all that particularly "entertaining." I find it rude and very inappropriate of the LW - regardless of where she attempted this "joke."

And, I reread the actual story. The bride merely asked for a lower-cut gown that showed cleavage. That's really not that unusual, if some of the dresses I've seen on brides lately is any indication. It doesn't say she wanted it cut to the navel. She wants to show a lot of cleavage. That's her right as the person buying the dress. The "bawdy" comment, if you'll notice, came from the LW. Which is, to be honest, yet another strike against her. She's quite a rude person in many ways.

The mother was, without a doubt, rude and crass. No argument there at all. But, that's the mother - not the bride.

  

[Audrey Quest]

Surprisingly enough, I don't find the comment all that particularly "entertaining." I find it rude and very inappropriate of the LW - regardless of where she attempted this "joke."

And, I reread the actual story. The bride merely asked for a lower-cut gown that showed cleavage. That's really not that unusual, if some of the dresses I've seen on brides lately is any indication. It doesn't say she wanted it cut to the navel. She wants to show a lot of cleavage. That's her right as the person buying the dress. The "bawdy" comment, if you'll notice, came from the LW. Which is, to be honest, yet another strike against her. She's quite a rude person in many ways.

The mother was, without a doubt, rude and crass. No argument there at all. But, that's the mother - not the bride.

How is it that there are "strikes" against the LW?
 
She had a story to tell and she told it.

You have no idea if she is a rude person or not!  All you know about her comes from a blurb written for ehell.

[Audrey Quest]

Because she is trying to sell her a wedding dress.  It isn't normal for a bride to want to look bawdy or sleazy on her wedding day.  And if that is what she wants then she should be up front about it so that the salesperson can tell her that they don't have what she is looking for.
  
The point of the LW is mainly to communicate the outrageous reasoning behind what kind of dress this bride was looking for.

The only person who was rude was the one who dished about the groom.

I'm sorry, but I completely disagree. I think my biggest problem is the idea that the salesperson was so sure the shop couldn't possibly have anything she was looking for. The whole idea reeks of "Pretty Woman." I won't even consider the idea that the shop couldn't help the bride because the very idea of a bridal gown calls for fittings, adjustments, and so forth. It is entirely possible to make something more low cut if that is what the bride wants. Also, the letter writer is very open about the fact that she brought the bride "nicer" dresses (I believe that is the word she used).

It is not the salesperson's job to make the bride "normal." It is the salesperson's job to sell her a dress that fits what she wants. Bridal stores frequently only carry a small portion of what they have available. For example, it isn't "normal" to wear a full bridal gown in red, but Maggie Sottero makes them, and a huge percentage of bridal stores carry her gowns.

In Pretty Woman, the salesperson didn't help the bride at all.
 
Are you completely ignoring the fact that the bride and her entourage had the run of the place?  The bride could have tried on any dress she wanted to but she couldn't find one that was low cut enough for her.

The story really isn't about her finding a dress--it's the demented reasoning behind it.

[DottyG]

Ok. Then, the letter she wrote to the site makes her sound like a very rude person!  If she's not truly rude, maybe she needs to learn not to appear so when she tells a story about herself.