Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

dispensing medical advise without a degree

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livluvlaf:
DH & I are expecting in September, and the whole world seems excited for us ... which is very encouraging. This is our first pregnancy, so it's all very new to us.

Except yesterday my neighbor gave DH such a scare! She advised him that she observed all the yard-work I've been helping him with over the weekend (we got so much done - Yay!) - that she was really worried for me since I really "overdid it". She went on to advise him that certain activities cause strain on my cervix and directly lead to miscarriage. (he recited that to me - he'd never have come up with that himself).

DH & I worked side by side doing this sort of work many times before ... he knows I've certainly slowed down my pace, make a conscious effort not to overexert myself, request his help to do activities I know are beyond my scope, keep myself cool & hydrated. I KNOW I didn't overexert myself - I was never out of breath or uncomfortable, and I didn't have a single sore muscle the following day (shoulders, back, arms) ... as I would have in previous years.

But DH forgot all of the above and returned home complete tizzy, angry that we had endangered our unborn child, scolding me for "overdoing it" and forbidding from helping him to do anything further around the yard. But I love to work outdoors and in the garden ... so at first I started to argue with him. But after a minute I decided to become more informed before trying to convince him I'd (we'd) done nothing wrong, I was ok to do moderate yard-work.

So I wrote to my doctor, outlining the activities we covered. She wrote back "ignore your neighbor - activities X, Y, Z are completely ok". I also contacted two close friends who each recently had children & have extensive experience landscaping, and asked them individually if they avoided any yard work activities while pregnant. They each laughed and said "nothing to worry about, just pace yourself & don't overdo it".

So last night I presented everything to DH, which he reviewed and it seemed to relax him. I then said many people are going to offer all sorts of advise about pregnancy & babies ... just because we're pregnant. Some of it will based on opinions rather than fact. We have to get used to taking it with a grain of salt, and shrugging it off until we can prove the information correct. I then said if anyone offers medical advise to him again ... please use the phase "thank you for your concern, but our doctor has it all under control".

It is taking every last ounce of willpower to refrain from contacting my neighbor and requesting she get her medical degree updated before she volunteers any further advice to DH about what's not good for my cervix! Is it wrong to speak to her about this ... or is it just the hormones talking?
 

jayhawk:
Fist - congrats to you and your husband on your pregnancy!  Sounds like you are getting great pre-natal care and doing everything you can to take care of yourself.

You're right - you'll get lots and lots AND LOTS of advice, whether you ask for it or not, so I'm giving you some more  :D, but, hey, you asked!

Let Nosy Neighbor's "advice" run off your back this time.  However, if she decides to tell you again what you should or should not do, you already have the words in your back-up, "thank you for your concern, but our doctor has it all under control."

Wittyone:
Congratulations on your pregnancy! 

You are going to receive a ton of unasked for advice, and a lot of it will be like this, based on outdated information and old wives tales.  But try to remember that people are usually giving out advice out of concern for you and for baby.  I think it will be a lot easier to just use your already prepared answer and let all the advice just roll off your back.  It isn't worth getting angry over, unless an individual gets extremely persistent and intrusive.  For some reason I fail to understand many people think pregnancy must involve the whole community, and they are excited for you.  Your answer is perfect.

Miss Bee:
FWIW - my next-door neighbor has five healthy kids and she did Jazzercise classes 4 days a week AND yardwork with all five of them.  I know, I did Jazzercise with her. 
That's inconsiderate of your neighbor to scare you like that - but I'd ignore her, her intentions were good, I guess.  If she says something again, just tell her your doctor says yardwork is fine. 
And congrats on your pregnancy! 

livluvlaf:
Thank you for your kind words ... It has helped to focus upon her caring intentions, rather than the result (which was to falsely alarm DH). We've turned it into a learning experience for us - how to handle such advice. But for some reason I remain annoyed that her information was completely false, and she didn't bother to qualify it with "My doctor advised ME to beware of X while I was expecting".

Anyhow ... trying to put it behind us, water under bridge. Onto next hurdle - MIL already bombarding us with baby furniture & clothing.

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