Author Topic: Thank You from Hell  (Read 7111 times)

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soetkin

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #15 on: May 14, 2010, 04:13:00 AM »
"Your generosity is noted"?? Yeah, that would have made me feel all warm and fuzzy...  :P

She could have just written, "Thank you for your generosity". Oy.
"Your generosity is noted" sounds very PA to me, as if it's being said with and eyeroll and a smirk.


Clara Bow

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #16 on: May 16, 2010, 10:18:15 AM »
I wonder if she wasn't trying to sound all Victorian-proper and hoity-toity and came up with "your generosity is noted". She probably thought that she sounded so correct and classy!

Instead she sounds like someone your old maid great-great aunts would hang out with.
I have finally found the bar I can't get thrown out of....

mechtilde

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2010, 01:15:08 PM »
PeterM, I'll give it a shot. not sure if it's the right answer tho:

The purpose of a shower is receiving presents
The purpose of a wedding is getting married.

At a shower, presents are the reason of the event. At a wedding, gifts are there to celebrate the event.

Am I getting it right? (showers are pretty much unheard of on this side of the pond, so it's a guess)

I can see that as a decent comparison of showers vs. weddings, yeah. I do think many, many, many people would disagree with the idea that a gift isn't really required for a wedding, but I'll agree that it's not quite the same level of requirement as a shower.

The specific discussion/argument I was thinking of when I posted that was about birthday parties, actually. Specifically, the custom in some European countries for the birthday boy/girl to invite friends out to dinner to celebrate their birthday. The host would pay for the dinner and no gifts were expected. This was declared to be tacky and wrong because an important etiquette rule is to basically never deliberately draw attention to or aggrandize yourself. Which sounds great until you remember that throwing your own wedding is considered perfectly acceptable, and those are generally more self-glorifying than taking a few friends out to dinner for your birthday. No one's ever explained the dichotomy to me, but that's a completely different topic that has nothing to do with this thread so I'll shut up now.

Personally, I find nothing wrong with inviting friends out when you have a birthday without expecting presents or for them to pay for you.  Especially if the birthday boy/girl is the host and paying for it.  But that's not exactly the topic, of course.

Basically, giving yourself a shower is more or less the same faux pas as including registry info in a wedding invitation--you're inviting people to give you presents.  This LW is incredibly disingenuous when she says she didn't expect gifts.  Actually, she's flatly contradicting herself.  I have little sympathy for her.

Different countries do things differently. One thing to bear in mind about organising your own birthday/engagement/housewarming party in the UK is that the gifts tend to be small token items and are not opened at the party, but afterwards. We don't have showers at all.

Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks...
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HollysCats

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #18 on: May 23, 2010, 02:26:14 AM »
"Thank you so very much for the (type of gift sent) you sent along for our new baby.  (Then a sentence or two follows about what I liked best about the gift or why it would be especially helpful/useful to us.)  We understand that you were unable to come to the shower due to (the reason the person said they could not make it), and it is kind of you to have sent along a present despite your not having been able to come to the shower.  Your generosity is noted, and your presence certainly was missed.  (and then there is either -- please extend our thanks or our regards to (the husband or some other family member whose name appears on the gift card) or please give us a call soon to come and visit anyway, we haven't' seen you in some time and would like to reconnect soon, (insert telephone number))."

The text that I've bolded rubs me the wrong way.  The wording, as well as the fact that she's apparently kept records of why each person said they couldn't attend, makes it seem as if she's saying that the person she's thanking should have been there, but she's excusing their absence.  She should have just sent the same kind of thank-you that she would have to someone who hadn't been invited to the shower but had sent a gift anyway.

Shortcake

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #19 on: May 24, 2010, 07:05:51 PM »
"Thank you so very much for the (type of gift sent) you sent along for our new baby.  (Then a sentence or two follows about what I liked best about the gift or why it would be especially helpful/useful to us.)  We understand that you were unable to come to the shower due to (the reason the person said they could not make it), and it is kind of you to have sent along a present despite your not having been able to come to the shower.  Your generosity is noted, and your presence certainly was missed.  (and then there is either -- please extend our thanks or our regards to (the husband or some other family member whose name appears on the gift card) or please give us a call soon to come and visit anyway, we haven't' seen you in some time and would like to reconnect soon, (insert telephone number))."

The text that I've bolded rubs me the wrong way.  The wording, as well as the fact that she's apparently kept records of why each person said they couldn't attend, makes it seem as if she's saying that the person she's thanking should have been there, but she's excusing their absence.  She should have just sent the same kind of thank-you that she would have to someone who hadn't been invited to the shower but had sent a gift anyway.

I agree. everyone should get the same kind of note. The way she wrote those note, made it seem like she was keeping score or trying to make the folks who couldn't come feel guilty.  She might not have meant it that way, but she comments on the person not being there three times. I could see where someone might interpret the note as a ploy to make them feeel guilty.
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Giggity

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Re: Thank You from Hell
« Reply #20 on: May 24, 2010, 07:15:11 PM »
I wonder if she wasn't trying to sound all Victorian-proper and hoity-toity and came up with "your generosity is noted". She probably thought that she sounded so correct and classy!

Instead she sounds like someone your old maid great-great aunts would hang out with.

Given family history, I'm not sure this one could keep up with Albertina Alaska.
Words mean things.