I loathe bad manners. That said, understand that I fully know that all guest invited to a bridal shower must be invited to the wedding to avoid the appearance of "fishing for gifts."
My mother's best friend, "Cathy," offered to throw me a bridal shower a couple of months before my wedding. I happily accepted, but from Day 1 informed my mother and she that my fiance and I were having a small wedding, with no more than 60- 70 people. We were very firm about this fact, particularly since my wedding was almost completely planned by the time the shower came around. We had a budget, venue, catering, flowers, everything already arranged for 60-70 guests. I provided Cathy with my guest list so she could invite all those invited to the wedding.
To Cathy and my mother's credit, the shower was beautiful. However, it was full of people I HAD NEVER MET. When I say full, I mean that there were 150 people in attendance, only 20 of whom I had invited to the wedding. I was horrified and terribly uncomfortable accepting gifts from people I had never seen before.
To make matters worse, many of these people expected to be invited to the wedding, mainly those who were my mother's and Cathy's friends, and some even asked why they had not received their wedding invitation! I could only sheepishly respond that we were having a very small wedding, and everyone there I'm sure figured that I was "fishing for gifts." I discussed this with Cathy and my mother, who both assured me that there was no such rule of etiquette that dictated that shower guests be invited to the wedding. Ugh.
So, I come off looking like the rudest person, but understand that there was no way I could turn my 70 person wedding into a 200 person affair!
Moral of the story: sometimes the appearance of rudeness is thrust upon the unwitting bride-to-be, so cut them some slack!
Okay, so this obviously a very embarrassing event, and it is one the bride tried to avoid. I wonder if she could have said something about this in her thank you notes? It would probably be rude to cast the fault onto the host and her mom, but it really was their fault . . . Also, as a potential gift giver, I would probably feel better knowing that at least it wasn't the intention of the recipient to receive all these gifts from people who were not even invited to the wedding.
Thoughts, ehellions? How could she solve this?