Lately I've been looking for a place to move out but with not so much luck thus far. Good news, I had my first house inspection tonight! Frankly, I would prefer if they were called interviews. I got grilled by these guys tonight.
After having a look around I was quite happy with the place. The room was nice, it would fit my over sized big person furniture and the rent was tolerable. Location was excellent, maybe five minutes drive by car including stopping for lights. I thought it too good to be true, alas it was!
The other tenants were one female grad student we'll call S, a male public servant called G and the son of the owner delightfully known as M. They were 26, 32 and 20 respectively. Things were going great until we sat down at their big glass table to discuss the rules and regulations of the house. I had a big nifty notepad ready to take notes and jot down the answers to all the pertinent questions I had - all written down to be easily remembered of course! As I whipped out the pen M and S had a chortle as G explained I wouldn't need all that. A little confuzzled I nodded and put the notepad away. The discussion went (memory serving) mostly like this. I’ve split it into the three main ‘discussions’ we had.
Got a girl there, slick?
G: Now we can tell you're pretty new at this share-housing thing.
Me: Yeah, this would be my first time out of home.
M: One thing we aren't big on is coupled people. Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: (slightly taken aback) Well yes, but we don't hang around home much. Probably I'd go over to hers rather than her coming here -
S: Is she pretty?
Me: (more taken aback) She's beautiful, what does that have to do with this?
G: We don't like people who are too over confident you know?
Me: I don't really get it, aren't we talking about me moving in?
M: Well yeah, but we're looking for a specific kind of personality, someone who will really mesh with the other housemates.
Me: ooookayy..(alarms bells are well and truly ringing) and what qualifies for that exactly?
S: Well, frankly M's parents are too cheap for a professional cleaner, and it's hard work doing this whole house. We want someone who will really help out around the house.
Me: But they shouldn't have a girlfriend?
G: We find that people with a boyfriend or girlfriend spend too much time making out and neglect the housework.
Me: Right. Well, I'm not like that. Frankly my girlfriend would cuff me over the head if I were.
M: That's great then! So you know the rent is x amount per week, paid at y intervals-
S: He doesn't know WHERE to pay M!
Me: Yeah, I had a couple questions about that, will it be paid to a 'house' account or directly to the owners?
M: The money comes to me.
Me: Umm, is that the usual thing to do?
M: I'm on the lease.
Me: I thought all of you were?
S: We are. But we're on the lease so you should be paying us, and we'll pay to the owners.
Nothing in writing, please.
Me: Ok, that's another thing I had questions about, am I going on the lease?
S, M, and G: *laughter*
Me: Heh, guess not then?
S: No! Of course not! *"playful" pat on my arm* There's a hierarchy here.
M: Yeah, obviously I'm the boss, because my parents own the house. Then S, she's been here longest, then G and then you.
G: And you're not on the lease.
Me: That's fine; I know that a lot of places have sharehouse agreements, as a written contract rather than have all tenants on the lease-
M: Yeah, we don't do that.
S: Basically we were thinking a verbal agreement, just between us. You pay x every y, and obviously do your share of work according to the hierarchy, and then maybe after a few months when you're past "probation" you can get a written contract.
Me: And I want to do that why? I'm not Cinderella, and I'm pretty sure I'm not that stupid.
G, M, and S: *utter shock*
I said my goodbyes, deflected S's hastily scrawled number and thanked them for the opportunity. From G's contemptuous glare it was obvious they knew I wasn't coming back! S downright creeped me out. Maybe getting into shape was a bad idea after all...