Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[KimChi]

Ok, my last job before I got to stay at home and watch The Boy (2 year old nephew, I've been watching him since he was 6 months), I worked for a retirement community in the front office. It was marketed as a 'hip', active place to spend your golden years but in reality, it should have been marketed as a nursing home. 95% of our residents had Alzheimer's, dementia, were wheelchair bound, etc. I absolutely loved the job and loved my residents but sometimes, I just couldn't help but laugh. I remember very clearly, there were two women, V and O. V was 95, wore high heels every day, very active woman, but could not hear worth a darn and would not wear her hearing aids. O was 98, wheelchair bound, and feisty as heck. She could, and would often, maneuver herself into one of our chairs from her wheelchair. V liked O and one day, she came up to O and sat in O's wheel chair. They proceeded to have this conversation...

V: How are you today?
O: You're in my chair!
V: *nods* Yes, yes, it is a nice day, isn't it?
O: What are you doing in my chair??
V:  *nods again* Yes, it is getting colder, isn't it?
O: Get outta my chair!
V: I think winter's coming soon.

Please note, O had a very loud voice and a thick Southern accent.

I sat in my office with our activity director listening to that conversation and we both ended up in tears from laughing so hard.

[Mental Magpie]

Ok, my last job before I got to stay at home and watch The Boy (2 year old nephew, I've been watching him since he was 6 months), I worked for a retirement community in the front office. It was marketed as a 'hip', active place to spend your golden years but in reality, it should have been marketed as a nursing home. 95% of our residents had Alzheimer's, dementia, were wheelchair bound, etc. I absolutely loved the job and loved my residents but sometimes, I just couldn't help but laugh. I remember very clearly, there were two women, V and O. V was 95, wore high heels every day, very active woman, but could not hear worth a darn and would not wear her hearing aids. O was 98, wheelchair bound, and feisty as heck. She could, and would often, maneuver herself into one of our chairs from her wheelchair. V liked O and one day, she came up to O and sat in O's wheel chair. They proceeded to have this conversation...

V: How are you today?
O: You're in my chair!
V: *nods* Yes, yes, it is a nice day, isn't it?
O: What are you doing in my chair??
V:  *nods again* Yes, it is getting colder, isn't it?
O: Get outta my chair!
V: I think winter's coming soon.

Please note, O had a very loud voice and a thick Southern accent.

I sat in my office with our activity director listening to that conversation and we both ended up in tears from laughing so hard.

That's just like in the movies!  I don't think I would have been able to not laugh either.

[EngineerChick]

When I first moved to Hawaii, I discovered dried coconut.  M-m-m-m, tasty.  I ate the whole bag in one afternoon.  I don't remember how big it was, but it was too much coconut.  Coconut can *bind* you up - seriously.  I did not die from eating a lot of coconut, but I wished I would for a day there.

Fresh coconut, on the other hand, has the opposite effect on me.  I stopped buying coconuts because I live alone and had no self control to just eat a little bit.

So that's where the "lime in the coconut" song came from! (...Oh, put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together, put the lime in the coconut and you'll feel better...)

Yeah, but don't actually do this, as the lime curdles the coconut, and it is vomitous. 

My maternal grandmother was feeling ill, and my dad convinced her to try this.  Yeah, it was pretty funny, but mostly in retrospect.

[kherbert05]

I giggled last night when I heard a brief yelp from DH as he was coming to bed.  He had just turned out the lights and was walking down the hall in the dark and noticed a disembodied, glowing cat collar strolling down the hall.  I didn't know what he had seen when the following conversation ensued:

 "Did you get one of the cats a new collar?"
"Yes, for Neko.  Why?"
"Does it glow in the dark?"
"Yes, and it reflects too.  I thought that it was a good idea for Invisikitty" (Neko is dark grey and almost invisible in a dark room)

He then explained what he had seen.  For a minute, he thought we were being haunted by a ghost kitty.

I frequently saw a ghost jogger on my way to work 10 years ago. You would see this outline of shirt, shorts (occasionally sweat pants), and shoes jogging down the road towards you at dawn long before you could see the actual person or clothes (light colored). He had reflective/glow in the dark tape as trim on his clothes. I wish everyone that jogs/walks/bikes in the dark would do that.

[kherbert05]

My Aunt had a stroke a while back. Her husband was just diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. He slipped into a coma Friday.


I called this morning to see if my Aunt and cousins were up for a visit. They said sure. I got over there, and my middle cousin started talking about the hospice people and police coming in the middle of the night. Uncle had passed away last night. They thought the oldest sister had called me and let me know. The three of us started cracking up.

[Diane AKA Traska]

My Aunt had a stroke a while back. Her husband was just diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. He slipped into a coma Friday.


I called this morning to see if my Aunt and cousins were up for a visit. They said sure. I got over there, and my middle cousin started talking about the hospice people and police coming in the middle of the night. Uncle had passed away last night. They thought the oldest sister had called me and let me know. The three of us started cracking up.

I'm sorry for your loss, but yeah, I can see the humor in the miscommunication.

[hobish]

On the way to visit Gish’s grandmom in the hospital I knew one of his aunts would be there and asked which one. He answered, “Aunt Betty … no, wait … Betty’s dead. If she’s there that’s a problem.”

[Thipu1]

This happened when I was a kid.  We had a very sly adult cat and a dumb, but lovable beagle puppy named Murphy. 

In our kitchen, there was a little nook between the fridge and a cabinet.  That's where the phone was and there was a chair up against the side of the fridge.  Dog treats were kept on top of the fridge. 

We went out one afternoon and returned to find dog treats all over the floor and Murphy sitting in the midst of them too stuffed to move.  We figured that the cat had used the chair to reach the top of the fridge and knock over the box of dog treats. 

Since beagles don't have much of an appestat, Murphy could have literally eaten himself to death.  it was a dangerous situation but we couldn't help laughing.

[vorbau]

A great great aunt of mine was killed by jack fruit

Did it fall on her or did she eat it?  How does jack fruit kill someone?  Was the jack fruit convicted of murder or involuntary manslaughter?

It is a bit of a family mystery.

Aunt Paraisina lived in quite an isolated farm, with her husband, who was generally disliked by the family. The story is that, one afternoon, she ate a lot of jack fruit. The next morning, she was dead. Since it was so isolated, there wasn't a local doctor or anything. Her father, who lived several hundred kilometers away, was livid and had his other daughter get on the next boat and bring Paraisina's children back, since he wasn't about to let the no-good husband bring up his grandchildren. Yes, he was quite a force to be reckoned with.

There are no records of the children's father putting up a fight to keep his children and he dropped out of the family history altogether. One of the sons is still alive and well.

The seeds are poisonous if swallowed, and the skin of all but mature fruit contain chemicals that make some people sick.

Yet another factoid I learned on my recent expedition. 

PS sycamore seed balls also make excellent itching powder if crushed up. Don't ask how I know this.

[GreenEyedHawk]

^^ Sorry, what's jack fruit?

[vorbau]

^^ Sorry, what's jack fruit?

The fruit of a tropical tree, Artocarpus heretophyllus, common in South and Southeast Asia. It's also found in Brazil, where it apparently was introduced in the 19th century and is now considered an invasive alien species.  It's part of the mulberry family. The mature fruit can reach 80lb (36kg). There are anecdotal reports of people being seriously injured and even killed by falling fruit. The flesh is starchy and fibrous and is a good source of dietary fiber (perhaps it pairs well with coconut?) and is said to taste something like a tart banana. You couldn't prove it by me. There is a type that produces sweet fruit, and the tart type is often canned in syrup. Allegedly the more mature the fruit, the sweeter. Maybe my sample was having an off day.

I take it back - the seeds are poisonous only if eaten raw. If boiled for about 30min, they're safe and taste something like sweetened condensed milk. The boiled seeds are also roasted and salted, and taste pretty good. I don't recommenc the jackfruit leather or the jackfruit chips. Most markets that stock Asian or Indian cooking ingredients stock at least the canned version.

[GreenEyedHawk]

Well.  Learn something new every day.  Thanks for the info!

[Reika]

A friend of mine, Jay, was telling me about a former coworker of his.

Apparently Essa (name changed to protect the innocent) has this thing about horror flicks. She loves seeing them, but will freak out while watching them, so she always has someone go with her. Not that it keeps her from freaking out, but Jay figures this way she has someone to call an ambulance if she has a really bad panic attack. And he has no idea why she keeps going to seeing this type of movie, but she does.

The first time he went to see a horror flick with her was Silent Hill. Another coworker of theirs, Redneck Jay (he called himself that to differentiate himself from my friend) went a long with them. When the ashbabies appeared for the first time Essa literally jumped out of her seat. Jay said he could see Redneck Jay in the other side of her under her butt. He said it was like something out of a cartoon.

There were a few other similar stories, but the one that got me laughing was the following:

They were at the last Resident Evil movie and it was the scene where one of the zombies with the three pronged mandibular mouth clamped on one of the survivors' head. Jay thought he was really going to have call an ambulance because she stopped breathing. Then she whispered "Sweet Baby Jesus" and started breathing again.

For some reason I thought that story was hysterical and laughed until I cried. He said that he's seen a lot of horror flicks with Essa, but he said no matter how bad it is, he's always guaranteed some sort of entertainment.

[exitzero]

^^ Sorry, what's jack fruit?

I take it back - the seeds are poisonous only if eaten raw. If boiled for about 30min, they're safe and taste something like sweetened condensed milk. The boiled seeds are also roasted and salted, and taste pretty good.

Things like that drive me crazy...how did they find that out? A punch of people die from eating the seeds. Someone says, "Ok, lets boil them for 10 minutes and see what happens." Nope, dead. "Ok, let's try 20 minutes" Nope, dead again. "30 minutes?" BINGO,  Let's all eat the seeds!

[Kaymyth]

^^ Sorry, what's jack fruit?

I take it back - the seeds are poisonous only if eaten raw. If boiled for about 30min, they're safe and taste something like sweetened condensed milk. The boiled seeds are also roasted and salted, and taste pretty good.

Things like that drive me crazy...how did they find that out? A punch of people die from eating the seeds. Someone says, "Ok, lets boil them for 10 minutes and see what happens." Nope, dead. "Ok, let's try 20 minutes" Nope, dead again. "30 minutes?" BINGO,  Let's all eat the seeds!

Perhaps it was something more like this:

Joe:  *nomnomnom*
Everyone Else:  "Nooo!  Joe!  Those are poisonous!"
Joe:  *puzzled*  "But....I feel fine.  These are tasty!"
Everyone else:  *stare*
Joe:  *shrug*

Hours pass, Joe is still alive and well.

Everyone:  "Dude, what did you do?"
Joe:  "Well, I boiled 'em for a half an hour.  I've never liked raw seeds."
Everyone:  *lightbulb*