Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[Onyx_TKD]

One of the 7 signs not to resuscitate the patient was decapitation. As the article put it:

Over the course of human history, patients suffering from decapitation have demonstrated a 100% mortality rate.

No, really?

Sadly, that had to be put in there, because someone tried to resuscitate a decapitated person.  Now, I'm giggling...

"Come on dude, I put your head back, you gotta breathe. You can do it, just breathe."

Well, the list basically was written as a guide for making (and rationally backing up) a key decision in a time-sensitive, stressful situation, so mentioning even some of the blatantly obvious reasons does make sense. Even when the reason is the patient's head not being attached or "removal of a vital bodily organ" (yes, that was also on the list  ). It's not really the concept of the sentence that makes me giggle as much as the wording.

If the person's head has been removed, I would say they had been decapitated. Or that they died of decapitation. Or maybe that they suffered decapitation. But "suffering from decapitation" (present tense) just isn't a wording that ever occurred to me. And then to be assured that this condition has a 100% mortality rate "over the course of human history"...Well, it's good to know. Otherwise I would have thought the modern doctors were holding out on us--the ancient Greeks could just pop peoples' heads back on and send them on their way with no ill effects, right? 

[Elfmama]

One of the 7 signs not to resuscitate the patient was decapitation. As the article put it:

Over the course of human history, patients suffering from decapitation have demonstrated a 100% mortality rate.

No, really?

Sadly, that had to be put in there, because someone tried to resuscitate a decapitated person.  Now, I'm giggling...

"Come on dude, I put your head back, you gotta breathe. You can do it, just breathe."

Well, the list basically was written as a guide for making (and rationally backing up) a key decision in a time-sensitive, stressful situation, so mentioning even some of the blatantly obvious reasons does make sense. Even when the reason is the patient's head not being attached or "removal of a vital bodily organ" (yes, that was also on the list  ). It's not really the concept of the sentence that makes me giggle as much as the wording.

If the person's head has been removed, I would say they had been decapitated. Or that they died of decapitation. Or maybe that they suffered decapitation. But "suffering from decapitation" (present tense) just isn't a wording that ever occurred to me. And then to be assured that this condition has a 100% mortality rate "over the course of human history"...Well, it's good to know. Otherwise I would have thought the modern doctors were holding out on us--the ancient Greeks could just pop peoples' heads back on and send them on their way with no ill effects, right? 

In the first Brother Cadfael book, there is mention of a saint who popped the head of a decapitated girl back on, and the girl went on to live for many years and become a saint in her turn.  But I think that was a one-off case.  (Actually, little old pagan Elfmama thinks it was just a legend.) 

[stitchygreyanonymouse]

One of the 7 signs not to resuscitate the patient was decapitation. As the article put it:

Over the course of human history, patients suffering from decapitation have demonstrated a 100% mortality rate.

No, really?

Sadly, that had to be put in there, because someone tried to resuscitate a decapitated person.  Now, I'm giggling...

"Come on dude, I put your head back, you gotta breathe. You can do it, just breathe."

Well, the list basically was written as a guide for making (and rationally backing up) a key decision in a time-sensitive, stressful situation, so mentioning even some of the blatantly obvious reasons does make sense. Even when the reason is the patient's head not being attached or "removal of a vital bodily organ" (yes, that was also on the list  ). It's not really the concept of the sentence that makes me giggle as much as the wording.

If the person's head has been removed, I would say they had been decapitated. Or that they died of decapitation. Or maybe that they suffered decapitation. But "suffering from decapitation" (present tense) just isn't a wording that ever occurred to me. And then to be assured that this condition has a 100% mortality rate "over the course of human history"...Well, it's good to know. Otherwise I would have thought the modern doctors were holding out on us--the ancient Greeks could just pop peoples' heads back on and send them on their way with no ill effects, right? 

Is anyone else picturing someone practicing, "when we arrived, the patient had suffered decapitation. Pupils were fixed and dilapidated…"

[White Dragon]

I remember my friend reading things from her nursing textbook.

Every now and again there would be a description of some obviously-deadly-thing, followed by the phrase "This condition is incompatible with life."

Really?

[violinp]

Background: I was reading an online discussion about someone who had refused to perform CPR on a person suffering cardiac arrest, which led to a discussion of when one should not start CPR, e.g., when there is a DNR order, etc. One poster provided a link to an article called "7 Signs That Say 'Do Not Resuscitate'" (Warning to anyone inclined to search for it: article includes a photo of a dead body).

One of the 7 signs not to resuscitate the patient was decapitation. As the article put it:

Over the course of human history, patients suffering from decapitation have demonstrated a 100% mortality rate.

No, really?

Nearly - Headless Nick would like to have a word with those people. Granted, he's in the afterlife, but he's still alive! 

[Ms_Cellany]

One of my favorite apocryphal court exchanges:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

(p.s. I looked up the "7 Signs That Say 'Do Not Resuscitate."  The photo shows the back of a body, from bum to neck; not more gruesome than that.  Article is indeed funny.)

[mmswm]

I really shouldn't laugh at my child.  I know it's not nice, but when he falls over for the second time in two days because he's trying to do wheelie tricks in his wheelchair (and isn't hurt), I just can't help it.

[Ms_Cellany]

I really shouldn't laugh at my child.  I know it's not nice, but when he falls over for the second time in two days because he's trying to do wheelie tricks in his wheelchair (and isn't hurt), I just can't help it.

He's got a future in Murderball!

[Piratelvr1121]

One of my favorite apocryphal court exchanges:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

(p.s. I looked up the "7 Signs That Say 'Do Not Resuscitate."  The photo shows the back of a body, from bum to neck; not more gruesome than that.  Article is indeed funny.)

That is hilarious!!!!

[Elfmama]

Background: I was reading an online discussion about someone who had refused to perform CPR on a person suffering cardiac arrest, which led to a discussion of when one should not start CPR, e.g., when there is a DNR order, etc. One poster provided a link to an article called "7 Signs That Say 'Do Not Resuscitate'" (Warning to anyone inclined to search for it: article includes a photo of a dead body).

One of the 7 signs not to resuscitate the patient was decapitation. As the article put it:

Over the course of human history, patients suffering from decapitation have demonstrated a 100% mortality rate.

No, really?

Nearly - Headless Nick would like to have a word with those people. Granted, he's in the afterlife, but he's still alive! 

And there's always Mike the Headless Chicken!

[Slartibartfast]

I was at the grocery store today and one of the things I bought was a dog toy - one of those indestructible ones you can put treats in.  The cashier commented on it, then was trying to tell me about some name-brand toy she got for her dog and how great it was.  Except she couldn't remember the brand "Kong," so she kept calling it a "Dong."  There wasn't really a good way for me to correct her without sounding rude, but the idea of a dog chewing on a "dong" is perhaps not quite what she meant    (Dong is slang for part of the male genitalia - not sure if that's an Americanism or not!)

[Ms_Cellany]

I was at the grocery store today and one of the things I bought was a dog toy - one of those indestructible ones you can put treats in.  The cashier commented on it, then was trying to tell me about some name-brand toy she got for her dog and how great it was.  Except she couldn't remember the brand "Kong," so she kept calling it a "Dong."  There wasn't really a good way for me to correct her without sounding rude, but the idea of a dog chewing on a "dong" is perhaps not quite what she meant    (Dong is slang for part of the male genitalia - not sure if that's an Americanism or not!)

Maybe she meant Bully Sticks? (Made from a very intimate part of a bull)

[Slartibartfast]

I was at the grocery store today and one of the things I bought was a dog toy - one of those indestructible ones you can put treats in.  The cashier commented on it, then was trying to tell me about some name-brand toy she got for her dog and how great it was.  Except she couldn't remember the brand "Kong," so she kept calling it a "Dong."  There wasn't really a good way for me to correct her without sounding rude, but the idea of a dog chewing on a "dong" is perhaps not quite what she meant    (Dong is slang for part of the male genitalia - not sure if that's an Americanism or not!)

Maybe she meant Bully Sticks? (Made from a very intimate part of a bull)

No, she was describing a Kong toy (very durable and chew-proof - I was buying a knockoff brand).  She just clearly didn't connect the word "dong" with any other meanings . . .

[Piratelvr1121]

Today the boys and I went to the park since they had an early dismissal from school.  As we were walking around the small lake, the boys got ahead of me and suddenly my middle child started yelling at a group of ducks, hissing, screaming, trying to scare them.  I yelled at him to stop as I hurried to catch up.

He said "But Mom, they're attacking another duck!  They're picking on this duck and I'm trying to get them to leave it alone!" I got closer and at first glance it did look like they were harassing another duck as one mallard had another duck's brown neck in its beak. 

And then I took another look...and realized that the mallard was on top of this other duck and that's why we could really only see the head of the bottom duck and I realized what my innocent child took to be "attacking" was really "mating".  I told him that's what his head and his facial expression changed from a combination of worry and outrage to blushing and giggling.

[Thipu1]

The four-year-old son of a relative had surgery this week to repair a small hernia with which he was born. The surgery was through the belly-button.    To determine how he was doing after surgery,  the boy was shown a variety of faces and asked to point to the one that best described how he felt.   

At the beginning, he pointed to the saddest face.  That led to medication and another day in the hospital.   It didn't take him long to figure out that he could go home earlier if he started pointing to happier faces.  That's exactly what he did.

I know we shouldn't laugh about the surgery of a child but the little guy knew how to work the system.  He's now home, on reduced medication and doing just fine.

You have to laugh with and applaud a kid that age with that sort of reasoning skills.