Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[Ferrets]

Kimblee, I laughed. (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."

[DangerMouth]

Kimblee, I laughed. (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."

Bwahahaha!

I had a buddy whose mom lost the tip of her middle finger from an infected hangnail. But if you asked him, he'd tell you "Oh, she flipped off some bikers one day..."

[bookworm317]

Kimblee, I laughed. (And bless LadyTwo for sticking up for Boy, misguided as her attempt was!)

=====

BG: Crowded pub. Some friends and I ended up sitting with, and chatting to, a couple we vaguely knew: 'John' and 'Becky'.

John, some years before, had his left leg amputated below the knee after a particularly nasty motorbike crash. He gets around with a stick and prosthetic leg, and chats quite readily about it.

Becky is the most tedious conversationalist in the entire world. The monologuing-on-pet-subjects, word-in-edgeways-blocking, verbal equivalent of a slow-motion tank - ponderous, relentless, and instilling in bystanders the urgent wish to run far, far away as quickly as possible...

I got stuck talking with Becky. By "talking with", I mean "spending two hours politely nodding and smiling at". A very long two hours.

Exchange after John and Becky had said their goodbyes and departed:

Friend: "Hey, how did John say he lost his leg, again?"

Me: "Probably chewed it off to escape..."

This is TOTALLY off topic(probably), but Becky reminds me of Pip(voiced by Ben Stein) from Animaniacs.

[M-theory]

This happened in 2005 when I was visiting Dallas. A friend and I were in his living room watching one of the many tornado footage shows that pop up in spring. The footage being shown at the time was of a tornado in a residential neighbourhood. It was heading right towards the cameraman and his house, then turned on a dime and destroyed his neighbour's house instead.

Me: "I hate it when tornadoes play ding dong ditch, don't you?"

[zyrs]

Years ago there was a murder in my hometown.  The murderer disposed of the body in a black plastic trash bag in a large store's dumpster.

The next day an environmentally conscious couple took their children recycling.

While I am fully aware of the horror that is inherent in this situation, I do laugh about the possibility that the children have grown up to throw their Styrofoam cups out the windows of their Humvees.

Yes, I have a sick sense of humor.

[M-theory]

I was woken up early today by acid reflux. While waiting for the Pepcid to kick in, I was watching random cute animal videos on YouTube. One of them featured a puppy howling.

Yeah, my foster cat's tail stayed puffed up to about three times its normal size for a good hour afterwards. I feel bad because she was feral and probably had a bad experience or eleven, but it was still funny!

[klynett]

Have you guys seen the Robert Munsch book "Zoom!"? http://www.amazon.ca/Zoom-Robert-Munsch/dp/0779114329

It is about a little girl who wants a faster wheelchair, with similar results. It is hilarious!

This looks seriously awesome! I just shared this on FB. I have a number of friends who would appreciate this!

[hobish]

Years ago there was a murder in my hometown.  The murderer disposed of the body in a black plastic trash bag in a large store's dumpster.

The next day an environmentally conscious couple took their children recycling.

While I am fully aware of the horror that is inherent in this situation, I do laugh about the possibility that the children have grown up to throw their Styrofoam cups out the windows of their Humvees.

Yes, I have a sick sense of humor.

That made me giggle out loud.

[ShieldMaiden]

My horrible exBF's father (let's call him Joe) was born missing part of his right arm, just below the elbow.  One time exBF's roomate Liam was joking around with Joe about the mess that exBF leaves around their shared apartment.

Liam:  He's just so disgusting!
Joe:  Tell me about it!
Liam:  Man, I'd give my right arm for him to just to wash his dishes! *cue extremely horrified look as he realized what he just said*
Joe:  *completely deadpan and waves his stump*  I already did!  It didn't work!

Cue everyone in the room busting out laughing.  Poor Liam looked like he wanted to fall through the floor he was so horrified.

[Elfqueen13]

My horrible exBF's father (let's call him Joe) was born missing part of his right arm, just below the elbow.  One time exBF's roomate Liam was joking around with Joe about the mess that exBF leaves around their shared apartment.

Liam:  He's just so disgusting!
Joe:  Tell me about it!
Liam:  Man, I'd give my right arm for him to just to wash his dishes! *cue extremely horrified look as he realized what he just said*
Joe:  *completely deadpan and waves his stump*  I already did!  It didn't work!

Cue everyone in the room busting out laughing.  Poor Liam looked like he wanted to fall through the floor he was so horrified.

That was inspired!  I wonder how long Joe had been waiting for someone to use the "I'd give my right arm" comment in front of him so he could respond like that?

[Kimblee]

New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown.... 

[Shea]

New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown.... 

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal .

[Giggity]

EPIC!!!!!

[Ms_Cellany]

When my cousin's kid was born, I was braggin' around the office. A co-worker says "well, at least he has 10 fingers and 10 toes?"

In slow motion and in full appreciation of the gift I had been given, I said:

"Nope. 12 toes."

--------------
ETA that the toe count was 100% true.

[StarDrifter]

When my cousin's kid was born, I was braggin' around the office. A co-worker says "well, at least he has 10 fingers and 10 toes?"

In slow motion and in full appreciation of the gift I have been given, I said:

"Nope. 12 toes."

WIN!! Ms_Cellany WINS THE THREAD!!!