Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[Seraphia]

New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown.... 

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal .

I work there. I laughed too. (Also, bladder cancer is yellow.)

[Kimblee]

New one:

I went to sally's beauty for a new nail polish and nmoticed a series called "Colors of Hope" commemorating cancers. So i decided to get one for colon cancer, since that's what claimed my mama.

Colon Cancer's "color" is brown.... 

Whoever thought up that line of colors is waaaaaaaaaaay too literal .

I work there. I laughed too. (Also, bladder cancer is yellow.)

CRUD MONKEYS!, I didn't notice that.

How funny.

[SamInTheShadows]

The members of my favourite band, Type O Negative, are notorious for their sick sense of humour, specifically frontman Peter Steele. Now, in his younger years he posed for Playgirl magazine, something he later regretted. When he died last April, the Type O forums were flooded with messages. A couple of quips were made (mostly relating to titles of their songs ("Dead Again", "Everything Dies", etc) but the overall mood was of anger, shock and sadness.

One of their crew, who is just as bad as the band when it comes to black humour, posted a day or two after the news broke in a thread called something like: "This is all I have to say..."

The thread contained no text and consisted entirely of one of the infamous Playgirl pictures... x100...

The board was unanimous that it was the perfect memorial thread.

[vorbau]

I think this fits here better than the "Don't Do That" thread, besides which I didn't want to derail the discussion of celebrity underpants.

My squad got called to yet another suicide this morning (as you may have heard elsewhere, military suicides are at an all time high, and my agency is required to investigate any unattended death, regardless of cause). This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

My first comment when we arrived at the scene? Not "oh, how tragic" or even "get the tape up and start taking pictures," but "how rude! Didn't he think about who was going to have to clean all this up?"

My deputy Mickey's response was "I think I'm going to write a book." I asked, "About why we've have so many suicides?" "No. 'Suicide: Getting It Right the First Time."

I laughed so hard I cried.

[Elfqueen13]

I think this fits here better than the "Don't Do That" thread, besides which I didn't want to derail the discussion of celebrity underpants.

My squad got called to yet another suicide this morning (as you may have heard elsewhere, military suicides are at an all time high, and my agency is required to investigate any unattended death, regardless of cause). This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

My first comment when we arrived at the scene? Not "oh, how tragic" or even "get the tape up and start taking pictures," but "how rude! Didn't he think about who was going to have to clean all this up?"

My deputy Mickey's response was "I think I'm going to write a book." I asked, "About why we've have so many suicides?" "No. 'Suicide: Getting It Right the First Time."

I laughed so hard I cried.

I think a dark sense of humor is essential in a job like yours.

I have a coworker who is writing a book called "You Can't Stop Stupid".  I periodically send him chapter title suggestions.

[lilfox]

This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

Er, wow, that is some dedication to a goal.  I'd give up after two failed attempts to pull out a splinter.   

[vorbau]

This one was especially bad because the victim had a record of previous suicide attempts, and this time had shot himself twice before the third, fatal shot.

Er, wow, that is some dedication to a goal.  I'd give up after two failed attempts to pull out a splinter.  

Yeah, he was a lousy shot. The first shot just barely skimmed the side of his head, and the second skimmed the *other* side of his head.

And I have a new one. This is the sister of Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming and yet another daily activity to worry about: personal grooming.

I knew my early start on an undisturbed weekend (I left work at noon on Fri, and I've worked at least part of every weekend and/or holiday since July 1) was too good to last, and I was right: I got called out at 1am Saturday morning. I've been up ever since, and I am so far beyond professionally punch-drunk that simile fails me. So you can imagine my reaction to this one ...

Young woman fails to report for duty as scheduled 8pm Friday night. Supervisor calls repeatedly, then per SOP sends someone to her off-base apartment. Coworker knocks, gets no answer, gets the night security guard to let him in. They find the young woman deceased in her bathroom, apparently in the process of doing her hair.

ME concludes that she was extremely drunk (initial BAC was somewhere in the neighborhood of .25 - .28, or at least four times this state's legal limit). She apparently got tangled in the cord of either her blowdryer, or her electric brush (not sure what to call it exactly - it's like a blowdryer, but with a brush attachment at the end), and while trying to get untangled, slipped on the wet bathroom floor and hit her head hard on the edge of the bathroom counter. This, and/or the alcohol, knocked her unconscious and prevented her calling for help. ME found a fairly large depressed skull fracture and anticipates finding a big subdural hemorrhage on post. As well as a hefty final BAC.

So ... you know you have duty (showing up drunk for duty can be a court-martial offense), yet you get knee-walkin' drunk, get ready for work, and end up killing yourself with your blowdryer.

We're leaning toward calling this one "Sisters Against Drunk Hairstyling."

[Kendo_Bunny]

It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.

[vorbau]

It's well-known in my circle that I'm a recovering bulimic. I am also known for being the most cynical in the group, and probably the most sarcastic and dark-humored. And for one more piece of back story, it is known that my stepmother is emotionally abusive towards me, and contributed heavily to my bulimia.

One day, my friends decided that they were going to throw a Cheer Up Kendo party, spur of the moment, because I had been talking to one about how bad my ED had been lately and how unsupportive my stepmother was being. When I came in, they pounced on me with a box of Happy Bunny stickers and began sticking them all over me. Until they got to the last in the box and realized that they had just stuck a big sticker on me that said 'Excuse me, you made me throw up a little'.

We all laughed like lunatics at that one.

With an attitude like that, you'll conquer not only your ED but the world. You can work my homicide team any time.

[kitty-cat]

Backstory to mine- I go to a small-medium sized uni that, while we are Division 1 for sports, we still do not have a football team.

When I went on campus tours 2 years ago, the whole "once the school size is stabalized we can look about a football team" thing was mentioned.

I walked past a tour group today-and heard the "football team" spiel again. I snorted while walking past.

We'll get a football team when we get Greek Housing. And the housing is "only 5 years away"

[siamesecat2965]

I have a couple relating to my dad's death and one to my best friends dad's funeral.  I have a very warped, black sense of humor, and find funny things others may not.  My dad was the same way.  Mom and I were at the funeral home, making arrangements for Dad to be cremated, and the funeral director was showing us all the different types of "containers" one could have their loved ones cremated in.  ranging from a cardboard box to a fancy, ornate casket.  He then left mom and I alone to chat and figure out what we wanted.  I started laughing at the cardboard box and joked that dad would NOT find that acceptable....add to that the fact the name of the funeral home was Bucktrout.  Which had me in fits of giggles.

the second was the day we had a "celebration of life" aka party for my dad.  The morning of, this HUGE turkey vulture landed on the railing of the deck.  I had never seen one there, and haven't since.  I'm convinced it was my dad, coming back to make sure the party was up to his standards!

And with my friend's dad - I don't know all the details, but if you are having someone cremated, and also having a viewing, you can "rent" a casket for the viewing.  So that's what they did for her dad, and the funeral home was owned by someone her parents knew and had gone to school with, and was in an older house.  when it came time to bring her dad out in the casket, it would not fit out the door, so the staff was scrambling and finally took it out through  a window!  The staff was horrifiedd but my friend and her siblings were trying not to crack up as they all said their dad was up there having a good laugh at them all down below!  I also laughed like a loon when she told me...

[hermanne]

My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

*snerk*
Maybe a little of both?  (I wasn't a Barbie fan either)

[Samantha]

My SIL (not a Barbie fan) posted a pic on FB: her just-turned-5 year old DD had hung her naked Barbie from the bed with a yo-yo string.
SIL asks, "Should I be concerned...or proud?!"

*snerk*
Maybe a little of both?  (I wasn't a Barbie fan either)

Heck, I WAS a fan of Barbie (at one point, I had over 200 of the darn things, all of them in varying stages of undress, much to Grandma's frustration!), and I STILL managed to hang her from the ceiling fan (and turn it on!). I think she was supposed to be skydiving that day. That, or maybe a superhero....

[tnpenguinbaby]

F was trying to decide what tattoo she wanted and where (note: F is a busty gal and has nursed 3 kids).  I piped up and said "Oh, F! You should get the titanic tattooed across your chest so we can watch it sink!"

My friend (also 'gifted' in the mammary area) was getting a dagger tattooed on her breast.  The artist mentioned something along the lines of "you know this may......distort.....later in life?"  To which she responded "Yep - by the time I'm a little old lady in the nursing home I'll have Excalibur"  Took him 20 minutes before he could continue the tattoo