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Author Topic: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.  (Read 863992 times)

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Tashigi

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #750 on: August 03, 2011, 01:32:33 AM »
My ex-boyfriend swore he witnessed this scene:
Picture a pet store. Picture a cute-as-a-button little girl. She goes over to the rabbits and eyes them intently. An employee comes over to help her. "What kind of rabbit do you want? Here's one with lop ears and here's a dwarf. What color do you like? This one looks really cute!"

The little girl tilts her head this way. She pauses and then says, "I don't think my snake really cares."

Luci

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #751 on: August 03, 2011, 02:14:29 AM »
My ex-boyfriend swore he witnessed this scene:
Picture a pet store. Picture a cute-as-a-button little girl. She goes over to the rabbits and eyes them intently. An employee comes over to help her. "What kind of rabbit do you want? Here's one with lop ears and here's a dwarf. What color do you like? This one looks really cute!"

The little girl tilts her head this way. She pauses and then says, "I don't think my snake really cares."

I've heard the story except, "I don't think my snake gives a (poop)." Ex boyfriend? It's still a good story.

ettiquit

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #752 on: August 03, 2011, 01:30:45 PM »
I have two.  In the first I inadvertently caused the inappropriate laughter, and in the second I was laughing inappropriately.

#1 - I was in high school, and one of my grandmothers passed away.  We were at the funeral home for the viewing and I spotted a piano in the corner.  I had started teaching myself to play not too long ago and without thinking offered to play the song I was currently working on.  So what I said to my brother, parents, and cousins was "Ooh, a piano!  I could go play "Cold as Ice" (Foreigner)!".  They all just sort of gaped at me and the started laughing.  It still comes up occasionally.


#2 - The DH of a good friend of mine has a prosthetic leg (below the knee), and they were going through a difficult time financially.  We were on the phone and she was updating me on their situation and said "Well, DH did have a job interview lined for today, but he had to cancel it because his leg's in the shop."

I lost it.  Thankfully, so did she.

wendelenn

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #753 on: August 07, 2011, 03:36:30 PM »
Singer Nicki Minaj had a wardrobe malfunction with the top portion of her outfit while performing on Good Morning America.

I know it's not really funny, but I had to laugh at the title of the song she was performing at the time:

"Where Dem Girls At"

(I think viewers found out the answer!)
"I don't mean to be rude", he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

"--yet sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.  "Best to say nothing at all."

White Dragon

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #754 on: August 10, 2011, 07:05:43 PM »
I heard another story from Gary a few days ago.

Gary is a contractor who works for a highway maintenance company. One of the jobs his company does is to maintain the port-a-potties at jobsites.

So Gary sends a truck out to service a site. The driver uncoils the vacuum hose, places it in the resevoir and engages the suction.
Now, port-a-potties are difficult to clean out. The material being removed is not consistent in texture and the hose jumps and wiggles a bit as the material passes through.
Accordingly, the driver made sure he had a firm, yet flexible grip on the hose before proceeding. He was braced against the inevitable shakes and tremors.
He was not, however, braced against the notion that Something inside the port-a-potty resevoir would be pulling on the hose.

Driver pulled.
Somenting pulled back.
Driver - surely a bit paler now - pulled some more.
Something pulled back harder.

At this point, the driver called Gary to report a possessed port-a-potty.
Gary walked him through some troubleshooting steps, thinking the problem was mechanical.

Nope. Something was in that port-a-potty and It.Wanted.That.Hose.
Driver shut off the vacuum and stepped away from the hose. Far away from the hose.

Meanwhile, back in the outhouse...

A poor creature (species unknown) had managed to fall into the port-a-potty. No one knows how long the poor thing had been there, staring up at the moon(s) as they came and went.
Finally, for the poor creature, in what must have seened like manna from above, a tube was lowered into its prison.
So it tried to climb up.
But as it grabbed and tried to grip the heaven-sent tube, Something kept pulling the tube away.
So the creature tried harder.
And the tube pulled away harder. The lifeline was disappearing!

Finally, after what was surely the smelliest eternity a creature has experienced, the noise stopped, the hose was still and the creature was able to climb out to safety.

All the driver saw was a poor, bedraggled, very soiled - and yet relieved - critter bolt out of the port-a-potty and back into the woods.

Department of Highways. Exorcising and sanitizing port-a-potties everywhere for your safety and convenience!
"I think her scattergun was only loaded with commas and full-stops, although some of them cuddled together for warmth and produced little baby colons and semi-colons." ~ Margo


twiggy

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #755 on: August 12, 2011, 07:45:41 AM »
I wasn't there for this, but it is one of those family stories that gets told and retold. About 10 years ago, my uncle was battling cancer. He was in the ICU, and everyone knew it was just a matter of time. Well, time ran out. Aunt was devastated, and her sisters and mom were there for moral support. Meanwhile, Uncle's parents were racing in from out of town. They were in the air when Uncle passed, but the hospital staff said there wasn't a rush, and that Uncle's body could stay in the room until his parents got there. As you can imagine, it was pretty quiet and somber in that room.
Well, apparently there was a shift change or something bc a cheerful new doctor came into the room and addressed Uncle. Now, at this point, Uncle wasn't hooked up to any of the monitors, IVs, tubes, intubation, nothing. Cheerful Doctor glances at the chart, then leans over the bed and asks "So how are you today Mr. Uncle?"....no response....then, to Aunt: "Well, we'll let him get back to rest, I just need to ask a few questions." Aunt didn't know how to respond, but Sis. 4 looked at the doctor and blurted out "ummm, he's dead" At which point the Doctor looked more carefully at the chart, apologized profusely, and quickly exited the room. From what I hear, they all looked at each other in stunned silence for a moment then burst out laughing. Aunt says she wasn't sure what Doctor expected, but if Uncle answered, she was going to call the Priest back.
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #756 on: August 12, 2011, 08:38:40 AM »
Twiggy, that's hilarious!
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Luci

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #757 on: August 12, 2011, 09:35:43 AM »
Twiggy wins! I am printing that one!

ettiquit

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #758 on: August 12, 2011, 04:11:16 PM »
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.

twiggy

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #759 on: August 12, 2011, 04:39:46 PM »
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.

from what I understand, the doctor was pretty traumatized. I think he was Japanese, but I'm not sure on that one. According to my mom, the poor man literally "bowed out" of the room, apologizing. After that, my aunts and mom spent the next hour or so (waiting for Uncle's parents) asking Uncle random, silly questions and laughing. Such as, "oh Uncle, are you cold, let me get you another blanket"
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #760 on: August 12, 2011, 04:58:44 PM »
What would have made Twiggy's story perfect is if the doctor had stayed and laughed with the family.

from what I understand, the doctor was pretty traumatized. I think he was Japanese, but I'm not sure on that one. According to my mom, the poor man literally "bowed out" of the room, apologizing. After that, my aunts and mom spent the next hour or so (waiting for Uncle's parents) asking Uncle random, silly questions and laughing. Such as, "oh Uncle, are you cold, let me get you another blanket"

I love your aunts and mom.
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #761 on: August 17, 2011, 11:32:00 AM »
Had an incident at the dr's office yesterday.   Since they're not really doing much at my appointments these days aside from measuring the stomach and asking how I'm doing, I didn't worry about finding anyone to take the boys along with me, so I did.

We're sitting there in the exam room after the assistant left and before the midwife enters and Pirateboy2 notices a small plastic tray with some *ahem* contraceptives inside and a sign saying "FREE" on the side of the tray.  Now the boys are 10 and nearly 9 and they have already had "the talk" so they know how babies are made.   The conversation goes as such.

PB2: Mom, what are those?
Me: *blush* Well, you know how babies are made, right?
PB1 & 2: *blushing* Yeah...
Me: Well...if a man and women are doing that but they don't want to make a baby, the man wears one of those and it prevents this. *I point to my own belly.*
PB2: But...where does he put it?
Me: Where do you think it goes?
PB2: *Looks down at his lap and blushes.* Oh...yeah...ewww...

And that was when the midwife walks in and sees that we were having an awkward conversation so I told her what we'd been talking about and she asked the boys what they'd learned about the free items.  PB2 is blushing too much to talk but PB1 is able to explain it while still blushing a bit. 

I told DH later and the two of us cracked up.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #762 on: August 17, 2011, 12:18:35 PM »
Pirate, that is hysterical.  (And really good parenting, in this non-parent's opinion.)
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #763 on: August 17, 2011, 01:36:53 PM »
Pirate, that is hysterical.  (And really good parenting, in this non-parent's opinion.)

Thanks! Hopefully they won't have any more need of those for another 10 years at least but at least they know what they're for! LOL!
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Sebastienne

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #764 on: August 17, 2011, 03:19:24 PM »
Pirate--awesome, in many ways.

The charity solicitors thread reminded me of this one.  There was a heavily trafficked area of my university that you couldn't walk through without having at least flyers for various causes/events shoved in your hand.  At one point, when I was walking with my friend L, the following exchange occurred:

Earnest Young Man, blocking our path: Do you want the genocide in Darfur to end?!
L: No! (keeps walking)
Me: So, L, you're saying you're pro-genocide?

It was a good turn of phrase on EYM's part, actually.  Because who wants to admit that they're genocide lovers?