Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[LadyClaire]

Vorbau, you just reminded me of when my cousin commited suicide, only it wasn't neat, there were blood and brains everywhere, wall, ceiling, floor. It was Easter Sunday morning, and for some reason it never occurred to my aunt to get one of those bio-cleaning services in. My cousins and I all trooped downstairs with mops and buckets to clean it up.

I can't even remember the jokes we told that day, aside from "he lost his mind- all over the ceiling", but they were many, and baaad, and we laughed ourselves sick.

I love my cousins on my dad's side, we're all twisted in the same way.

DangerMouth - I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm so glad you were able to laugh, both at the time and at my post! I hesitated a long time before posting because I didn't want to offend anyone, but I figured, hey, this is for people who *don't* get offended when most others do.  

My former partner (the one who was singing dirty lyrics during a funeral), W3, started a "bio-recovery" business when he retired. He cleans mostly crime scenes and other grossness (abandoned squats, hoarders, flooded/moldy buildings). You'd love him. He once referred to a scene he cleaned as "the electric slide" (guy took his alarm clock, cut the cord in half, taped each cut end to his chest, and plugged it back in).

We refer to fatal MVA (motor vehicle accidents) as "DRT" (Dead Right There). Once W3 and I had to respond to a motorcycle vs. locomotive accident scene; it wasn't pretty, as the victim was, well, in pieces. W4 called it "DRTTT" meaning "Dead Right There, There and There."   I miss him.

Then there was the accidental death we dubbed "Mothers Against Drunk Vacuuming..."

I have a book called "Aftermath, Inc" about the guys who clean up crime scenes after the CSIs are done with them. It's...fascinating, and not for the faint-of-stomach.

[kingsrings]

A couple of times growing up, I’ve found the sound of kid’s crying humorous. Like my cousin – every time he would cry, he would let out this really weird, ascending-siren-sounding noise that just sounded so strange I would find it funny.
And another time when I had a stay in the children’s ward of a hospital, there was this other kid there whom I could hear in the next room who was crying, and it was also a humorous-sounding crying noise. What a bad kid I was for thinking some kids’ crying was humorous…. 

[Kimblee]

At Wal-Mart today I was sitting on the benches waiting for m dad to finish when a caretaker pushed a wheelchair out with a young man (maybe 20?) in it, who was physically disabled, although that's all i really know. And he has maybe six cheerleaders from the local university gathered around him giggling and chatting with him. A pair of boys came out, muttering about "r-words" and why he was in public, and I hid a scowl in a magazine, but then burst out laughing.

When the man in the wheelchair informed one of the cheerleaders that "They're jealous... i get all the girls."

I hate myself, but I'm still laughing now.

[Jolie_kitten]

*Warning: although it's about a purely fictional/artistic act, it contains elements (in yellow) that may be a trigger (also strong language)*

I'm directing a play (that I also wrote) for the theatre group of my college. I was in a pub/café (outdoor tables) yesterday with 3 actors from our team, having a drink.
They were:
B.- plays the role of a Romanian woman married to a Gipsy man, who decides to leave Romania together with her husband, frustrated with people's prejudices against Gypsies.
N.- plays the role of a victim of human trafficking. Her character has been abused into forced prostitution.
A.- plays the role of an idealistic Englishman who is in love with N's character and travels to Romania hoping to find her and help her recover from her trauma.

We were discussing the play/characters- debating mainly N's monologue in which she tells her character's story. B's idea of how it should be interpreted was quite different from N's- so in order to exemplify how she sees it, she starts reading/interpreting it.
There was a certain-very emotionally intense- line in the monologue: "I have been a wh0r3! A wh0r3! Do you know how much this word hurts? Do you? "

Now...what would you have thought if you walked past someone's table in a café and just hear a someone  going like: "I have been a wh0r3! A wh0r3!"

Afterwards, A told me that he wished to try another character's monologue (a college graduate who immigrates, generally frustrated/bitter with his life). So he reads it to us quite convincingly, but still... we all agree the character fits better the actor we already assigned. The following conversation follows:
A: You know, I couldn't do it the way I would have done it on stage... we're in a public place here.
Me: Well, at least you didn't have to shout "I have been a wh0r3!"
(As a matter of fact- he did during the workshop; I have asked A and N to switch characters, as an exercise).

[Shoo]

One time I was standing in line to use the restroom at a state fair.  The restrooms were inside the grandstand, and there was this long ramp leading up to the door, and the line went out the door quite a ways.  So we had been standing there quite a while, and we were finally up to the entrance, a few people back.

All of a sudden this little old lady on one of those scooter things come barreling up the ramp toward the door, and I guess she didn't know how to use the brakes because she crashed right into the wall to the left of the door!

She wasn't hurt, but she did sort of do one of those head shake things (like you see in cartoons).  She got off her scooter, looked around sort of indignantly, smoothed herself, and then waltzed past everyone else in line into the restroom.

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life, and I had to bite my lips and avert my eyes to keep from wetting my pants right then and there!

[guihong]

This one was a legend in my family.  Years before I was born, my parents lived in a house with the kind of back steps that were open in the back.  They kept the trashcan under the steps.  At that time they had an ancient, blind bulldog named "Tuffy".   One day, my parents and my brother were out in the backyard when Tuffy started to slowly pick his way down the steps.  He slipped and fell through the slats into the trashcan.  My father and brother laughed until they were doubled over, and my mother was furious!  It just wasn't right to laugh at an old animal!  I don't think she spoke to my father for days.  I have to confess, I would have wet myself laughing, so call me cruel too.  Mother didn't have a sparkling sense of humor, and I'm as sick as they come.  No wonder we clashed.

My best friends (who are twins) and I went to college at opposite ends of our state.  Whenever I would go up there to visit, we'd go to Saturday night Mass and then splurge on KFC.  One time we were in Mass on the campus, when a larger woman got up to sing the Ave Maria.  I leaned over to one of my friends and whispered, "She's had too many chicken dinners".  All three of us had to sit separately after that, lest we lose it completely.

gui

[Sirius]

Yesterday our two cats were napping hard on top of a box of fabric that sits on top of a low set of shelves.  One of them rolled over in her sleep...and fell off the box into the trash can that was next to the box.  She hopped out of the trash can, shaking her head as though wondering, "What happened?"  I didn't see this, but Mr. Sirius, who was in the room when it happened, was laughing so hard he couldn't get out of his chair.  While this isn't in the class of some of the other stories here, it was still hilarious. 

[Suze]

The day my "big girl" kitty sat on the button that turned the radio on in the alarm clock was good too

first she jumped and ran and then she decided that "I ment to do that" and strolled out of the bedroom

fur puffing up the whole way.

[Shea]

Yesterday our two cats were napping hard on top of a box of fabric that sits on top of a low set of shelves.  One of them rolled over in her sleep...and fell off the box into the trash can that was next to the box.  She hopped out of the trash can, shaking her head as though wondering, "What happened?"  I didn't see this, but Mr. Sirius, who was in the room when it happened, was laughing so hard he couldn't get out of his chair.  While this isn't in the class of some of the other stories here, it was still hilarious. 

When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath?

[DangerMouth]

We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member 

<*snert!*> Didn't Shirley Bassey sing that?

[Spring Water on Sundays]

My 5 y/o cat has mild brain damage from a high fever he had as a kitten. He's no dummy, but he is basically permanently an 8-month-old kitten with poor balance and a severe lack of coordination. He has to psych himself up to jump up onto the window sill, sort of revving up and taking a couple of practice leaps until he finally goes for it. More often than not, however, he misses and falls flat on his back. He also is prone to falling off th couch. He is so surprised every time he takes a tumble, and looks around like, "What in the world just happened??" while we are laughing like maniacs, and then he just saunters away like nothing happened.

[mechtilde]

When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath?

One of mine once slipped and his front paws went into the water. Which meant that he was trying to get out witout letting his back legs get wet- but in order to get out he needed to use his back legs...

[Spring Water on Sundays]

When Big Cranky Cat was but a wee kitten, she went through a phase of needing to be with me at all times. This included when I was in the bathroom. Once I was taking a bath, and she was supervising from the side of the tub. After awhile she got bored and decided to scamper along the side. Predictably, she slipped and fell into the bath. Much indignant yowling, flailing and looks of injured pride ensued. Did I mention that it was a bubble bath?

My brain-damaged cat (see my previous post) falls into the bathtub on occasion. He loves watching the tub fill and drinking the hot bath water. Sometimes he gets a little too entranced, leans in a little too far, and...well...you can guess the rest.

[Onyx_TKD]

Note to self: Threads posted in "I Need a Hug!" are usually sad, upsetting, and/or traumatic things that should not be laughed at. I still can't help giggling as I read through "When a doctor compares a cyst to fruit..." when most of the responding posters are stating what kind of "fruit" they had to have removed. There's just something about reading "I had a plum..." and "I had a orange and a couple of lemons"...

[Miss Vertigo]

We have different levels of membership support at our organisation, depending on how much they pay. The levels are pretty easy to follow: Bronze Member, Silver Member...

The one I keep giggling at? Gold Member 

Haha. I actually sporfled out loud.