Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[momof2weenies]

Shared what I thought was a funny joke with my brother:
Me:  Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Bro:  Why?
Me:  It was dead.


but he one-upped me:

Bro:  What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Me:  Finding half a worm?
Bro:  The holocaust.

[Delia DeLyons]

My father gets really mad when us kids (four of us, two boys, two girls) have fun at the dinner table (excited talking, laughing, joking, etc.)  I don't know why... but anywho.. one Thanksgiving "Enough was Enough!!!!" already and, as I was the main culprit, I was getting the brunt of the long speech about decorum at the dinner table.   As it was kinda par for the course, I was just nodding along to my father's preaching as I watched my little brother (maybe 5, 6?) across the table, who was not paying attention to anything going on around him, but staring very, very intently at a rather bulbous reddish, purplish part of his turkey leg...like where the spur would be?  I don't know, but it was icky... my dad is going on and on and I'm not even listening because now I'M entranced by the bulbous part of his turkey leg too... and I'm watching him... and he's staring at it... I'm watching him... He's staring at that bump... when he just very suddenly CHOMPS on the thing... I started ROARING with uncontrollable laughter because it was so random and odd and gross and this INFURIATED my father because he thought I was laughing at his speech and I had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard and NO ONE else at the table had any idea why or what happened - they thought I'd gone nuts!!  I was breathlessly trying to explain what made me laugh and meanwhile, lil brother is just chomping away, making me break into a fresh fit of painful-at-that-point laughter.

And I'm yelling (still pretty much ignoring my father) "WHY WOULD YOU BITE THAT?!?!?  WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD?!?!?"  

Yeah - I got sent to my room and told Santa would never come again  

When I was finally able to explain to everyone (but Dad) about what happened, my siblings also found it HILARIOUS... I bring it up every Thanksgiving now and they join in, even though they really weren't "there" for it...  (but not around Dad... as I don't want to make him mad all over again... 13+ years later...) My mom just smiles and rolls her eyes at me... but I think deep down she agrees it's hilarious.  It was just *so* *OBVIOUSLY* A.) not an edible part of the turkey leg and B.) too gross to even consider biting at all... but he CHMOPED the thing like it was a chocolate bunny... I am trying to hold back LOLing right now as I picture it all over again and the absurdity of it all...  

[Elfqueen13]

My little Pomeranian got into my son's Adderall (stimulant used to treat ADD).  This is a pretty serious situation as it could cause his heart to stop.  Fortunately he threw most of it up, but a few of the capsules were broken which means some of it go into his bloodstream.

My little dog is high as a kite.  He's been doing laps around the dining room table.  His pupils are enormous and he might have been hallucinating at one point last night.  When he's not doing laps, he's running back and forth in a zig-zag because he can't see straight.  When he does manage to sit down, his head keeps jumping back and forth like it's on a spring. I had to take his collar off because the bell was driving me nuts.

He's going to be fine.  He didn't sleep at all last night but his heart-rate is steady and almost normal and his eyes are returning to normal.  His nose is wet and he knows who I am. I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell? He's trying so hard to lay still so he can sleep but after about 2 seconds his brain says "nope! It's time to run around!" I'm pretty sure he's going to crash tonight and sleep for a long time.  I've baby-proofed my downstairs (as I'm not entirely certain how he got to pills left on a bookshelf 3 feet over his head) like I would for a toddler.

[Shea]

My little Pomeranian got into my son's Adderall (stimulant used to treat ADD).  This is a pretty serious situation as it could cause his heart to stop.  Fortunately he threw most of it up, but a few of the capsules were broken which means some of it go into his bloodstream.

My little dog is high as a kite.  He's been doing laps around the dining room table.  His pupils are enormous and he might have been hallucinating at one point last night.  When he's not doing laps, he's running back and forth in a zig-zag because he can't see straight.  When he does manage to sit down, his head keeps jumping back and forth like it's on a spring. I had to take his collar off because the bell was driving me nuts.

He's going to be fine.  He didn't sleep at all last night but his heart-rate is steady and almost normal and his eyes are returning to normal.  His nose is wet and he knows who I am. I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell? He's trying so hard to lay still so he can sleep but after about 2 seconds his brain says "nope! It's time to run around!" I'm pretty sure he's going to crash tonight and sleep for a long time.  I've baby-proofed my downstairs (as I'm not entirely certain how he got to pills left on a bookshelf 3 feet over his head) like I would for a toddler.

The mental images had me laughing aloud! I'm glad he'll be okay though.

Once at the ranch where I worked, the vet came out to float some of the horses' teeth (a routine procedure involving filing down sharp edges on a horse's teeth). Most horses don't appreciate it, so the vet sedated them mildly. One of them, however, was NOT okay with it, so she had to be sedated more heavily than normal. We kept her tied up until it wore off and kept an eye on her, and she gave every appearance of being totally stoned. Eyes half closed, head near the ground, swaying a bit, looking at anything that came near her with this mildly confused expression. I'm sure if she'd been human, she'd have been saying something like, "Dude...you ever noticed how...much hay looks like little sticks? It totally does, man, like little green sticks...but made of grass. Yeah...grass sticks...that you can eat."

[deadbody]

I had a doberman-German Shepard mix that used to chase the cats at my first house, he would chase them into the kitchen, and when they turned to go down the steps he would catch his claws on the vinyl floor to turn with them. 

We replaced the vinyl floor with laminate (hard surface less seams) he chased the cat into the kitchen, the cat turned (skidded a bit but not much) he tried to turn, his claws got no traction, and then he hit the wall hard enough to put his head through the drywall (thank the lord he missed a stud).  He pulled back his black and tan face covered in white drywall dust and stared at the wall with a dopey look on his face. Wondering what just happened.

He was fine, and he only had to do that once to learn not to run in the kitchen anymore.  I miss that dog, he was dumb as a post before putting his head through a wall, but he was a good dog.

[Elfmama]

I'd worry about brain damage but with this dog, how could I tell?

And your kid was & & bouncing off the walls this evening too.

[snowfire]

Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.

[Elfmama]

There, Elfqueen, you see?  Elfdoggie should have had a job to do.  Dig up the back yard for a vegetable garden, maybe!

[kingsrings]

Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.

That reminds me of one of the roommates that a friend of mine used to live with. My friend and the other roomies either strongly suspected or knew for sure (it was a while ago) that this girl took meth or cocaine sometimes. They used to come home sometimes to find the entire house clean and tidy from top to bottom, courtesy of this girl. My friend used to snicker inappropriately and remark, “Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away”.

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

I'm sure if she'd been human, she'd have been saying something like, "Dude...you ever noticed how...much hay looks like little sticks? It totally does, man, like little green sticks...but made of grass. Yeah...grass sticks...that you can eat."

That made my day.

[Sirius]

Elfqueen's post reminded me of an old friend of mine.  She is a very hyper person anyway.  (I think she lives on double strength skinny latte & cigarettes.)  One day she accidentally took her sons' medication for ADHD.  On adults, it acts like speed.  She said that she was running from one end of the house to the other, decided to tear up the carpet in the bathroom, scrubbed the swimming pool.....

I got exhausted just listening to the list.

That reminds me of one of the roommates that a friend of mine used to live with. My friend and the other roomies either strongly suspected or knew for sure (it was a while ago) that this girl took meth or cocaine sometimes. They used to come home sometimes to find the entire house clean and tidy from top to bottom, courtesy of this girl. My friend used to snicker inappropriately and remark, “Well, a line a day keeps the cobwebs away”.

The old formula for Dayquil, the daytime version of Nyquil, had that effect on me.  I took some for a cold, and stayed home while my mom and my previous fiance went to the grocery store.  By the time they got back, I had cleaned the whole house and had started on the garage.  Mom said she was going to buy a case of it.

[sparklestar]

At the cinema with Aunt and little cousins aged 3 and 7. Big bucket of popcorn which is getting passed backwards and forwards. Littlest cousin chokes on a piece of popcorn, we whack her on the back out flies popcorn into the bucket and she throws up a little bit but is generally fine. We put popcorn on the floor and forget about it. 20 mins later oldest cousin goes "Ew! Why is this popcorn ALL WET!" We up ended ourselves! And what made it worse was that it was a really quiet bit in an otherwise raccous movie - just couldn't contain the giggles!

[RegionMom]

eewwww...vomit popcorn is also a good posting in the "not for the faint of heart, gross-out" thread!

[gmatoy]

BG: I was hit by a car and part of my brain died. (I'm fine, I was young and brains are good at reconnecting at a young age.)

I'm fond of telling people, "I'm brain dead, what's your excuse?"

My very wonderful BIL had a stroke. I asked him, "Did you really have to have a stroke just to be able to tell me that you brain dead, too?"

My friend later heard about this and said, "His mother must be furious." I asked why and she said,"If your friend had a damaged brain, would you go get one too?"

She said that in exactly the voice that parents use for the "If your friend jumped off a bridge..." I lost it.

[ladyonwheels]

lol oh my goodness i have a funny one!

for my birthday my hubby and his friends got together to get me a new head array control for my chair. i used to drive with my chin and the chin stick took a lot more pressure than the head array, which has proximity sensors and i steer by leaning my head back against my head rest to go forward and touching the wings on the left or right sides to turn. there is a red switch by my left cheek that puts the chair in reverse if I hit it before i lean my head back and by my right is the green switch that turns the power on or off. there's an l.e.d. display that tells me which direction i'm going and if the chair is in reverse.

well, my chair also has my dynavox communication device/computer/internet access that's mounted on an arm across my lap. the end of it sticks out a little.

end bg


when the head array was first hooked up, hubby was standing to my left and i wasn't aware of how sensitive the sensors were. i put my head back and shot forward, clocking him in the crotch with the mounting arm on my chair! he fell down, on his butt, and flattened the box the head array came in.

i stared at him and typed, 'baby, you turned me on and look at how satisfied i am'

he looked at me while holding himself and said 'hit me baby one more time'

i said to him 'dont tempt me'


we died laughing. hubby wasn't seriously hurt.


i promise i don't crash anymore!