Author Topic: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.  (Read 340825 times)

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MsCopper

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #735 on: July 31, 2011, 12:06:12 AM »
There was a sign at one of the cemeteries in a town a few miles away from me a while back. "Space now available!" I was cracking up laughing really hard while I was stopped at the red light across the street from it. The people in the car next to me must have thought I lost it.
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Slartibartfast

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #736 on: July 31, 2011, 10:31:38 AM »
Zenith, just to let you know, garlic can make dogs very uncomfortable - it makes them throw up and makes their stomachs churn.  We had a problem with a neighbor kid feeding our dogs pickles  ::) and then the dogs would come inside and throw up pickle everywhere.  I'm guessing a little hint of garlic isn't bad, but anything with garlic as a major flavor probably shouldn't be shared with the dog  :-\

Sirius

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #737 on: August 01, 2011, 03:19:15 AM »
Way back at the dawn of time someone on this board was describing what it was like to share an office with guinea pigs that had been fed broccoli. 

White Dragon

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #738 on: August 02, 2011, 12:52:24 PM »
My brother "Gary" and his wife "Kelly" recently moved into a new home.

Gary was at work when Kelly heard a strange, "scritching" noise coming from their entertainment center.
She crept up and after carefully listening, determined that the entertainment center was now inhabited by some unknown...critter-thing.

Kelly is a tough lady, but she draws the line at possessed furniture. She called Gary.
"There is a critter in the entertainment center. You need to come home now and deal with it!"

Cue Gary, cautiously approaching the aforementioned possessed furniture.
Carefully opening door after drawer and peering into the depths, not sure what is going to leap out.  :o
Finally, he discovers that there is a 2" gap *behind* the entertainment center. And in this gap is a very irate, very territorial...ground squirrel. (Like a gopher on steroids).
A stare down ensues. Gary versus the ground squirrel.
The critter has been there for some time and has managed to chew on several wires, nest and generally plant it's little rodent flag.

Gary promptly has an attack of wisdom and decides that reaching in to grab the creature is a Bad idea. Bare wires, cluttered space and an irate rodent with sharp teeth.
So they decide to...vacuum...the creature.
The nozzle is small, and the suction won't harm it, and it lets them pick the ground squirrel up from a safe distance.

The plan is to gently grab hold of the animal and drop it into a cat carrier. The door will slam shut and the creature will be taken outside and released.
Kelly's job is to hold the cat carrier. As I said, she's a tough lady. She's also not stupid. Even at arm's length, a flailing, confused, vacuumed rodent was waaay to close for comfort.  :P
Accordingly, she held the cat carrier on the end of a broom handle.

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel. Since this is not a well documented field, I guess they can be excused for not knowing this fact.
A little duct tape and a second vacuum hose later (which made me wonder who owns two vacuums?) they succeed in picking up the errant animal, dropping it into the carrier and closing the door.

Picture, if you will, a young couple, one wielding a cat carrier on the end of a broom handle, the other with two vacuum hoses taped together, both focused with laser intensity on a 2" space behind the TV.
At which point their 3 year old wanders into the room and asks the very reasonable question "What is daddy doing?"
Kelly, not wanting little Todd to either a) freak out at the idea that their furniture is infested or, even worse, try to help, Kelly said, deadpan, "He's helping mommy vacuum." Apparently this was not interesting enough to Todd and he wandered off.  ;D

Happily, the ground squirrel has been relocated to a more appropriate outdoor environment and Kelly, Gary and the family are able to enjoy their now exorcised entertainment center.  :)

eclecticgrrl

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #739 on: August 02, 2011, 02:36:12 PM »
Oh!  Oh!  The ground squirrel reminded me of one.  But it's BAAAADDD.

A friend of mine was pet-sitting for a friend who owned a boa constrictor and was on vacation for three weeks.  I think twice a week, Friend was supposed to go to the house and feed the snake.  The house was really pretty, the snake cage was the centerpiece of the room it was in and there was a whole sort of Asian feel to the room.  And off to the side was the mouse farm that served as the snake's menu.

SnakeOwner didn't get a chance to show Friend whole feeding procedure but explained that you had to give the snake a mouse twice a week and here are the things you should check the snake for and left a whole detailed list of "reasons to call the snake vet" and "stuff that will make the house blow up."

First feeding day, Friend goes to the house and immediately realizes that she hadn't thought this through carefully because this job first involves catching a mouse. Mice know when they're about to be fed to a snake and so, when she reached her hand into the mouse farm, CHOMP, she was bit.  Scrounges around and finds some gloves next to the mouse farm, along with a little wooden table and a mallet and a Zen sand thingy and bitty rake and other oddments.  Huh.  On with the gloves, catches a mouse, tosses it into the snake's cage and that part of the process is done.  She waters the plants, sorts the mail, and goes back to her life.

Comes back several days later only to find the snake looking a little peaked and a skinny but sassy mouse zooming around in the snake's cage.  Huh?  Friend isn't reaching in to the snake's cage to take the mouse out so she tosses a little mouse food into the snake cage, repeats the rest of her routine and leaves.  Comes back a couple of days later and the mouse is still hale and healthy but the snake is eyeing her in a way that doesn't seem entirely friendly.  Now she's worried.  She calls the vet, who says that the snake will eat when it's hungry and asks her other questions that are hard to answer about a snake that you barely know.  So Friend does the only sensible thing and calls SnakeOwner to explain the situation.

SnakeOwner can't understand why her snake won't eat.  You sure you got a new mouse?  And it was alive? You didn't hit it too hard?

Wait.  What?

Well, it turns out that the snake doesn't eat dead mice.  It also won't eat running around mice.  So you have to knock the mouse unconcious before it goes into the snake cage.  That's what the little wooden table and mallet are for - you get the mouse out of the farm, cup it on the wooden table and smack it with the hammer hard enough to knock it unconcious but not enough to kill it.  Turns out that takes a knack - not everyone can stun a mouse.

Friend still can't actually bring herself to reach into the snake's cage to fish for the living mouse in there, so she tosses some more mouse food in and then fishes out another mouse, WHACKS it on its little mousey head and gives it to the snake who apparently doesn't care so much about the distinction between living and dead after a week of no food because it jumps on little Mousey FooFoo like a reptile avenger.

And Friend suddenly understood why it was that SnakeOwner would hum the Bunny FooFoo song when it was feeding time.

Luci

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #740 on: August 02, 2011, 03:11:37 PM »
Run, Luci, run! No way I could do that!

As much as I dislike mice, it's stil RUN.

We had fish. I thought the goldfish in the shop were nice. No, those are feeder fish for the paranahs, and the crickets we feeders for the snakes.

Run, Luci, run.

Punky B.

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #741 on: August 02, 2011, 03:17:49 PM »
And the snake one reminded me... ;D  Warning, involves mice as food...

My old roomate also had a boa constrictor that had to be fed stunned mice.  Her method was to grab the mouse by the tail and wack it on the corner of the counter, breaking it's neck but leaving it alive.  She goes to wack one day and... the neck didn't break.  She is now holding a spectacularly peeved mouse by the tail, who rears up and bites her in the webbing of the thumb and pointer finger.  The mouse will not let go, friend is flailing, and blood is flying everywhere.  She cannot get the mouse to release her, and I can't say I blame him.  Eventually she shakes the mouse free and it bounces off the wall, shakes its head, and scurries off, never to be seen again.  We agreed it had earned it's freedom in battle, once I was able to regain control.

She had a different snake that ate "mice on ice".  Imagine, a thin, long box about the size of an ice-cube tray.  On the top, pictures of happy, cavorting mice, wearing scarves and mittens.  They are ice skating.  They are having snowball fights and singing carols.  The box promises mice that are having the time of their lives.

Peel off the top- and there are pink baby mice, crammed into different compartments, frozen and blobby.  Sometimes their little hands would be reaching upward, frozen in time, as if waiting for rescue.  It was so incredibly depressing, but coupled with the happy box art mice- I laughed.

P-p-p-penguin

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #742 on: August 02, 2011, 03:25:15 PM »
Aha haha haaaa the snake and squirrel ones are so funny!

twiggy

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #743 on: August 02, 2011, 03:51:04 PM »
One year, as a gag gift, DH bought his brother a talking action figure for Christmas. It was a 12” tall Jesus doll that recited John 3:16. (http://www.megahobby.com/messengersoffaithjesusactionfigurebyone2believe.aspx) When BIL opened it, his older sister started singing “Your own, personal…Jesus” and we all busted up laughing. I’m not sure how or why, but it ended up in BIL’s car. It was there when BIL was pulled over and arrested for DUI. DH and I gave BIL a ride to the impound lot to pick up the car and there was Jesus, sitting on the dashboard. I couldn’t help it, I started singing the Carrie Underwood song “Jesus take the wheel”

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« Last Edit: August 02, 2011, 04:33:43 PM by twiggy »
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Ms_Cellany

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #744 on: August 02, 2011, 03:57:55 PM »
She is now holding a spectacularly peeved mouse by the tail, who rears up and bites her in the webbing of the thumb and pointer finger.  The mouse will not let go, friend is flailing, and blood is flying everywhere.  She cannot get the mouse to release her, and I can't say I blame him.  Eventually she shakes the mouse free and it bounces off the wall, shakes its head, and scurries off, never to be seen again.  We agreed it had earned it's freedom in battle, once I was able to regain control.

I had a similar experience in a lab as an undergraduate, except it involved a rat. The rat had escaped, and the grad student I worked with grabbed it by the base of the tail. Rat whipped around and clamped its teeth in the base of "Rob's" thumb.

Rob, with incredible aplomb, turned to me and said, "Eventually, this rat is going to let go. When it does, I'm going to leave the room, and it will be YOUR problem."

As I recall, I managed to trap it under a box.
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Slartibartfast

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #745 on: August 02, 2011, 04:23:50 PM »
I had a pet snake for a long time when I was a kid, and I did feed it mice.  My parents actually let me breed mice in the basement.  (I can't believe they did that!)  Anyway, when my snake was smaller, it couldn't eat adult mice, so I had to feed it babies.  And since mice grow so quickly, I had to do the whole "pinkie mice in the freezer" thing.

Protip: put frozen mice in an opaque container before your grandparents visit.  I nearly gave my (very proper, very elegant) grandmother a heart attack.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #746 on: August 02, 2011, 05:11:10 PM »
White Dragon, your writing style is hilarious!  What a great post!


Also, I am ver glad that you can't feed live mammals in the UK.  I do know a US person who adopted a rabbit which had been snake food.  The rabbit killed the snake...

Edited because rabbi = rabbit. Except for Jewish lapines.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2011, 05:14:14 PM by RingTailedLemur »

Kimblee

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #747 on: August 02, 2011, 08:01:35 PM »
White Dragon, your writing style is hilarious!  What a great post!


Also, I am ver glad that you can't feed live mammals in the UK.  I do know a US person who adopted a rabbit which had been snake food.  The rabbit killed the snake...

Edited because rabbi = rabbit. Except for Jewish lapines.

I nearly strangled my cousin once over a similar situation. He begged me to give him a snake, so i gave him Princess, a ratsnake. Sweet as sugar and very friendly.

I told him to feed her ONLY dead, thawed mice. One day he calls me and tells me I can have Princess back, and says he will leave her cage on our porch.

I figured out why he didn't stay to visit when I took Princess out and she was covered in knaw marks. He had stuck live rats in with her! I screamed, then i cried, then my dad took the (still in the cage) rat and disposed of it for me. Princess survived but she was never as pretty. Then Cousin tried to convince me to give him a boa.  >:(
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Miss Vertigo

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #748 on: August 02, 2011, 09:13:30 PM »

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd read!

That, m'dear, is *the* funniest post I've ever read on here. Bravo!

White Dragon

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Re: Things that you just should NOT laugh at.
« Reply #749 on: August 02, 2011, 09:59:51 PM »

As it turns out, a single vacuum is not strong enough to pick up a ground squirrel.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd read!

That, m'dear, is *the* funniest post I've ever read on here. Bravo!

blush

Thank you. You should have heard Gary tell it last weekend, complete with hand gestures and sound effects.  :D And beer.