Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[ladyknight1]

Today we went to a different church than usual because they were having a Kirkin' of the Tartan ceremony, with bagpipes and people dressed in kilts of their family's patterns.  And as we're sitting there, enjoying the lovely service with pipes and everything, I can't help but think "I wonder if they're going fully traditional in their dress?"* Then I had to make myself think sober thoughts so that I would NOT laugh!

*Traditionally, no knickers are worn under kilts...

At our annual Scottish Highland Games, the MC often checks as the lads hurl their haggis.

[VorFemme]

From the 'Little Good News' thread:

Programs at the library this week have been well attended and have received good evaluations.

Not laughing at either whiterose or her post at all. No, it's the fact that for some reason I keep misreading it as Pogroms at the library this week have been well attended and have received good evaluations, and having split-second moments of wondering what the heck kind of library they're running there...

And now I have a silly image of Lenin and Stalin sitting in fancy chairs by the bookcases, watching people run past and saying "Ooo, nice torches, very fiery! Nine out of Ten!"

It was the East German judges who were always giving higher scores......not Stalin & Lenin. 

Although I can at least put a face on Stalin & Lenin - but not any of those East German judges!  The camera was always on the competition until the score cards came up in front of the judges' faces!

+++

In regards to the tightrope walker in a kilt - if he got dressed by Evil & Snarky, he'd be wearing flesh colored tights with a codpiece.  If dressed to circus traditions - the tights would be sparkly but there would be a swimmer's jock strap under the tights instead of a codpiece - and possibly something that looked like the bottom of a leotard worn over the tights (think Superman's costume or any number of other leotard & tights super hero outfit). 

Snarky and Evil liked the sparkly idea and promptly went looking for the glitter......and were debating how well it would stick to the soft slippers that they've seen tightrope walkers use.

[greencat]

I really shouldn't laugh at my kitten when he realizes that I opened the magical door to my bedroom and that he only has mere seconds to get inside before I shut him out...and he skids and does the spinning-legs thing on my very very slick tile floor trying to get moving

I should also not laugh at my tom cat when the kitten bounces on him.  He is, after all, being a most patient kitty to not slap the kitten silly.

I should definitely not laugh at the dog for getting up and leaving in a huff when the kitten sat down on his feet.  After all, the dog only weighs 75 times what the kitten does! 

[Twik]

Today we went to a different church than usual because they were having a Kirkin' of the Tartan ceremony, with bagpipes and people dressed in kilts of their family's patterns.  And as we're sitting there, enjoying the lovely service with pipes and everything, I can't help but think "I wonder if they're going fully traditional in their dress?"* Then I had to make myself think sober thoughts so that I would NOT laugh!

*Traditionally, no knickers are worn under kilts...

At our annual Scottish Highland Games, the MC often checks as the lads hurl their haggis.

I was at a Highland Games once when there was a high, and quite swirly, wind. It was educational.

Of course, my brother, the piper, claims that bicycle shorts are perfectly acceptable undergear for piping in the Canadian winter, which traditional Scots do not have to deal with.

[exitzero]

There's an old joke about the Scotsman who falls asleep on a park bench after a long night of drinking.

Two ladies walk by and their curiosity gets the best of them, and they had to peek to see what he wore under his kilt.

They found nothing but what the good Lord had given him.

One of them, being a little naughty, pulls out a hair ribbon and ties it around what the good Lord had given him.

When he wakes up the next day and goes behind a tree to take care of business, he finds the ribbon and exclaims, "Ach, aye, laddie, I don't know where you've been, but won you won first prize!".

[hermanne]

There's an old joke about the Scotsman who falls asleep on a park bench after a long night of drinking.

Two ladies walk by and their curiosity gets the best of them, and they had to peek to see what he wore under his kilt.

They found nothing but what the good Lord had given him.

One of them, being a little naughty, pulls out a hair ribbon and ties it around what the good Lord had given him.

When he wakes up the next day and goes behind a tree to take care of business, he finds the ribbon and exclaims, "Ach, aye, laddie, I don't know where you've been, but won you won first prize!".

That's a song the revellers at my old Ren Faire sang. A lot.

[vorbau]

The promoter for our local Scottish festival was a Scot and, in his festive burr, he would say, "People always ask me if anything is worn under the kilt. I tell them everything works just fine!"

I heard that one (from a guy whose dress uniform was a kilt) as a nice elderly lady asking "Is anything worn under the kilt?" and he replying "No, madam, it's in perfect working order."

DXH is Scottish, the 2d generation born in the US. When we were still married, a colleague of mine who is extremely Irish asked DXH if he knew why Scotsmen wear kilts. DXH said because it's traditional. Colleague said "No, it's because sheep can hear zippers."

[hobish]

Gish and I have recently discovered a great new butcher near us. They have all kinds of cool stuff like venison and rattlesnake and different game birds. They also have a service where you can pre-order meats raised by a 4-H kid. …and there are pictures … pictures of cute little sheep standing there with their 4-H’er and all the ribbons and trophies they have won. It’s so bizarre. I was a 4-H kid myself; I know that those animals are usually raised as food. The pictures killed me, though. I laughed so hard I was crying, while my coworkers looked at me all horrified-like. “Love makes the meat sweeter” is apparently not as funny to them as it is to me.

[Julia Mercer]

There's an old joke about the Scotsman who falls asleep on a park bench after a long night of drinking.

Two ladies walk by and their curiosity gets the best of them, and they had to peek to see what he wore under his kilt.

They found nothing but what the good Lord had given him.

One of them, being a little naughty, pulls out a hair ribbon and ties it around what the good Lord had given him.

When he wakes up the next day and goes behind a tree to take care of business, he finds the ribbon and exclaims, "Ach, aye, laddie, I don't know where you've been, but won you won first prize!".

That's a song the revellers at my old Ren Faire sang. A lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAsraTQxmMg there is the song, there is no video for it, but it's a cute song!

[Outdoor Girl]

“Love makes the meat sweeter” is apparently not as funny to them as it is to me.

You are a sick, sick woman!  I think I love you. 

[Piratelvr1121]

There's an old joke about the Scotsman who falls asleep on a park bench after a long night of drinking.

Two ladies walk by and their curiosity gets the best of them, and they had to peek to see what he wore under his kilt.

They found nothing but what the good Lord had given him.

One of them, being a little naughty, pulls out a hair ribbon and ties it around what the good Lord had given him.

When he wakes up the next day and goes behind a tree to take care of business, he finds the ribbon and exclaims, "Ach, aye, laddie, I don't know where you've been, but won you won first prize!".

LOL!!!!!!! Heeheehee!! Love it!

Because of DH's Scottish heritage, my bff and I have dubbed him "The Scot" and since they have Scottish heritage, the children are dubbed "The Tartan Spawn".

[Kimblee]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

[violinp]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

Blahaha! 

[emwithme]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

That's reminded me of the Very Old Joke.

A man has an accident and wakes up in hospital.  The Doctor comes to him and says "I have good news and bad news.

"The bad news is that we had to amputate your feet.  The good news is that Mr Jones would like to buy your shoes" 

*gets coat*

[Spring Water on Sundays]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

LOL! My brother had a friend in high school with 1 1/2 arms (born that way). He worked at a hardware store and, as the story goes, would often talk people into buying the more expensive table saws. "You do NOT want the cheap one. Trust me."