Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[lady_disdain]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

LOL! My brother had a friend in high school with 1 1/2 arms (born that way). He worked at a hardware store and, as the story goes, would often talk people into buying the more expensive table saws. "You do NOT want the cheap one. Trust me."

That is evil!

[Hunter-Gatherer]

The answer I heard to "What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt" is a little over the line for this forum, as it rather implies that the kilt wearer has been playing a scrabble variant with the wife of the person asking the question.

I will throw out another funny kilt related renfair song though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEyD4L7AmrI

[greencat]

Wet cats.  Even when the wetness is entirely their own faults.

Exhibit A:  Cat took a nap in the bathtub.  Where I had recently showered.  She looked really disgusted with the fact that she was wet after she woke from an hour-long nap.

Exhibit B: Kitten who must see everything I'm doing.  He shoved his way into the bathroom while I was washing the dog...and got up on the rim of the tub...and fell in.  I wash the dog with the shower head, not by filling the tub, so he didn't fall into standing water, but he still got pretty wet.  He's also previously been seen splashing through the water bowl and when he sits on the rim of the toilet, his tail is so long the tip of it tends to end up floating on the water.  I'm a little suspicious of his interactions with water.

[hobish]

In high school I was part of a spirit club with a girl(Nina) who had 1 1/2 arms.(Her joke, not mine.) I honestly didn't notice it for almost a full semester. Despite having opened her sodas for her and the fact that she did not wear a prosthetic at all. (she did usually wear hooded sweatshirts, I blame my lack of observance on that. I just thought she asked me to open her bottles because they were stuck and I had better hand strength.) We were discussing getting mani/pedis as a group but only a few of us rally wanted to do it.

The girl pulled off her sweatshirt when we got to the salon and that's when I noticed her arm. And a thought occoured to me. A thought that I was pretty sure was rude, insensitive and crass, but which made me giggle. I tried to make it into a cough. Until Nina voiced it almost exactly. "You know, I think I ought to get half price on manicures..."

I about died laughing. And felt bad about it. Then started laughing again. So did Nina. Everyone else thought we were nuts. They might be right but now I have to go search for her on Facebook and see if she remembers me as well as I remember her.

That's reminded me of the Very Old Joke.

A man has an accident and wakes up in hospital.  The Doctor comes to him and says "I have good news and bad news.

"The bad news is that we had to amputate your feet.  The good news is that Mr Jones would like to buy your shoes" 

*gets coat*

That is a new one to me. I can't wait to tell it to my mom; we both love terrible humor -- and i mean that as a compliment, truly.

[Ms_Cellany]

Remember the Doonesbury strip where B.D. has to tell Boopsie his leg was amputated? "Good news, honey - I've hit my target weight!"

[kymom3]

My siblings and I recently had a family meeting with our dad to plan his and our mom's funerals.  They are not actively dying, but are both in their 80's, so something horrible to do, but glad it's done.

Anyway, love my dad's heart, he was a businessman all of his adult life, and very much likes to be in control and have the final say so.  We were discussing what time of day to have the funeral and he kept saying that if it was winter time, he didn't want people to have to be at the cemetary after dark, so the funeral should start by 2 pm at the latest, to give us time for a short graveside service.

I was having to bite my tongue not to say, but Dad, you won't be there!  Why do you care??  When I told my sister later she giggled and agreed, Dad probably would have disowned me on the spot! 

[gramma dishes]

   Actually, in this case I think your Dad was being very thoughtful of others.  And by the way, he WILL presumably be at his own funeral!   

[Diane AKA Traska]

  Actually, in this case I think your Dad was being very thoughtful of others.  And by the way, he WILL presumably be at his own funeral!   

That's actually a point of philosophical contention...  I have my mother's ashes in an urn, but she's not *in* there.  Her cremains are.  But everything that made her, well... her, is wherever that intangible thing we call life goes after the body can no longer hold it.

[Snooks]

You could have pointed out he's going to be in the dark whatever time you have the service 

[Outdoor Girl]

You could have pointed out he's going to be in the dark whatever time you have the service 

*snort*

My Mom had about 10 weeks lead time before her death.  She was able to plan things out the way she wanted them.  She decided that her funeral was to be at 1:00 pm so the ladies doing the sandwiches and sweets for the tea afterwords wouldn't have to make as much as they would for an 11:00 am service (middle of the afternoon versus lunchtime).  One of her favourite hymns was 'Morning Has Broken' so we brought that up as one we could sing during the service.  'Oh, no.  You can't do that; the service is in the afternoon.'  We did overrule her on this one because it is also one of my Dad's favourites.

[Thipu1]

  Actually, in this case I think your Dad was being very thoughtful of others.  And by the way, he WILL presumably be at his own funeral!   

I agree that he was being thoughtful.

Cemeteries tend to have rather uneven ground at the best of times.  In the winter, grass might be slippery or a little frosty.  Having the graveside service over before dark makes perfect sense. 

[camlan]

  Actually, in this case I think your Dad was being very thoughtful of others.  And by the way, he WILL presumably be at his own funeral!   

I agree that he was being thoughtful.

Cemeteries tend to have rather uneven ground at the best of times.  In the winter, grass might be slippery or a little frosty.  Having the graveside service over before dark makes perfect sense.

Pod to the uneven ground, and in addition, there is very little lighting in most cemeteries--no street lights or outdoor lights anywhere but at the entrance. Having a burial service after dark--I think the cemetery people would refuse to do it, frankly.

[hobish]

Friend traded Gish xesy pics for homemade salsa. Yay cooking 

[Gyburc]

Things you should not laugh at... geese.

Partly because it startles them and makes them run around flapping and complaining - but mostly because they are the specialest snowflakes ever. 

My girl-goose Honoria was standing by the plastic kids' paddling pool that I fill with water for them to drink and play in. She was desperately trying to scratch her neck, but whenever she lifted her foot up, it made contact with the side of the paddling-pool instead. So she kept scratching the paddling-pool, and bending her neck further and further down, trying to work out why her neck wouldn't stop itching.

She was mortally offended when I laughed my head off. 

[Tashigi]

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2012/10/25/clinton-firefighter-charged-after-ex-wifes-dryer-explodes/

So it's a rather horrible story all around involving a vindictive ex-husband and a booby-trapped laundry dryer. While the poor woman wasn't killed, she sustained serious burns on her legs and had to be taken to the hospital. This wasn't the part where I laughed.

This was:

When Doreen turned the dryer on, it exploded, giving her severe burns on her legs and blowing her small dog out of the second floor window.

Seriously, I guffawed.

Then I wondered what happened to the dog and started to feel pretty awful. Thankfully, reports state that the dog survived. You can start laughing now.