Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[Elfmama]

I cracked up when my bff once remarked that she hadn't talked to me until after returning home when she had her gallbladder surgery.

Because you see she had called me upon returning from her room, raving and just about waxing poetically about how much she loved anesthesia and oh how she didn't know what she'd been so worried about cause this was great!  (she'd never had it before, it was her first surgery she'd ever had) But of course since she was still heavily under the influence of the anesthesia she didn't remember talking to me at all. 

DP, when she was coming out of the medically induced coma they had her in for 40+ days, was similar, but for an extended period. We have talked at length, and I think we've come down to about a three week period that *I* thought she was awake, but she can't remember. We didn't have a lot of conversations, per say, since she was still on the ventilator, but there were a few dozen really hysterical stories that I've told her that she won't believe me on, because she swears she wasn't awake then. One notable one was when someone came in and muttered loudly that "Rebecca sure made a mess of these lines.", meaning her night nurse. DP got so indignant, and actually SNORTED over her ventilator to get their attention, until the nurse clarified that she didn't mean *her* Rebecca, but the nurse. That one was still making the rounds in the ICU a month later when I went down to get some copies of some paperwork.

Your DP is awesome.

When I was in the hospital just prior to getting my appendix out, they brought in a young woman who was just coming out of the anesthetic after her own appendectomy.  She asked the nurse "Did they take out my vagina and look at it?  because it HURTS!" 

[Diane AKA Traska]

A few years before Mom's death (when she was still working, in her 70s... Mom was a Great Depression, West Virginia gal... you worked until nature said "you ain't working no more."), she finally wound up retiring... because she was working as a cook in a nursing home and they had her hauling 40 lb pork roasts off of the top shelves.  (Why the heaviest stuff on the top shelves?  That's a good question.)  Anyway, a week later, she finally starts complaining about the pain.  Turns out she had a broken hip.  And had been WALKING on it.  I had a broken knee once and it took one step to convince me it was broken...

That week I just mentioned?  Right up to her dying day, Mom couldn't remember a moment of it.  As far as we can tell, when she broke her hip it was so painful her conscious mind shut down entirely and she went on complete autopilot.  She woke up, did stuff, talked with us, went to bed... and none of it got saved to the hard drive if you get me.

[stitchygreyanonymouse]

I’ve always wondered if their nerves just stop working, they’re just that 'suck it up and deal' or what, because my grandmother, at 90, walked on a broken ankle for over a week before she started complaining. It makes me cringe thinking about it still.

[Midnight Kitty]

I’ve always wondered if their nerves just stop working, they’re just that 'suck it up and deal' or what, because my grandmother, at 90, walked on a broken ankle for over a week before she started complaining. It makes me cringe thinking about it still.

Maybe that generation really is tougher than us *youngsters* (I'm in my mid-50s).  There's a man at the ranch where we board our mare who had a riding accident: He fell off while his horse was working cattle and his horse stepped on him, breaking/cracking several ribs.  He got back on and finished moving the cattle.  I asked him if he took some time off to heal.  He said, "No.  Why would I?"

When I met DH, I was working temp jobs and didn't have medical insurance.  I tripped and landed on the side of my foot.  I thought I broke something, but darling, thoughtful, DF said it couldn't be broken if I could walk on it.  Basically he said "suck it up and deal."  Well, it hurt a lot to walk on it.  Whenever I didn't need to be standing, I was trying to elevate my foot above my heart so it would stop throbbing.  When I came home from work, I iced it down.

Several months later I was working a full time, permanent job with medical insurance benefits.  I managed to smash my baby toe into something and had X-rays taken of my foot.  The X-ray showed a 3 inch long spiral fracture of the fifth metatarsal bone which healed straight, but twisted.  That little toe had to have a joint removed because the toe was now sideways and the joint did not fit in my steel-toed boots (required for my job).  Otherwise, it was an impressive fracture which healed well without surgery.  In fact, the doctor said that, had I sought medical care, they would have pinned the bone and it would be weaker than the "Popeye" bone I have now.

[Diane AKA Traska]

I’ve always wondered if their nerves just stop working, they’re just that 'suck it up and deal' or what, because my grandmother, at 90, walked on a broken ankle for over a week before she started complaining. It makes me cringe thinking about it still.

Maybe that generation really is tougher than us *youngsters* (I'm in my mid-50s).  There's a man at the ranch where we board our mare who had a riding accident: He fell off while his horse was working cattle and his horse stepped on him, breaking/cracking several ribs.  He got back on and finished moving the cattle.  I asked him if he took some time off to heal.  He said, "No.  Why would I?"

When I met DH, I was working temp jobs and didn't have medical insurance.  I tripped and landed on the side of my foot.  I thought I broke something, but darling, thoughtful, DF said it couldn't be broken if I could walk on it.  Basically he said "suck it up and deal."  Well, it hurt a lot to walk on it.  Whenever I didn't need to be standing, I was trying to elevate my foot above my heart so it would stop throbbing.  When I came home from work, I iced it down.

Several months later I was working a full time, permanent job with medical insurance benefits.  I managed to smash my baby toe into something and had X-rays taken of my foot.  The X-ray showed a 3 inch long spiral fracture of the fifth metatarsal bone which healed straight, but twisted.  That little toe had to have a joint removed because the toe was now sideways and the joint did not fit in my steel-toed boots (required for my job).  Otherwise, it was an impressive fracture which healed well without surgery.  In fact, the doctor said that, had I sought medical care, they would have pinned the bone and it would be weaker than the "Popeye" bone I have now.

This past winter, I actually broke a finger in an auto accident.  I knew it was broken right away, but I had a plan!  Part 1:  Ice pack.  When we drive long distances, we bring cold drinks and use a refreezable ice pack, so I wrapped that in a paper towel and held it firmly against the finger.  I also had a Naproxen Sodium tablet, so I took that.  That was literally the only medicine I had the entire day for that break.  They prescribed me strong stuff, and I think I used four total.  It just didn't really hurt that much.  Hell, I think I was in better spirits than the doctors.  ("If I had to break something, at least it was something I had nine spares of, right?")

[snowfire]

The fact that I am sitting here trying not to scratch my poison oak rash reminded me of one years ago.  A male friend, who was wearing shorts, shinnied up a tree.  Unfortunately, he did not realize that the vine also climbing the tree was poison ivy.  He was wearing shorts....really short shorts.  He got the rash in the expected, and very uncomfortable places that you might expect.  He was not a happy camper.  I really felt for him, but it was hard not to have a tiny snicker...

I think this would also fit into the Don't Do That category.

[readingchick]

The fact that I am sitting here trying not to scratch my poison oak rash reminded me of one years ago.  A male friend, who was wearing shorts, shinnied up a tree.  Unfortunately, he did not realize that the vine also climbing the tree was poison ivy.  He was wearing shorts....really short shorts.  He got the rash in the expected, and very uncomfortable places that you might expect.  He was not a happy camper.  I really felt for him, but it was hard not to have a tiny snicker...

I think this would also fit into the Don't Do That category.

Ouch! That hurts just reading it!

[Outdoor Girl]

My parents worked at summer camps (since Dad was a teacher and Mom was a school nurse, they had summers off).  One summer, there was a big he-man guy who said, 'I don't need no stinking toilet paper; I'll just use leaves.'

Yup, he used THOSE leaves.  (Dude, leaves of three, leave them be!)  The only relief he could get was sitting in the leftover oatmeal after breakfast.

[Piratelvr1121]

I remember after a surgery (was probably for deviated septum since my throat wasn't too sore afterwards) the nurse came in to remove my IV.  Now I hate getting IV's put in and was already dreading the removal.  I think this was my first surgery since I was 4 when I had my adenoids out and that time they'd used gas to put me out. 

Anyway so the nurse pulled out the IV very nicely and carefully with no pain at all.  I watched in wonder and awe, finally stating when it was out, "Wow, that didn't suck at all..." my mother was very embarrassed because she was of the opinion that ladies do not say "suck" and when we got in the car she admonished me for it.  I rolled my eyes and said "Yeah I'm sure she's heard a lot worse and really I was complimenting her!"

I'm laughing now while admitting I was being rude to my mother but I never did think that "that doesn't suck at all" was that bad of a statement.

[Nikko-chan]

My parents worked at summer camps (since Dad was a teacher and Mom was a school nurse, they had summers off).  One summer, there was a big he-man guy who said, 'I don't need no stinking toilet paper; I'll just use leaves.'

Yup, he used THOSE leaves.  (Dude, leaves of three, leave them be!)  The only relief he could get was sitting in the leftover oatmeal after breakfast.

*squirms* Owww.  Not very manly then, was he?

[snowfire]

Yup, he used THOSE leaves.  (Dude, leaves of three, leave them be!)  The only relief he could get was sitting in the leftover oatmeal after breakfast.

The mental image of big burly dude sitting, sans pants, in a pan of cold oatmeal...ROFLMAO.  Which is good, since my Benadryl hasn't kicked in yet...

I HATE poison oak!!!

[Outdoor Girl]

My Dad calls mullen, which has nice, soft, greyish leaves, 'Tarzan's toilet paper'.   

[mmswm]

I’ve always wondered if their nerves just stop working, they’re just that 'suck it up and deal' or what, because my grandmother, at 90, walked on a broken ankle for over a week before she started complaining. It makes me cringe thinking about it still.

Maybe that generation really is tougher than us *youngsters* (I'm in my mid-50s).  There's a man at the ranch where we board our mare who had a riding accident: He fell off while his horse was working cattle and his horse stepped on him, breaking/cracking several ribs.  He got back on and finished moving the cattle.  I asked him if he took some time off to heal.  He said, "No.  Why would I?"

When I met DH, I was working temp jobs and didn't have medical insurance.  I tripped and landed on the side of my foot.  I thought I broke something, but darling, thoughtful, DF said it couldn't be broken if I could walk on it.  Basically he said "suck it up and deal."  Well, it hurt a lot to walk on it.  Whenever I didn't need to be standing, I was trying to elevate my foot above my heart so it would stop throbbing.  When I came home from work, I iced it down.

Several months later I was working a full time, permanent job with medical insurance benefits.  I managed to smash my baby toe into something and had X-rays taken of my foot.  The X-ray showed a 3 inch long spiral fracture of the fifth metatarsal bone which healed straight, but twisted.  That little toe had to have a joint removed because the toe was now sideways and the joint did not fit in my steel-toed boots (required for my job).  Otherwise, it was an impressive fracture which healed well without surgery.  In fact, the doctor said that, had I sought medical care, they would have pinned the bone and it would be weaker than the "Popeye" bone I have now.

My youngest son has a bone condition which causes him to live with intense, chronic pain.  The poor child walked around on a broken foot for two weeks, a mere six weeks after a brutal hip surgery, before anybody figured out he'd managed to break his foot.

[VorFemme]

I was coming out of a Toys R Us store after shopping with Ambrosia Hino earlier last weekend (a truly critical shortage of diapers with a sick two year old - ONE is not enough).  I stopped, grabbed my bra and started scratching & checking out the contents just as I got to the side of the minivan.

You've heard the expression "ants in your pants"?  Ants in your bra will really distract you!  This week I have a rash (from scratching?) and several bite marks....they are just starting to heal.

Last time I was squirming like that, I was inside my house and stripped off my pants in the entry way after shutting the door behind me - looked like a spider bite later (or possibly a fire ant bite) on my stomach....but I felt the BITE/sting immediately.  The bite mark didn't show up until the next morning...

I need to avoid parking near ant beds.

[gramma dishes]

I was coming out of a Toys R Us store ...  I stopped, grabbed my bra and started scratching & checking out the contents just as I got to the side of the minivan.

You've heard the expression "ants in your pants"?  Ants in your bra will really distract you!  This week I have a rash (from scratching?) and several bite marks....they are just starting to heal. ...

I need to avoid parking near ant beds.

I feel so sorry for you.  Those things are awful! 

But it could have been worse.  You could have picked up the ants on your way into the store.  Ripping your bra off inside the store to get at them might have been ... awkward!