Things that you just should NOT laugh at.

[Editeer]

Valentines Mommy, I can just picture it. My family would have laughed, too.

After my father's mother died suddenly at age 68, my mother and my aunt went to deal with her apartment. While going through drawers, they found a stash of used dental plates (bridges). My grandmother had grown up poor and was very frugal. When her dental plate wore out, she got a new one, but she couldn't bring herself to throw away the old one. She had worn plates for years, so there were three or four of them in the drawer. My aunt and mother absolutely lost it. Every so often one of them would say, "We really shouldn't be laughing at this," and then they'd collapse in giggles again.
They still tell that story occasionally.

[Dawse]

I think I may be about to out myself as a terrible person, but...

A couple of jobs ago, I worked in a pub that had an oddly high bar - it was okay from the serving side because the floor was a bit higher, but from the customer's side it was a good six inches or so higher than normal (every other bar I've ever taken notice of has been about elbow height for me - this was well above) - this meant that you completely couldn't see little kids if they were stood next to the bar with a parent.

One afternoon, a lady is at the bar making a food order; she's just about finished and I'm pouring her last drink when I hear a little disembodied voice - 'Mummy, I need the toilet!' She turns to a child (who is completely hidden from my view) and says something like 'I'm almost done, we can go in a minute'. The little voice pipes up again 'But mummy, I need to go!' I'm handing the lady her change by now.

She says 'Okay, almost there, we can nearly go' to which the little voice says 'But mummy, I need a poo!'

She's got all her change by now, and is looking a bit desperately between her tray of drinks and the source of the little voice. I say she can leave her drinks and pick them up in a minute if the little one needs the loo, but I'm interrupted by... 'Mummy, it's coming! It's coming mummy!'

The poor lady practically sprints for the toilets, small child in tow (fortunately they were quite close to where they were standing). I turn to look at my manager, who's been stood next to me, shoulders silently shaking throughout the whole exchange... and we just lose it. The fact that we really shouldn't have been laughing at this poor kid desperate for the toilet just made it worse, but somehow the fact we couldn't see the kid and only hear this earnest little voice proclaiming it needed a poo... (maybe you had to be there...)

Fortunately we'd managed to calm down by the time they came back to pick up the drinks, but I could barely look the poor lady in the eye... and it was a long time before 'It's coming, mummy!' stopped being funny.

[Slartibartfast]

Babybartfast is supposed to be drawing a picture which will be on the cover of the church children's bulletin on Sunday.  The text is Jesus telling the children to come to him - pretty easy to figure out what to draw, right?

Her picture has Jesus teaching a group of children - including a Halloween ghost - about Minecraft treasure chests.  They're all wearing pink and purple skirts because "it's pretty."

Gonna be an interesting Sunday.  (Although I'm cropping out the treasure chest, I think . . .)

[flickan]

Babybartfast is supposed to be drawing a picture which will be on the cover of the church children's bulletin on Sunday.  The text is Jesus telling the children to come to him - pretty easy to figure out what to draw, right?

Her picture has Jesus teaching a group of children - including a Halloween ghost - about Minecraft treasure chests.  They're all wearing pink and purple skirts because "it's pretty."

Gonna be an interesting Sunday.  (Although I'm cropping out the treasure chest, I think . . .)

Along those lines, I once had to keep a straight face as a friend from another country asked in all earnestness if there would be lions and tigers at the living nativity she'd been invited to.

No tigers present at the birth of Christ unless memory serves me poorly.  Though that would make for one epic nativity.

[Slartibartfast]

Babybartfast is supposed to be drawing a picture which will be on the cover of the church children's bulletin on Sunday.  The text is Jesus telling the children to come to him - pretty easy to figure out what to draw, right?

Her picture has Jesus teaching a group of children - including a Halloween ghost - about Minecraft treasure chests.  They're all wearing pink and purple skirts because "it's pretty."

Gonna be an interesting Sunday.  (Although I'm cropping out the treasure chest, I think . . .)

Along those lines, I once had to keep a straight face as a friend from another country asked in all earnestness if there would be lions and tigers at the living nativity she'd been invited to.

No tigers present at the birth of Christ unless memory serves me poorly.  Though that would make for one epic nativity.

The nativity set I grew up with was a cheap unpainted wooden one.  And sometime during my childhood, it acquired both an elephant and a rhinocerous, not really to scale but roughly the same color wood.  We kids always set them up like they were coming with the three wise men.  (My dog also ate two legs off of one of the lambs, so there was always a "leaning lamb" near the manger . . .)

[White Dragon]

Babybartfast is supposed to be drawing a picture which will be on the cover of the church children's bulletin on Sunday.  The text is Jesus telling the children to come to him - pretty easy to figure out what to draw, right?

Her picture has Jesus teaching a group of children - including a Halloween ghost - about Minecraft treasure chests.  They're all wearing pink and purple skirts because "it's pretty."

Gonna be an interesting Sunday.  (Although I'm cropping out the treasure chest, I think . . .)

Along those lines, I once had to keep a straight face as a friend from another country asked in all earnestness if there would be lions and tigers at the living nativity she'd been invited to.

No tigers present at the birth of Christ unless memory serves me poorly.  Though that would make for one epic nativity.

The nativity set I grew up with was a cheap unpainted wooden one.  And sometime during my childhood, it acquired both an elephant and a rhinocerous, not really to scale but roughly the same color wood.  We kids always set them up like they were coming with the three wise men.  (My dog also ate two legs off of one of the lambs, so there was always a "leaning lamb" near the manger . . .)

Well, I hear lamb is pretty lean when you cook it on the grill. 

[Hmmmmm]

When DD was very young, auto flush toilets were becoming more common. We were still in the potty training stage during a grocery store trip. She didn't like that I didn't have my portable potty seat with me and told her she had to just sit on the toilet liner. She sat, started, squirmed and the most powerful flush I've ever heard occurred. She leaped, ran as best she could with bloomers around her ankles, and I sat on the floor trying to stifle laughter. She's 19 now and I don't think she has yet forgiven me completely.

[guihong]

I drove my husband to his neurologist appointment this morning (I was going because he just got off of midnight shift and was still sleepy).  We got down there to find out the doctor was dead!  All the way home we made dumb jokes, like "I think his neurological system is in big trouble!" and "Pretty soon, no doctor will want to see me!", and so on.  We felt horrible for his family, but not horrible enough to stop laughing (once out of the clinic). 

[Aunt4God]

/bg.....I went to a private Christian college for my teaching degree.  I also grew up with very weak ankles (was recently diagnosed with hypermobility, so it's all my joints now, not just the ankles.)  We were required to wear skirts/hose at all times and as nice of shoes as we could.  I usually wear ankle boots for some extra support, but on Sundays would wear flats to be more dressy./bg

One Sunday morning, it was raining and pouring out.  My friends and I had just finished lunch in the dining common when I realized I needed to run quickly to check in an outreach group I was in before we had to go to our every-other-Sunday special service called Vespers.  I ran out the inside doors, hit the outside door at a good clip, stepped onto the faux tile (made from concrete that had a pattern pressed into it to look more fancy) and instantly my right ankle twisted and I went flying.  Not just falling down, but flying, like superman, hands outstretched, Bible one direction, notebook the other, and slid right into a ring of good looking guys.  As I'm sliding, the only thing I can think of is "Oh, I hope this doesn't ruin my favorite new outfit!".....then, oh great, look at all the cute guys!  On top of all that, they ended up calling the campus ambulance to take me away.  When the EMT guy got to me, he looked at my ankle with it's nice, thick pantyhose on it, and asked me if I could lift up enough to slide them down, or if I was going to be devastated if he cut them.  I told him they were knee-highs and he sighed in relief very loudly.  He explained he had a girlfriend and could tell they were nice hose so he was happy he didn't have to ruin them!  Ever after, we called that my superman date pick-up move! (and I can laugh at it now, too, even remember it fondly as one of my most flamboyant ankle sprains!)

[AfleetAlex]

Did you get a date out of it? I hope so! 

[Aunt4God]

Did you get a date out of it? I hope so! 

Alas, no such luck.....so I guess it wasn't a very effective pick-up move.  ;-)  Maybe we should have called the desperately-last-flying-leap pick-up move. 

[SmarterPrimate]

I have 2 I just have to post before I can finish this thread!

#1. My best friend Andrew and I share the same warped sense of humour. We were shopping for cards for the wedding of another friend, and for some reason we found ourselves in the “Sympathy” aisle. Well, it is quite remarkable how many sympathy cards can be misconstrued as wedding cards, if you have the right mind-set! “Our thoughts are with you during this difficult time”… “We hope you find peace during this time of loss”… “Time may dull the pain”… You get the drift. We were in absolute hysterics reading them, 100% inappropriately. Thankfully no one was really shopping for a sympathy card at the time. And the best part is… I myself got married this past spring, and as my “Man of Honour”, Andrew was invited to my bridal shower. And he handed me… you guessed it… a lovely Sympathy card! Thankfully my friends and aunties all thought it was a hoot! I almost died laughing!

#2. We rescued our (late) dog at the ripe old age of 9. We have no idea what life experiences he had before coming to us, but he was exuberant about everything! We took him out to my parents cabin the first summer we had him. We got him out of the car, and walked him around the back where the dock and lakefront were. My dad was out on the dock and called to my dog. Well, poor little doggie thought, “Grandpa!” and went high-tailing down to the dock at full tilt. Unfortunately, he had no comprehension of the fact that the dock was finite in length, followed by a drop into a cold Canadian lake. I swear his legs kept moving for a good few seconds as he flew off the end, right into the drink. It was like something right out of Looney Tunes. He was not interested in going swimming, ever again (but he was fine, just wet and shocked)!

 

[HappilyInsane]

A few months ago, I lost a sweet friend to a car wreck (I'll call her Minnie). Minnie was heavily involved in the same sport I enjoy, holding an office in our local organization and being the leader of the youth division of the same.She was just a very sweet, bubbly person, and as one friend said "If you knew Minnie, you loved her."

As word of her death began to spread through our community, there was great shock and then the outpouring began on facebook. One memorial post was, unfortunately, not worded in the best possible way. After many great things said about her work with our youth, it was ended with "My children and many others have been touched by Minnie."  I swear I heard Minnie  giggling along with me.

[GreenEyedHawk]

Speaking of Nativities, my grandmother always had one set up, as far back as I can remember and she told me it was the same one she'd had since my mother's oldest sibling, my uncle Ray, was a boy.  She also told me that one year, my uncle Paul, the youngest of the 11 siblings, then a young boy, had noticed that the baby Jesus looked a little grubby.  It was only natural after all, the nativity scene was about 20 years old by then.  Wanting to be helpful, he took the Jesus out of the nativity and gave him a thorough scrubbing in the bathroom sink with a nail brush.  When my grandmother found him (she must have heard the "dangerous quiet") and asked him what he was doing, he proudly held up the Jesus figurine to explain that he'd been helping by giving the baby Jesus an impromptu bath.  Before he could explain, however, he realised that his handiwork had resulted in the paint being scrubbed off the wooden figure, he opened his mouth to speak but rather than an explanation, he cried, "Jesus, where's your face??"  My grandmother said she never had a harder time holding in laughter than that moment.  It was so funny she forgot to be mad about the now-faceless Jesus.

[TurtleDove]

GreenEyedHawk, that story made my day!