Author Topic: Rude to give people the same gift?  (Read 6612 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #30 on: June 19, 2010, 11:45:41 PM »
So just for curiosity's sake, is it ever acceptable for the thought that counts to be "I love you enough to squeeze you into my tiny budget, here's your [somewhat generic thing that's fairly similar to what I got everyone else]"? Or is it better to just cut people from your gift-giving list because you can't afford a hand-selected gift for everyone?

No snark intended (I'm in a snark-at-the-world mood today, I apologize if it bled through) - this may very well be a decision I'll have to make this Christmas.

Yes. That *is* one of the components of "the thought that counts."

Of course it's not as powerful as "I really spent time trying to figure out what you'd like."
But it is part of the equation.

purplemuse

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #31 on: June 21, 2010, 03:23:38 PM »
I think there are different "levels" of giving everyone the same gift.

-- giving everyone the same type of gift, but tailoring it to their personalities (e.g. giving everyone a blanket, but picking out fabric geared especially to them)

-- deciding that "everyone likes chocolate" (for example), so every person gets a Whitman's sampler

-- hearing that X really wants a certain movie, and deciding to buy everyone that movie regardless of whether or not they've expressed an interest in it.

I think the first can be kind of neat, and I don't really mind the second, but the third can be hurtful, especially (for me) when X is my more-outgoing sister, and the gift giver is our mother.

blarg314

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #32 on: June 22, 2010, 01:22:31 AM »

I think it comes down not so much to rude vs polite as to what sort of message the gift gives to the recipient.

Giving identical gifts to people close to you (who know each other) can easily come across as lazy; looking for the quickest or cheapest possible way to get your gift buying down with a minimum of effort. Or it can come across as not really caring if the person likes the gift they get - they're getting what everyone else gets, regardless.

Giving multiple gifts that come out of a hobby or interest of your own can work quite well - if you keep in mind the people you are giving the gifts too. Say you make home-made jewelry. Giving multiple people hand-made jewelry for Christmas in different designs and types could be really nice, a thoughtful and creative gift.  Giving everyone matching bracelets, even the people who absolutely hate wearing jewelry, says more about what you want than about what the recipients might like.




Outdoor Girl

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #33 on: June 22, 2010, 09:48:45 AM »
I don't see anything wrong with giving everyone the same gift, especially when it sounds like you personalize them a bit for each recipient.
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When a friend of mine got married, she gave each of us one of those charm bracelets that were popular a few years ago.  But each one was personalized with three different charms - one with our initial, one with an animal we liked and one with something we liked to do.  I thought it was a sweet idea.

Which one of my bridesmaids were you?  Basketball, swimmer, motorcycle or book?

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Ontario

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #34 on: June 22, 2010, 12:24:19 PM »
I don't understand why people are trying to find fault with receiving a gift. 

I agree.

My grandmother gives all of her 12 grandchildren, 7 spouses of those grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren basically the same gifts every year. 

Kids get gift certificates to their favorite fast food place (which they all canít wait to get even though they know what they are getting) and the female adults get handmade crochet items while the male adults get socks or wallets. 

We donít expect her to give us anything, esp considering the amount of family we have but she does.  And so what if itís the same thingÖso what?  She loves us all and is thinking about us.  Thatís what matters and whatís important. I happen to love my purple scarf and the fact that she made it makes it even more special. 

klm75

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #35 on: June 22, 2010, 01:49:23 PM »
I don't understand why people are trying to find fault with receiving a gift. 

I agree.

My grandmother gives all of her 12 grandchildren, 7 spouses of those grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren basically the same gifts every year. 

Kids get gift certificates to their favorite fast food place (which they all canít wait to get even though they know what they are getting) and the female adults get handmade crochet items while the male adults get socks or wallets. 

We donít expect her to give us anything, esp considering the amount of family we have but she does.  And so what if itís the same thingÖso what?  She loves us all and is thinking about us.  Thatís what matters and whatís important. I happen to love my purple scarf and the fact that she made it makes it even more special. 


My Great Grandmother knit mittens and put a $2 bill inside them.  We all remember it foundly, often talking about it at reunions, though she has been gone 9 years now.

Punky B.

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #36 on: June 24, 2010, 06:19:33 PM »
My great grandma knitted these things we call "Elf booties" for everyone- they were odd slippers made of yarn.  But we always looked forward to them, and guessing what color they would be was part of the fun!  She passed several years ago, I miss those things.

Sometimes I do the "same gift but personalized" thing- I'd be really hurt if someone complained, but at least I know I wouldn't have to get them anything next year. :P

kingsrings

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #37 on: June 25, 2010, 11:24:03 AM »
My great grandma knitted these things we call "Elf booties" for everyone- they were odd slippers made of yarn.  But we always looked forward to them, and guessing what color they would be was part of the fun!  She passed several years ago, I miss those things.

Sometimes I do the "same gift but personalized" thing- I'd be really hurt if someone complained, but at least I know I wouldn't have to get them anything next year. :P

ITA. I wouldn't want to bother anymore with anyone who was being so picky and judgemental about the gifts I give them.

SoCalVal

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #38 on: July 07, 2010, 08:21:52 PM »
I was wondering why so few posters were chiming in on the Favour Etiquette thread.  Now, I see that y'all came over here!

I don't think it's rude to give people the same gift, and I think it's presumptuous to believe that no thought went into the gift-giving because they are identical (now, what the identical gifts actually ARE is a different story, as one PP said something about brightly-colored discount hoodies).  I prefer not to give people the same gift (because then the gift will often have no meaning for me).  However, last year DF and I gave the same gift to his cousin and her family and my sister's kids.  We bought reusable popcorn containers, Netflix gift certificates, microwave popcorn and various theatre-size boxes of candy, and I made movie gift baskets for everyone (one big one for his cousin's family and two little ones for my niece and nephew).  While they weren't as personal as the gift baskets we made for his other two cousins, a lot of thought still went into them (one cousin and his wife got a pet stuff gift basket -- Litter box "basket," big cat toy and big dog toy since they're so into their pets and the other cousin is a vegan so his gift basket was a serving tray with several bags of different dried fruits and nuts).



ShadowLady

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #39 on: July 13, 2010, 03:56:17 PM »
I'll fess up and admit I am one of those who gives the same/similar gifts at Christmas.  This past year, I gave out various flavored breads (*everyone* wanted the 'orange cranberry' bread!), previous year it was different soaps that I'd made, year before was candles from a variety of molds.  One year everyone was quite happy with the beeswax tapers I'd made.   Because same as one of the PP's, the list is quite extensive on DH's side of the family.

So it does come down to being thriftier to make a large batch of soap or candles (or whatever else I'm making) than to try to find individual gifts for all of them.

saki

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #40 on: July 14, 2010, 11:57:00 AM »
My parents-in-law do the same gift for everyone gift thing at Christmas, I never really minded this, except for last year:  they gave a carefully chosen cookbook to my brother-in-law and his fiancee and a storage box each to everyone else.  I just felt that that was a bit of a slap in the face - I mean, a) it's a storage box, a really strange gift! and b) they'd taken the trouble to select something personally for one child and their partner but not for the other three children and their partners.  If they'd given us all different cookbooks tailored to what we all liked, that would have been fine; if they'd given us all storage boxes, I would have thought that weird but fine; making the effort for one person but no-one else, did slip into rude for me.

supotco

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #41 on: July 16, 2010, 06:33:13 PM »

I dunno, one of my late relatives used to make a habit of giving all the 'kids' (me, my brother, two cousins) a Toblerone bar at Christmas.

I have a nut allergy and therefore regard Toblerone bars warily, as if they might attack. I certainly don't eat them. 

My mother did mention to the elderly relative that I was allergic to nuts and perhaps it would be nice to give me something that I didn't have to give away, but this caused panicked cries of 'But then it wouldn't be the same!' (no, we never did work out why it had to be Toblerone)

Winterlight

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #42 on: July 28, 2010, 02:37:59 PM »
I think if it's "variations on a theme" it's ok. If I decide to give coffee mugs to my office mates and pick one with banjos for the bluegrass musician and a train themed one for the railway addict, that's working with their interests. However, giving everyone a Samoyed mug because I love Sammies and therefore everyone should is not.

In the example given, if you give a Border Collie ornament to Sue because she adores them and an Ultimate Fighting ornament to Kay because she's into MMA, that would be fine in my book.
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dragonflies

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #43 on: July 29, 2010, 02:11:01 PM »
I do this.
One year I made hand painted glass ornaments for extended members of the family (sister in laws, aunts etc).  Another year, I gave everyone a bath and body works set (and yes, they all use that stuff).  They had a  sale buy 3 get 3 free - plus I had coupons.  If I knew they love a particular scent I got it but if not I got something that went with their personality.  Another year, I made jewelery.

For my daughter's day car teachers, the younger teachers I gave them lip gloss kits and the older teachers got slippers (with gift receipts).  She has 6 teachers.
This year, I hope I can afford to give them gift cards.

To me, they are little token gifts.  I wouldn't give my husband the same gift I give my father in law.

LadyR

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Re: Rude to give people the same gift?
« Reply #44 on: August 21, 2010, 03:22:05 AM »
I don't know if it's rude, but... I have a cousin the same age as I am (our birthdays are one month apart) and growing up our aunts and uncles would get us exactly the same gift, just in different colours. This was every single Christmas and birthday. Even our mothers would do a version of this (buy their daughter several outfits and then get an extra one for niece or something similar). We had very different interets and personalities so this got annoying fast and I think contributed to an occasionally-contentious relationship between the two of us (I think we both resented always being grouped together as one person).

However, if you're not doing it constantly and you're giving some thought to the person's likes and dislikes, then I don't see the problem with it. I got my BMs mostly matching gifts, but added something personalized for all of them. Last Christmas I bought my two bffs the same poetry book (but I knew they'd both like it), but I wouldn't buy the same gift for everyone on my list without making sure that they'd all like it.