General Etiquette > Family and Children

But you HATE children!

(1/13) > >>

Stjarni:

Argh!

I can't decide if my coworker is clueless, insensitive or just plain dumb. Maybe you can help me?

Backstory: I have a dear friend who's sister was about 8 months pregnant but 2 days ago, the baby died. Today the doctors started her labour. I can't comprehend how they must feel right now but I am very, very sad and pretty much constantly thinking of them.

Me myself is childfree and I am happy about that. Most of my close coworker (and some not so close) is aware that I don't plan to have any children and none of them has said anything negative about my decision. Note that I have never ever said that I hate children.

Today, I was standing at the printer waiting for some documents to finish up when a not-so-close-coworker walked by and asked me if I was feeling well. I did think about the tragedy at that moment and I guess my facial expression was rather sad. I did explain briefly what had happened and my coworker got this puzzled expression and said:

"But I thought you hated children?"

fklwmn:

--- Quote ---I can't decide if my coworker is clueless, insensitive or just plain dumb. Maybe you can help me?
--- End quote ---

Sounds to me like maybe she is all three. a shocked look and a "Where in the world did you get THAT idea?" comment (in a tone clearly indicating no response is required) would have done the trick. Or even "I'm not sure why you think my personal feelings about children would affect my grief for my dear friend's loss..."

My sympathies to your friend... how awful!  :'(

Stjarni:

--- Quote from: fklwmn on December 06, 2006, 08:07:40 AM ---
Sounds to me like maybe she is all three. a shocked look and a "Where in the world did you get THAT idea?" comment (in a tone clearly indicating no response is required) would have done the trick. Or even "I'm not sure why you think my personal feelings about children would affect my grief for my dear friend's loss..."

My sympathies to your friend... how awful!  :'(


--- End quote ---

I should have said something, but due to my temper I didn't dare say anything. I just walked away.

Tabris:

--- Quote from: Stjarni on December 06, 2006, 08:11:34 AM --- due to my temper I didn't dare say anything.

--- End quote ---

No, that was the perfect response, and I hope it garnered the perfect response in your co-worker, which was, "Boy, was that a STUPID thing to say!"

I don't want to own a dog, but I don't feel a surge of glee when a friend's dog dies. I also don't want to own a motorcycle, but if a friend's motorcycle finally gets beyond the point of repair, I don't laugh. I feel *empathy,* which apparently your co-worker never felt before.

I'm so sorry for your friend's sister. **hugs** It's a very difficult road they're now on.

Clara Bow:
Even if you did hate children you wouldn't want to hear that one had died!! And not having children certainly doesn't mean that you hate them....but you know all this. I would have just looked at her blankly and said "I don't hate children, and I never want to hear of someone having a tragedy. I choose to be child-free because it is my personal decision, not out of any rancor against children." Some people act like electing to not have children makes you some kind of ogre....in reality I think it is smart to know yourself so well and not have children just because everyone thinks you're supposed to.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page