But you HATE children!

[ZipTheWonder]

I like most children and (most days! ) I like motherhood.  But, they are not one in the same and I think your co-worker mistakenly thinks they are.  So, I would simply say "It's not that I don't like children, it's just that I'm not interested in motherhood."

[RoseRose]

I also vote for all three.

I agree that motherhood and liking children are NOT one and the same.  I work at a childcare.  My boss doesn't have any children, I believe by choice (I wouldn't ask such a personal question... it's just from hints I've picked up when she has talked about her personal life.)  She LOVES children.  Heck, I've heard some childfree people say the reason they aren't going to have children is because they know they'd make terrible parents, and they don't want to inflict that on a child.

My sypathys for your friend.  I can't even imagine that kind of loss.

[RuneGuardian]

I agree that you co-worker seems to fit into all three categories you listed. I'm also childfree and I admit I do not like any children, but that doesn't mean I would rejoice at the death of someone's child, especially if it was the child of someone I knew or who I'm close to. Your co-worker probably figures you have no place to grieve for your friend because you don't know what it's like to be a mother or be pregnant. In any case, I think the response (or lack of one) you gave was the best thing you could have done - whatever you may have said, your co-worker may have interpreted it wrong or twisted it around to make you sound like some kind of spiteful witch. The childfree don't get a lot of praise, so I wouldn't put it past anyone to do something like that.

[stanthedevil]

I'd like to put in a little different perspective about the comment the OP's co-worker made.  Perhaps she was so surprised by the news that she suffered from a foot in mouth moment and is now mentally berating herself.  She may have been thinking that the OP hit bad traffic or spilled coffee on her pants and wasn't expecting such a shocking answer.

Maybe?

[bostonbetty]

She's psychotic.
 My very good friend strongly dislikes (borderline hates) children. She puts up w/ my two, but only on special occasions and in very short spurts. She also hates cats.  When another mutual friends cat died I actually saw her crying w/ her for her loss-and that was a cat! I don't think anyone expected her to take it so hard, but we didn't expect her to laugh or sing "another one bites the dust" either. I think any emotionally stable person would feel empathy for such a loss, and for her not to understand that says a lot about her emotional stability.

[Evil Duckie]

Sorry about your friend's loss.

Your coworker was all three and defintely inserted foot in mouth!

[NotCinderell]

I agree that motherhood and liking children are NOT one and the same.  I work at a childcare.  My boss doesn't have any children, I believe by choice (I wouldn't ask such a personal question... it's just from hints I've picked up when she has talked about her personal life.)  She LOVES children.  Heck, I've heard some childfree people say the reason they aren't going to have children is because they know they'd make terrible parents, and they don't want to inflict that on a child.

I correspond with a lovely young woman on another forum who says that she has no maternal instinct at all, but she loves being an aunt.

[Alida]

"But I thought you hated children?"

May I ask how you responded to that?

Why is it that people think if someone doesn't want children of their own, they must hate children?

[sysprog]

"But I thought you hated children?"

May I ask how you responded to that?

Why is it that people think if someone doesn't want children of their own, they must hate children?

It's the same reasoning that says that I don't believe in God because I have no use for organized religion.

And yes, we are childfree by choice, so we hear this excuse for reasoning frequently.

[MineralDiva]

She:  "But I thought you hated children?"
You:  *raising one eyebrow over your head* "Only when they grow into ignorant dolts...like yourself!"

What a horribly insensitive thing to say!  (On soooo many levels!) What does "hating children" have to do with grieving for a friend's loss?  Are you somehow less capable of human emotion and sympathy for someone else, because you don't have children of your own?

BAH!  I wish the flowers of some "Blooming Idiots" didn't smell so reminiscently of fertilizer!

 

[Brentwood]

Ouch. What an awful thing to say to you - as if you were pleased the baby died, or didn't care, or had no feelings of sorrow for the family. It took an insensitive clod to say that.

I'm so sorry for your friend's sister. How heartbreaking.

[Hawkwatcher]

What's wrong with this picture?

I wonder if some of the people who protest the loudest about the "evil childhating childfree people," actually regret becoming parents themselves but are not honest enough to admit that parenting did not meet their expections.  Perhaps they are jealous of those who decide not to become parents because they think those people are free from obligations.

[Sirius]

So sorry for your friend. 

Like the OP, I don't have children.  I chose not to have them because I got married later in life, and Mr. Sirius and I felt that it wasn't the time to have a family.  I don't hate children, although I prefer not to be around some of the ones I've encountered, but I can't imagine being happy that someone's child dies.  Your co-worker is not only clueless but insensitive. 

Sirius (used to be Vegakitty but I messed up the registration)

[stacykk]

I have read a lot of "interesting" things on this forum, but this one literally made my mouth fall open! 

I can't believe you're co-worker said that and did not realize just how awful it sounded. 

My sympathies to you, your friend, and her family.  {{{hugs}}}

[Venus193]

I wonder if some of the people who protest the loudest about the "evil childhating childfree people," actually regret becoming parents themselves but are not honest enough to admit that parenting did not meet their expections.  Perhaps they are jealous of those who decide not to become parents because they think those people are free from obligations.

Ding, ding, ding; we have a winnah!