Author Topic: Declining the hospitality of racists...  (Read 4103 times)

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Orisha

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Declining the hospitality of racists...
« on: July 01, 2010, 03:59:53 PM »
I'm expecting to present at a conference this coming fall.  Some of Mr. O's extended family live in the city where the conference is being held and have invited us to stay.  (I'm traveling with my husband and child and this would be the first chance for them to meet Baby O.)  The problem?  They are rabid racists who drop the n-word like no one's business.  Baby O will be at the age where she's starting to talk, but she's too young to understand why it's not ok to use language like that.  To make matters more complicated, it's an African American history conference.  Race is more likely to come up.  Avoiding them all together would create a huge family drama and honestly, ducking all racist family members pretty much means not attending any family functions.  (This will get a lot easier when Baby O is older and we can explain what racism is and why it's not ok!)  I think the best thing to do for all involved is to maybe allow a visit, but not to stay with them.  Can I just come out and say we don't want to stay with you because we find your racist attitudes appalling?   Anyone have advice for declining their hospitality?  

Edited because I wrote "rapid" instead of "rabid."
« Last Edit: July 01, 2010, 04:24:14 PM by Orisha »

Lisbeth

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2010, 04:19:25 PM »
I wouldn't accept the invitation-I'd just say, "Thanks, but we've already made other arrangements."

Just don't tell them what they are.
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Midnight Kitty

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2010, 04:25:21 PM »
They are rapid racists who drop the n-word like no one's business.
I know it's a typo & I don't usually pick on typos, but I thought, "Rapid racists are so quick to drop the n-word, you can't get your daughter out of there fast enough."

I'm afraid I don't have any useful advice avoid racist relatives.  I have some relatives like that myself, but I don't have children, so I don't worry about "catching" anything from racist relatives.  If I did have "virgin ears" to protect, I'm afraid I would say the same thing I would say to someone who swears constantly, "I don't want my child to learn those words/attitudes."

Oh, the irony of attending an African American history conference while avoiding racist relatives. Yeah, you wouldn't want to stay with them.  The dinner conversation would be awkward, to say the least. >:D
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kckgirl

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2010, 04:27:16 PM »
I'd probably say that you already have hotel arrangements, and only plan to meet up with the family in public places where they'd hopefully be more circumspect. But if you ever need to go back for a similar event, I would simply not mention to the family that you'd be in their city.
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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2010, 09:38:17 PM »
Tell them that, with the conference and a child to mind - you aren't free to visit - as you are taking turns with the baby when the other is going to a meeting.  Never mind that someone is planning on meeting Ronald McDonald at the nearest McDonald's so baby can play for a while. 

Or where ever else you feel like eating................
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Hawkwatcher

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2010, 05:04:01 PM »
I would treat this as a business trip.  You are going to be too busy to visit.  Your department expects you to attend all of these meals and network with your colleagues.  You are also expected to stay at the conference hotel or an approved hotel (even if this is not true).  Your husband, however, could meet them while you present your paper at the zoo or a local museum for an hour.  Good luck with your paper.

Shortcake

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2010, 10:17:22 AM »
Tell them that, with the conference and a child to mind - you aren't free to visit - as you are taking turns with the baby when the other is going to a meeting.  Never mind that someone is planning on meeting Ronald McDonald at the nearest McDonald's so baby can play for a while. 

Or where ever else you feel like eating................

This is what I would do. I would include an apology too. "I am so sorry we aren't going to have any free time to visit this time! We just can't get out of these meetings."  Offer to send some pictures or maybe send a video of Baby O to try and smooth over hurt feelings.
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Orisha

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Re: Declining the hospitality of racists...
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2010, 10:49:55 PM »
Tell them that, with the conference and a child to mind - you aren't free to visit - as you are taking turns with the baby when the other is going to a meeting.  Never mind that someone is planning on meeting Ronald McDonald at the nearest McDonald's so baby can play for a while. 

Or where ever else you feel like eating................

This is what I would do. I would include an apology too. "I am so sorry we aren't going to have any free time to visit this time! We just can't get out of these meetings."  Offer to send some pictures or maybe send a video of Baby O to try and smooth over hurt feelings.

Thanks!  I think this is exactly what I'm going to do.  And furthermore, I'm going to say that the conference is covering hotel rooms for presenters.  (Which happens sometimes, though not for this conference.)  If he really feels like he needs to, Mr. O can take Baby O for a brief visit when I'm busy (it's a weekend conference).   But, I know that I can trust him to tell them to can it if they start with the racist baloney.