Etiquette School is in session! > "Why would I want to do that?"

No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.

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nuit93:
I don't know when it became fashionable to do so, but it seems like every time I open my Livejournal or Facebook friends list there is a woe-is-me post about money troubles and phone calls from creditors.  Not for emergency situations, but for everyday bills.  Now, maybe something's changed since I was young, but I grew up not talking publicly about things like money.

I get what folks are going through, I really do.  The economy is rather smelly right now.  I've been in that situation before.  But when those same people are talking about the restaurants and movies they're going to or the new books/CD's they're buying, I typically just roll my eyes and skip reading the rest of the entry.  We have our own problems (medications, dental work needed, car repairs coming up), but we don't whine about them-we just live in a way that allows us to easily deal with them.

My partner and I don't own a home, we have a cheap (to us, on purpose, housing is too expensive here) apartment.  We drive used cars and don't frequently go to restaurants.  This allows us to keep money in savings, and also do an occasional major splurge once or twice a year.  Our last one was Cirque du Soleil (and not even the super-spendy seats).  So when people find out we did this super-expensive-cool-thing, I get lots of comments like "lucky!  I wish WE could do that!".

How in the world do I respond politely to this?  I mean, the response I want to give is "it's called living within your means, try it sometime", but what comes out of my mouth is typically more along the lines of "yes, it was fun, have you tried the punch?"

Venus193:
That is probably the best response.

There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

This is someone who is so financially immature she is incapable of understanding that one has to earn enough to not end up going through one's entire savings just to get basic stuff paid for.  I'm waiting for her to crash and burn.

KenveeB:

--- Quote from: Venus193 on July 05, 2010, 07:59:27 PM ---There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

--- End quote ---

Ugh, I have a friend just like that.  I carefully limit my time around her because she makes me want to tear my hair out!!  Why don't people understand that they can't pay their bills because they kept dropping money on all those random things?

When I get these kind of comments, I say something like "Yeah, it was murder budgeting for that, but it was worth it!" or "Yeah, totally worth the ramen for a month" or something that shows it IS something I budget for and not just throw money around on.

FoxPaws:
You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)

AprilRenee:
When friends tell me of some wonderful thing they bought, or a trip they went on, I DO respond "oooh lucky!" or "wow that must have been nice!" but it's not sour grapes and I'm not insinuating that they must be rich,=. I AM happy for them, I really DO think it must have been nice. I do my share of fun things, and while sometimes mine were more cost friendly (day trip rather than week trip out of country or something) I don't feel as though it's not fair. So sometimes they really might not be making a snarky remark. Tone is everything, I suppose.

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