Author Topic: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.  (Read 51316 times)

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nuit93

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No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« on: July 05, 2010, 07:39:29 PM »
I don't know when it became fashionable to do so, but it seems like every time I open my Livejournal or Facebook friends list there is a woe-is-me post about money troubles and phone calls from creditors.  Not for emergency situations, but for everyday bills.  Now, maybe something's changed since I was young, but I grew up not talking publicly about things like money.

I get what folks are going through, I really do.  The economy is rather smelly right now.  I've been in that situation before.  But when those same people are talking about the restaurants and movies they're going to or the new books/CD's they're buying, I typically just roll my eyes and skip reading the rest of the entry.  We have our own problems (medications, dental work needed, car repairs coming up), but we don't whine about them-we just live in a way that allows us to easily deal with them.

My partner and I don't own a home, we have a cheap (to us, on purpose, housing is too expensive here) apartment.  We drive used cars and don't frequently go to restaurants.  This allows us to keep money in savings, and also do an occasional major splurge once or twice a year.  Our last one was Cirque du Soleil (and not even the super-spendy seats).  So when people find out we did this super-expensive-cool-thing, I get lots of comments like "lucky!  I wish WE could do that!".

How in the world do I respond politely to this?  I mean, the response I want to give is "it's called living within your means, try it sometime", but what comes out of my mouth is typically more along the lines of "yes, it was fun, have you tried the punch?"

Venus193

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2010, 07:59:27 PM »
That is probably the best response.

There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

This is someone who is so financially immature she is incapable of understanding that one has to earn enough to not end up going through one's entire savings just to get basic stuff paid for.  I'm waiting for her to crash and burn.

KenveeB

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2010, 08:03:30 PM »
There are a couple of people in my life like that.  One in particular goes out for wings and for takeout, continues to spend money on fragrance and jewelry when she has lots of both, and then complains about the possibility of getting her electricity shut off.  When I was at risk of eviction she said "Well, at least you have money to pay a lawyer."

Ugh, I have a friend just like that.  I carefully limit my time around her because she makes me want to tear my hair out!!  Why don't people understand that they can't pay their bills because they kept dropping money on all those random things?

When I get these kind of comments, I say something like "Yeah, it was murder budgeting for that, but it was worth it!" or "Yeah, totally worth the ramen for a month" or something that shows it IS something I budget for and not just throw money around on.

FoxPaws

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2010, 08:22:39 PM »
You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)
« Last Edit: July 05, 2010, 08:31:43 PM by FoxPaws »
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AprilRenee

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2010, 08:28:26 PM »
When friends tell me of some wonderful thing they bought, or a trip they went on, I DO respond "oooh lucky!" or "wow that must have been nice!" but it's not sour grapes and I'm not insinuating that they must be rich,=. I AM happy for them, I really DO think it must have been nice. I do my share of fun things, and while sometimes mine were more cost friendly (day trip rather than week trip out of country or something) I don't feel as though it's not fair. So sometimes they really might not be making a snarky remark. Tone is everything, I suppose.

MadMadge43

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2010, 08:35:30 PM »
Don't even get me started on this subject. Nothing is more annoying than people who can't put two and two together.

I find they're usually the same type of people who are shoving Doritos in their mouths while lamenting on how lucky I am that I'm so skinny. Never noticing that I don't eat snacks and work out.

FoxPaws

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2010, 10:06:47 PM »
She's asked me a few times why we don't run out and get a new luxury car because we can "obviously" afford it. I'd rather have the money in the bank than in the garage.
I hope this is exactly what you told her.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Kimblee

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2010, 10:11:22 PM »
You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it. :-\

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  8)

And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.

I don't snipe or sniff, and I only add the whole "I wish I could do that" if I want to be told how (Where to get tickets, how you got your great deal if you mentioned it, the logistics of managing it.)

But after reading this, I suddenly feel really self concious about it. i think I'll just stop talking to people. (Not being snarky or anything) I keep thinking I've learned social skills just to discover I didn't after all.

FoxPaws

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2010, 10:36:24 PM »
And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.
See, if you said it to me like this, I would happily give you every last detail.  :) 

What is irksome is when people say, "must be nice," in a tone that suggests a) the bearer of the good news didn't really earn/work for/deserve it, but just got inexplicably lucky, and/or b) the person saying it really isn't happy for them - just jealous.

It's frustrating to have good news and be hesitant to share it because you know 90% of the feedback you are going to get is going to be jealous, or negative, or some PA form of a putdown. Responses like yours are a welcome change.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

goldilocks

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2010, 08:56:44 AM »
I get this from my mother a lot.  She doesn't manage her money at all.  So if I mention anything ( vacation, new sofa, etc), I get a very snide "WELL, it MUST be nice!".

So I basically don't tell her anything at all that involves spending money.   

Kasia_Kiwi

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2010, 09:18:50 AM »
Your responce works just fine. There is really nothing more you could say.

I friends on both sides of the spectrum so I tend to just divert all bemoning or bragging comments on both sides. We're all students so I feel we should be learning to live within our means (considering the massive student loan debt some of them will be in if things continue) but I cannot force them.

PS. I splurged on Cirque du Soleil too this summer. It was worth it and now back to regularily scheduled savings. I hope you enjoyed the show!
Read about my time in scotland: http://yarnfortheroad.wordpress.com/

Kimblee

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2010, 11:08:05 AM »
And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.
See, if you said it to me like this, I would happily give you every last detail.  :) 

What is irksome is when people say, "must be nice," in a tone that suggests a) the bearer of the good news didn't really earn/work for/deserve it, but just got inexplicably lucky, and/or b) the person saying it really isn't happy for them - just jealous.

It's frustrating to have good news and be hesitant to share it because you know 90% of the feedback you are going to get is going to be jealous, or negative, or some PA form of a putdown. Responses like yours are a welcome change.

I rarely get to do fun expensive things, so I do fun inexpensive things instead and live vicariously through people who do the stuff I can't. :) I may envy them a bit, but I am genuinely happy when someone I care about gets something nice or fun, ESPECIALLY if I know they worked towards it.

seeley

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2010, 11:15:21 AM »
I have very close family members who are almost exactly like the people described in the OP. I find them more deserving of my pity than my contempt.

jayhawk

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2010, 09:36:31 AM »
Sorry to hijack - but just want to offer that the frugalistas here might enjoy the messageboards at www.simplelivng.net (not .com!)

Jayhawk

SkylerY

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Re: No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.
« Reply #14 on: July 07, 2010, 09:50:18 AM »
My brother used to make smart aleck remarks about me becoming a stay-at-home mom.  Most recently, I had posted about taking the kids to the park.  He commented about how it must be nice to have a husband making so much so that I don't have to work at all, staying home and hanging out at the park.  I replied back that he was more than welcomed on his next visit to take all three kids to the park by himself and see how much lark and fun that truly is.  He shut up after that.